Strep is the best, right?

If you've been following my instagram story then you already know that I'm stuck in bed because I have strep throat. It's a bit of a bummer, but I also get to catch up on lots of books and tv shows that I haven't had time to read, so silver linings. BUT

Today is Friday and after a blogging break for Christmas, I was really looking forward to writing something funny for you all today.

So here I am.

Hopped up on meds with a mouthful of saltines.

I had planned to a whole "reflect on 2017" thing, but all my brain can handle right now is "I'm dying," so I thought I would share my top tips for being sick because after 24 hours, I feel like a pro:

  1. Marry a person who makes good soup.
  2. Acquire two huskies. They are necessary for the snuggles and I've learned that they never leave your side when you're not feeling well. They'll either lay on the bed together, both touching you, or they'll work in shifts.
  3. You're going to be told to drink a lot of fluids, which will then lead to you needing to pee a lot. This will be frustrating due to the fact that you're weak and in pain everywhere. I recommend building a bathroom right next to your bed.
  4. You will have a dream that you've wet the bed and then you'll wake up and everything will feel wet and you'll be all "OH MY GOD I WET THE BED." Don't panic. It's just your fever breaking again, which has caused you to sweat a ridiculous and slightly alarming amount.
  5. Speaking of the sweat thing... wear clothes that are easy to take on and off. Now is not the time for leggings that cling to your body every time you try and remove them. Now is the time for your husband's giant, grey sweatpants and that one giant, grey sweatshirt. Embrace the look of an elephant and run with it. Metaphorically. Running right now (and always) is a very bad idea.
  6. Watch and read things that make you happy. My personal favorites this time around are Planet Earth and Parks & Rec for shows and Harry Potter for books.
  7. Depending on the timing, you might be missing out on celebrating Christmas a week late with your husband's family. This is the first Christmas since your wedding, making it the first Christmas since you started using their last name and you're missing it. Take this time to be thankful for FaceTime, but it's also okay to cry a little.
  8. Netflix is going to judge you a lot and will ask you multiple times if "you're still watching." Take this opportunity to start drafting a letter to the powers that be about "sick mode."
  9. Your ability to finish sentences will
  10. Zzzzzzzz......

And that's about it. What about you? How do you like to spend your time when you're sick?


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"SCATTER!" -My Brain.

My Bestbian is on her way to visit me from Boston RIGHT NOW and I am beyond excited because I haven't seen her since my wedding day (which was sadly the day I married someone other than her. Damn you, sexuality!)

We have MUCH catching up to do, so forgive me if this post is a little frazzled. Afterall, she now has to get to know me as a married lady and not her awesome, super hot single friend.

Just kidding. I've always been a married lady - I just only got the spouse recently.

Anyway, The Mr is yelling at me without using his words right now because the house needs to be cleaned just a little bit more before Bestbian arrives. I realize that sounds confusing, but it is possible to yell without actually using any sounds from your body. Basically, he's just walking around cleaning, but he's doing it really loudly, and history has taught me that this means "PLEASE GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND HELP ME PREPARE FOR YOUR FRIEND."

Or maybe he's just really passionate about cleaning?

Anyway, I should probably go... but to make up for this very scattered blog post, I'll be doing a live Q&A on Sunday night at 8pmEST for public #SundaySupdates! You should totally join me.

Also, here's a cute picture of my puppy who is definitely not this small anymore and is definitely trying to steal a sip of my vodka tonic as I write this. YOU'RE TOO YOUNG, ALOY.


#SundaySupdates, a live Q&A I do WHILST COOKING, is live and public this Sunday at 8pm! Most Sundays it’s just for the Patreon people, but the last Sunday of every month, I open it up to ALL OF YOU! Can’t make it? Post a question in the comments or on Twitter using the hashtag #SundaySupdates and I’ll answer it during the livestream!


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So... THIS HAPPENED. 

....WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

In equally unsettling news, #SundaySupdates, a live Q&A I do WHILST COOKING, is live and public this Sunday at 8pm! Most Sundays it's just for the Patreon people, but the last Sunday of every month, I open it up to ALL OF YOU! Can't make it? Post a question in the comments and I'll answer it during the livestream!

Unless I black out and murder myself by then.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

I'm probably going to go to jail soon.

I am obsessed with a guy at my gym. Not in like a creepy sexual way, but in just a fascination way, because he looks exactly like Drake.

 

via GIPHY

And I'm pretty sure his name is Jake. At least I think it is. The Mr said he overheard him introduce himself to someone as "Jake," but now that I'm thinking about it, The Mr might just be saying that to mess with me because he knows how obsessed with this guy I've become.

