Not a real post, but a great reminder!

Hi friends! This isn't a real blog post, but it's just a friendly reminder that the public #SundaySupdates episode for the month is tonight at 8pmEST on the youtube channel! Come and watch me try to cook while also trying to answer your questions - all live! Who knows how many body parts I'll still have by the end!

I do this show every Sunday for the patreon supporters, but the last Sunday of every month, it's open to all! If you're interested in joining in the fun every week, head on over to the patreon page to become an Awkward Ambassador today!

It's a really good time :)

 

Fred Flinstone Is Missing and Now My Dog is Possessed.

The other night, we received our PupJoy box, full of goodies for the dogs, and one of the toys was this GIANT rubber squeaky bone covered in cloth that kind of looked like it was stolen from Fred Flinstone's closet?

 

Yes. The fabric looked exactly like his... dress? That's a dress, right? Fred Flinstone: Man of Confidence. Wait... was Fred Flinstone poached to make my dog's toy?!?! WHAT ABOUT BAM-BAM?!?!

I can't think about this right now. THIS WAS NOT THE POINT OF THIS STORY WHEN I STARTED.

Let's focus, people.

So my dogs got this giant, rubber, squeaky toy and Aloy was in love with it right away. So she was all "IMMA SQUEAK THIS THING SO MUCH." And then she did for like 45 minutes before she got distracted and then Gio was like "I shall skin it."

 

And so he did that and then when Aloy came back she was all "WAIT, MY TOY HAS CHANGED THERE IS A NEW PART THAT I DIDN'T SEE BEFORE."

And then she proceeded to INGEST HALF OF THE RUBBER BONE WITHIN THE FLINSTONE SKIN.

Of course, The Mr and I didn't notice that she was actually EATING the rubber until half of it was gone and we were like "Well, crap. Now what?"

And basically the only answer to that is to just... wait it out.

 

So fast-forward to 4am. I woke up to what I thought was The Mr screaming. And so I said "What's wrong, why are you screaming?" and he was like "I'm not. THAT WAS ALOY."

Our dog SCREAMED LIKE A HUMAN. And not like a blood-curtling shriek. She just screamed like "AHH"

 

It was like she was possessed by some weird Rubber Ghost.

But then she puked up a bunch of rubber and everything was fine.

 

Okay, now let's get back to the important thing. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANY OF US SAW THE FLINSTONES ALIVE?


And now, for some business:

 

I'll be performing at this open mic night on Saturday Night with some really amazing people. All proceeds go to the Loaves and Fishes Soup Kitchen in New Milford, CT. If you're able to make it, please do! I'm reading one of my most awkward pieces I've ever written, and everyone else will be reading really incredible stuff, so it should be a good time for us all.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.


Last night was the October Public #SundaySupdates. "What is #SundaySupdates?" #SundaySupdates is a show on which I answer your questions while preparing supper on a Sunday. On the last Sunday of every month, #SundaySupdates is public! Yay! All other episodes will only be available to the Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. To become an Awkward Ambassador, click here: https://www.patreon.com/awkwardlyalive

Check out last night's episode here and then go sign up on Patreon to join in the fun every week! It only almost always starts and ends in disaster.

 

Gym Drake is my Unicorn: A Sequel

Okay, so the last time I wrote about the gym, we all learned about my obsession with this guy at our gym who looks exactly like Drake. I was pretty excited to go back to the gym tonight, not because I wanted to get buff or anything (seriously, exercise is VERY boring), but because I haven't been able to capture this guy on camera yet and I feel like I owe it to us all to provide photographic evidence of his existence. And alas, we walked in to find that 1) There were more people than usual for this time of day and 2) NONE of those people were Drake.

To say that I was depressed about this fact might seem dramatic, but let's call a spade a spade. I lazily went through my workout. It became pretty clear that Gym Drake holds the power of my motivation.

So after 30 minutes of just meh-ing around, I went and stood by The Mr. While he did things that looked difficult yet physically rewarding, I hopped onto Instagram Stories:

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BUT THEN HE APPEARED.

Seriously, everyone, just as I hit "send" on that video, Gym Drake came down the staircase that I was standing next to and rounded the corner into my vision NOT TWO FEET FROM MY FACE.

So, naturally, I spun around frantically in small circles before running after him. Subtly.

 

via GIPHY

I needed that photo.

As luck would have it, he ended up going into the weightlifting room, and The Mr had ALSO gone there. Ignoring the fact that I never saw The Mr leave the room we were previously in, I knew that this. Was. My. Moment.

I walked over to The Mr with the expression you see in the above photo still on my face. He looked at me and sighed before nodding to confirm that yes, he had seen who just arrived and then he gave me a look like "I swear to God Emelie if you get us kicked out of this gym, I will divorce you."

Everything was set up so perfectly, though. The mirrors in the room were perfectly positioned so that I could pretend I was taking a picture of The Mr when I was really just getting a photo of Gym Drake in the background.

THIS. WAS. MY. MOMENT.

And then, just as I was raising my phone to make the capture, Gym Drake suddenly got up and quickly left the room.

It took everything in me not to fall to my knees screaming.

 

via GIPHY

And HE NEVER CAME BACK.

I swear to you that he does exist and that I have seen him MANY TIMES. I'm just pretty sure that he can sense when cameras are around and, like a unicorn, he must avoid them before his existence is revealed, because THE WORLD CANNOT HANDLE THE MAGIC.

Or maybe he's a vampire? And if I tried to photograph him, I would find out, and then he'd have to bite me or kill me, so maybe he's really just thinking of me because he wants me to live. Aw, Gym Drake... you're just the best.

