I've posted various vague posts on Facebook about this, and today, I posted a rather blunt one in a blogging group that I'm a part of: First of all... Thank you to everyone who responded. Every single comment (and there were way more than I was expecting) was encouraging and you have no idea how much I needed each and every one of you today. The responses ranged from "Just keep powering through. You'll get there." to "Don't go for funny. Go for real." or instead of advice, some of you just said "This too shall pass."
I haven't gone a day without crying in 2 weeks and 4 days. In those 2 weeks and 4 days, I've lost so many things and I feel like I've gained so little. Maybe I'm just not seeing the silver lining, but that's usually something I'm so good at doing. Maybe the depression is just winning right now. I've never really been depressed. Ever. I've been sad, sure, but depressed? This is totally new territory for me. I've never woken up sad until now. I've never not known the upside of the situation.
I have never felt more alone and lost in my entire life, which is why I haven't been the best blogger lately, among other things. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm hurting. I'm at this point where everything in my life could be labeled as "Status: Pending" and it's the scariest place I've ever been. I've never needed Big Love like I do right now. I've never needed good news like I do right now.
I honestly don't know what else to write, so I'm going to leave the rest of it to Ingrid Michaelson, because her "Girls and Boys" album has been my soundtrack through all of this.