And it's not like I think looking like Drake is a bad thing. I don't even know that much about Drake other than the fact that he dances poorly with great confidence (something we have in common) and that he was on that one show in Canada and also that he was hilarious on SNL, and that a very tiny version of him sits on stuff on the Tonight show, and I think he was dating or is dating Rihanna maybe? Oh my gosh, why do I know so much about Drake?? I can't even name one of his songs... I would love to blame magazines from grocery store checkout lines, but I don't even go to grocery stores because they give me anxiety, so HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED? AM I CHUCK?

 

via GIPHY

Wait, where was I going with this again? Oh right, Drake/Jake at my gym. Or rather, my obsession with Drake/Jake at my gym. There are many issues arising from this situation:

  1. I am bad at creeping on people with any sort of discretion. I blatantly stare and sometimes I make noises without realizing I'm making them and it's all very "that mouth breather from Hey Arnold!"
  2. Because I'm bad at creeping, I get noticed fairly easily, and getting noticed by a guy at the gym for staring at him can only lead to him thinking that I'm crushing on him, which would be very bad considering:
    • I AM MARRIED. TO A MAN WHO GOES TO THE GYM WITH ME.
    • This could possibly lead to interacting with a random human at the gym, which is NOT on my list of workout goals. And talking to him could lead to:
      • "Oh I'm not checking you out. I'm just staring at you because you look like you're trying WAY too hard to look like Drake and this fascinates me," which I'm pretty sure is an unacceptable way to say hello?
  3. Restraining orders are inevitable.

All of this explains why I haven't managed to get a photo of Drake/Jake yet, but now that I've written/talked about him so much, I feel like I need to take one so that everyone can see what I'm dealing with. This is the closest I've gotten:


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KABOOM

When The Mr picked me up from work today, I was just getting to the climax of my book, and I did NOT want to put it down, so I was naturally a little cranky about going to the gym. (Side note: I'm enjoying the gym way more than I thought I would, but that's another blog post for another time.) Me: Ugh, this is annoying because I want to finish my book, but I also don't want to be a slacker.

The Mr: Why don't you just hop on one of those loungy bikes and read while you do that then?

Me: OH MY GOD YOU'RE A GENIUS.

So I did. I hit the "Random workout" button, popped in my headphones so I could listen to the Stranger Things soundtrack while I read, and I stayed there for 45 minutes and finished my book/acquired the strongest legs in the world. It was amazing. In fact, I was just reading the epilogue when The Mr showed up to tell me that he was all done.

Me: THAT WAS INTENSE.

The Mr: The book or the workout?

Me: Both! I'm so sweaty!!

 

via GIPHY

On a related note, you guys should totally pick up a copy of Bonfire by Krysten Ritter (Yes! as in Jessica Jones!) when it comes out in November. It's a slow burn, but man, oh man, when that spark reaches the gunpowder, THINGS. GO. BOOM.

Another side note: titling this blog post was really hard because "Sweaty Books" sounds disgusting and "Books make me sweat sometimes" also sounded gross and all things involving sweat can just be gross, so... I went with KABOOM because that felt safer.


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Huskies: LITERALLY HAIR EVERYWHERE.

Gio had to go to the vet yesterday for his first ever teeth cleaning. I don't normally have any anxiety over dentistry, but for him it felt different. They had to put him under, which surprised me at first, but then made total sense because how else would you clean a dog's teeth? It's not like you can just tell him to lean back comfortably in this chair and stare at the soothing image of rolling hills tacked to the ceiling. So we dropped him off at 8:15 in the morning and told him to be a good boy and then we left. Aloy, our puppy, was a little confused and cried on the car ride home, but then she realized that all of the dog toys were hers for the day, so she was fine.

I don't know why I had such anxiety over this. It's not like he was going to be in any pain whatsoever. In fact, our vet is so awesome that he was even texting us pictures of Gio beforehand to show that he was being treated wonderfully, not that we had any doubt.

And everything went perfectly, of course. The weird part was when The Mr went to pick him up and brought him to the bookshop where I work afterward. Gio was so dazed from the anesthetic that he didn't even notice me when they walked by my desk. That part was a little heartbreaking, but then he did see me and he sleepily came over, his tail lazily curled (because he doesn't wag, for some reason?), and it was all okay.

And then The Mr told me something really weird. The vet had found a hair stuck in Gio's mouth.

Me: That's not that weird. He produces much fur.

The Mr: No... stuck in the roof of his mouth.

Me: ....like...

The Mr: YEAH. THE VET HAD TO PULL IT OUT.

Me: WHAT. IS THAT NORMAL?

The Mr: I DON'T KNOW.