 

via GIPHY


In other news, this month's public episode of #SundaySupdate was last night and it might have been the greatest episode yet? Apparently, cracking eggs is my cooking superpower and my knife skills are "frightening," so... I HAVE SUPERPOWERS! I'm pretty sure that's the takeaway here. Anyway, if you missed it, here is the episode. If you're interested in joining us every week, sign up to be an Awkward Ambassador on Patreon! We have tons of fun.

 


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

Just keep loving.

The news this weekend was difficult. I had a particularly hard time finding my sense of optimism on Saturday, but then I saw this tweet from The Bloggess, a woman who almost never fails to make me smile, and I felt the light in my heart get a bit brighter:  

And she's right. It seems that the jerks are the loudest in the room right now. But I want the change that. So, taking more notes from the fabulous Bloggess, I'm going to make a point today and for as long as I can to be Furiously Happy. To be Deafeningly Loving. To be Overwhelmingly Optimistic.

Because I refuse to let hate win. In fact, I refuse to let it think it even has a fighting chance.

Because just wait until you see what Love can do.


In other news, here is yesterday's #SundaySupdate video! The video got really laggy at some points and I'm not sure why, but the audio seemed to be doing just fine for the whole thing, so... hopefully all issues will be cleared next week. Enjoy!

 


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

I went to the gym and YES I AM OKAY.

Okay so last week I posted this on Instagram:  

Dear God, what has happened to me? #IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing #gym #workout

A post shared by Emelie Samuelson (@awkwardlyaliveblog) on

And I'm not going to lie, a number of concerned comments was... telling.

Everyone was all "WHY? ARE YOU OKAY? HAVE YOU BEEN BODY-SNATCHED? WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHO ARE YOU?"

Which, okay, fair enough, I'm not exactly the type of person who "works out" or is "physically fit," so maybe these comments were justified, but the sheer number of them was, like, breath-taking! Or maybe that was the cardio? I'm not sure.

Either way, The Mr and I have willingly joined a gym and tonight I had my introductory body assessment and personal training session. I went in expecting to embarrass myself, and if you must know, I delivered.

The body assessment was interesting. I'm shorter than I thought I was, which either means I'm shrinking or I've been lied to. I also learned that my legs are jacked, but my arms are disturbingly weak. This was demonstrated when my trainer had me go from a plank position on my hands down to my forearms and then back up again. I imagine it was like watching a baby giraffe try and get up for the first time, but with less success.

Before we started working out, though, my trainer asked me a few questions:

Her: Okay, so I just want to have a quick chat before we get started. What is your experience with being in a gym?

Me: Basically zero. I was in marching band and I read a lot.... but I'm enthusiastic and totally not afraid to look like an idiot!

Her: Awesome! I can work with that! So, what are your goals here?

Me: To still be able to move when I'm 85, like Dick Van Dyke, but also I'd like to become a superhero, like Wonder Woman.

Her: ....Alright. Whatever it takes to keep you motivated, I guess.

Me: I suppose the Wonder Woman one is self-explanitory, but have you seen Dick Van Dyke lately? He can still do a good chunk of that physical comedy he is so well known for, and in an interview, someone was all "How do you still do it?" and he was all "I've just always worked out since I was in my twenties." I admire that.

Her: That actually makes sense.

Me: Sorry. I'm a bit of a dork.

It was then that I remembered I was wearing a tank top that read "My name isn't Luna, but I can Love Good," so this statement was probably unnecessary.

In the end, I think she liked me, and I actually kind of know what I'm doing now. I learned that I'm good at squatting, but also that the way that I sometimes stand with my toes turned inward is bad for my hips, so... I can squat, but I can't stand? I'm a positive person, though, so I chose to focus on the successful squatting, which led me to shout "I CAN SQUAT!" at The Mr when he and his trainer walked into the room. People stared at me. The Mr gave me a high five. He's nice.

And I actually taught her something too! She had no idea that there were games on the rowing machine, which there totally are. You can chase fish on the screen and everything. Honestly, what did she think that machine was for?

 


In other news, the very first episode of Sunday Supdates happened last night and it was AWESOME!!! I only set off the fire alarm once!

I mention in the video that all episodes after this will only be open to my Patreon supporters (and then broadcast afterward publicly), but I think I'm going to do a public episode one Sunday a month. Anyway, here is the first episode. Enjoy (and then go sign up to be an Awkward Ambassador on Patreon!)

 


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

Will you come hang out with me on Sunday?

I am terrified. I've decided to do a live Q&A on Sunday at 5pm EST via YouTube (I'll tweet out a link and stuff that day) and I'm so scared that no one will show up. Will you come? Basically, here is the plan:

It's a #SundaySupdate, and I only plan on it lasting an hour. I'll answer almost any questions you ask (books, life, dogs, math problems that I can't solve, questionable advice, etc) and in turn we'll get to know each other better because I don't just want this blog to be me shouting at you guys about my weird life. I want to build community, I want to start collaborating with you all.

And if you can't make it on Sunday, but you still have questions, you can totally submit them ahead of time. Either post them as a comment here on the blog or send them to me on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram using the hashtag #SundaySupdate.

So please? Join me on Sunday? Don't make me into that lame kid who throws a party and then ends up sitting around squirting spray cheese into her mouth while crying and watching Planet Earth by herself because no one showed up.

To entice you a little bit, the dogs will also be there and maybe just maybe you'll get to witness the cuteness that is them playing together.

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