A Mildly Inappropriate Conversation with My Mother

Mom: I just found your old bank checks that you lost a few months ago. Me: Seriously?! Where??

Mom: In a laundry hamper in the upstairs hall closet.

Me: Obviously.

Mom: Yeah, that makes total sense, right? I'm actually finding a lot of interesting things!

Me: Whatever it is, I'm holding it for a friend.

Mom: The packet of ribbed condoms, too? Darn, I was gonna take those! Hahaha

Me: Ew! What?!?!

Mom: They were inside a big winter glove. Probably a gag gift, right?

Me: Well, at least we know the gloves are having safe sex.

Mom: Hahaha - The poor thing doesn't have a partner, though!

Me: Aw, so lonely! And yes, my friend gave them out as a gag gift a few years ago. I completely forgot about those.

Mom: Nice!This is the fun part about my kids moving away. I get to go through all their sh-t... Good God, how many hats did you knit?!

Me: They kept me from needing the condoms.

 

knitting