And now I can't stop obsessing over the fact that A HAIR WAS GROWING OUT OF THE ROOF OF MY DOG'S MOUTH AND HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN? And I keep asking The Mr all of these questions and he's all "EMELIE I'VE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW."

So I texted my vetthis adorable photo of Gio getting his breakfast in bed this morning because he was still kind of groggy and didn't want to get up to eat and the vet responded with "Awww,"  and then I was all "Also, there was a hair lodged in his mouth WTF?!" and he hasn't gotten back to me yet. So, you know, that's... what's happening here? Just a normal day, I guess?

I'll keep you all updated.

 

 

 


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We got a new oven! ...and I'm already banned from using it.

So, Fiance and I got a new oven installed in our apartment this morning, and if you follow me on Twitter, this is not news to you, but if you don't, let me catch you up:

This was super exciting because our oven was pretty old and temperamental (in a bad way) and while I loved that it had character, that character was a bit frustrating, so getting a new (used) oven was hopefully going to drastically improve things so that I could bake even more things, and pretend to be a cheeky British person in a tent on the grounds of some castle somewhere hoping to win a cake plate. A girl can dream...

So this morning, my mood was this:

 

Everything was going according to plan. Until I got hungry and decided to make a pot of macaroni and cheese (the lunch of adults) while simultaneously attempting to bake a lemon poppyseed bread loaf. I think it was the multitasking that was really the problem. That and the fridge magnets... Allow me to explain...

You see, we have these magnets on the fridge that double as chip clips, and they are very handy at holding cute pictures of nieces, but my cookbook wasn't staying open to the right page and I desperately needing something clippy to fix that. So there it was, the clip I needed, dutifully sitting on the fridge, holding an adorable photo of Fiance's niece. I needed the clip.

So I unclipped the picture and attempted to set it on top of the fridge temporarily, but then a breeze came in through the window or maybe I didn't actually set the picture far enough away from the edge of the fridge or something, but either way, the picture fell. We don't need to start pointing fingers as to who is responsible here.

It should be noted that the fridge is right next to our new oven that I was so excited to use, and the pot of water for the mac and cheese was boiling on the burner that is closest to the fridge.

So Fiance's little niece fell from atop the fridge and down to.... well...

Luckily, she did not land in the pot of boiling water. Unluckily, she did land in a way that her arm was maybe too close to the burner.

Okay, fine, her arm was touching the burner.

Me: AH!!!

Fiancé: (from the next room) What happened?

Me: Nothing... everything is fine!

Fiancé: ...I don't believe you.

Me: Don't come in here!

Fiancé: ...why?

Me: Because I may or may not have set your niece on fire!

Fiancé: What?! HOW?!?

Me: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS?!

Needless to say... I don't think I'll be asked to babysit at his sister's house for a while...

It's snowing and I'm happy.

Hello friends!! It's snowing like crazy here in Connecticut today and Gio, Fiancé and I are in absolute heaven. The fact that I don't have to go into work and that I've been pouring baileys into my coffee all morning (a snow day tradition in our household) might be contributing to this feeling of euphoria, but STOP JUDGING ME I'M GOING TO BUILD A SNOWMAN LATER.

I always love when it snows. I can tell it's happened right when I wake up in the morning. Everything is quieter and there's something different about the way the light comes in through the bedroom windows. I can also see snow falling from the sky, so that helps to clue me in, too.

Anyway, blog followers, I don't really have a ton to say here this week, but I just wanted to pop on the blog and say hello. I have some cool ideas cooking up that I can't wait to share with you. New projects to launch and whatnot, but they're still simmering and not quite ready to be served, so I'll just have to leave you in suspense until they are ready, but I'm excited about all of them, so I hope you are too!

If it's snowing where you are, make sure you send me pictures! I love seeing what you're all up to. Build a snowman. Build a whole scene of them! Give them swords and turn it into a battle! Make snow aliens! Construct a snow wedding! The possibilities are endless.

I'll be posting our snow adventures on the social medias, so keep an eye out (links to my accounts are on the right!).

Remember to keep loving each other. Remember that I love you all.

Thanks a lot, weird genetics.

I'm twenty-five, but if you were to just look at the state of my  hips and back, you'd think I was decades older. I have a lot of strange issues with my skeleton, most of which are caused by the fact that I have a very acute form of spina bifida. Don't worry, it's so mild that it isn't life-threatening or anything, but it does come with its own issues. Essentially, I have an extra vertebrae in my spine, and my tailbone never really... happened. I guess when I was still in my mom's womb, my tailbone was all "NO! I'M NOT READY! I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE THE REST OF THE SPINE!" and then the rest of my spine was like "Dude, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, this girl is going to be born with a tail. IS THAT WHAT WE WANT, REGGIE?" The end result? A sort of half-formed tail bone... thing. It's not noticeable in any way, unless you're looking at my x-rays, but it's a thing that sometimes causes problems.

For example, I woke up the other day and my hip felt like someone just popped it out of the socket and now it's refusing to go back in. And, because I know that whole song about all the bones being connected, there is shooting pain and discomfort up and down the whole left side of my body... which results in people staring at me when I think I'm alone as I try and bend my body into all sorts of weird positions to hopefully put my hip back in its rightful place. And this is a small town. People talk. So now I'm that girl.

And my hip decided to do this at a really not awesome time, you guys. As many of you know, I work in a bookshop, and yesterday was Independent Bookstore Day. Indie bookshops across the country, including this one, were celebrating with tons of festivities. I planned many of our festivities, and one of those festivities was a Rad American Women Dance Party. This was because one of the exclusive merchandise items was a 7-inch LP inspired by the book, Rad American Women A-Z, which is an awesome book, and I suggest you rush to your local indie bookshop and buy it right now.

So yeah. I was doing my best on this very busy shopping day to not show how much pain I was in, all the while knowing that the grand finale would be a dance party, and that I was to be pioneering this dance party, so I was really going to have to shake it.

Oh, and did I mention that I had no pain meds with me?

Let's just soak this all in.

  1. Spina bifida.
  2. Rebellious hip bone.
  3. Terrible back pain.
  4. No meds.
  5. LET'S BOOGY.

I was about to panic for a moment, so I went into the back room to take a deep breath and to try and stretch my back and then I took to twitter:

And all I really got in response was some nonsense about wildebeests that I'm still trying to make sense of... so twitter kind of failed me on that one. I think. I'm still not sure.

And then the time came, and - I kid you not, folks - no one showed up for this dance party. There were a few stragglers in the store, yes, but they were all very disturbed when I told them what was about to happen.

But you know what? I blasted Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and danced anyway. Because life is short.

Plus I was also hoping that if I danced, maybe I would move a certain way to pop my hip back into place.

On to the current thing.

I've been struggling with patience lately. Not on the small scale. It's not like I get jittery when waiting in line or anything, but on the large scale, I'm going nuts. I have a list of life goals and they are BIG goals:

I want to own a house. 

I want to be a published writer. 

I want to run my own business.

I want to be married.

I want to have five dogs, and a vegetable garden, and some chickens and goats. 

Okay, so that last one isn't necessarily a major life goal, but it's a thing that I want and that I can't have unless I accomplish more of the big goals in my life, so I put it on the list.

And I'm frustrated with myself because I have a really good life right now. I am working full time in a bookshop, which has been my dream job since I was ten years old.

I have  a boyfriend who loves me and doesn't make me feel like I have to wonder if, I just have to wonder when. Either that or he's misled me terribly and things are about to go real bad.

My dog is just one dog, but he's the best dog I could ask for. Okay, so sometimes he pukes in my bed, but it's not his fault. We've all had embarrassing vomiting moments, right? I mean, are any of us really proud of the times that we've puked? If you are, please contact me, because I admire your confidence on a serious level. But I digress. My dog is awesome. I mean, if you have any doubts, just look at my Instagram feed. That pooch can take a selfie. And his photobombs are on an expert level. Plus, HE'S JUST SO FLUFFY.

And my living situation? I'm really lucky to rent a home that I can afford to live in by myself and it's got so much character and tons of land to roam on and it's next to a field of cows. Who doesn't love fields of cows??

So, really, my life is awesome. But it's stagnant. Or at least it feels stagnant.

I think we all struggle with this from time to time. We reach a certain point where we start to feel like life is at a stand-still and we're so focused on what we want to happen next that we stop letting ourselves see what's happening now, which is scary because what happens when I have all those things I listed before? Am I just going to sit there and still get this feeling of impatience? Will I have acquired new goals? Or will I finally have figured out how to look at my current state of life and think "You know, this is pretty awesome! What more do I need? Sure, now I have five dogs who puke in my bed, but who cares, we're all drunk anyway, so NO JUDGEMENTS!" And then I'll just pour everyone another glass of wine and keep eating cheese.

In my ideal life, there is lots of wine and lots of cheese, and I'm always throwing awesome parties. Some would argue that in my ideal life, there shouldn't be dogs puking in my bed, but THESE ARE MY DREAMS, SO HUSH.

But that is all still to be discovered. Today, I need to sit and focus on how wonderful things are right now. Great things are to come, yes, but great things are also already here. And one dog puking in my bed is enough.

For now.