Grocery Store Anxiety

My mom and I were on our way to get our nails done before my wedding and as we were driving along, we were listening to the radio. We weren't talking much, but I didn't particularly find it to be an uncomfortable silence. My mother, however, did not feel the same way. Mom: For the love of God, say something.

Me: Um... sorry?

Mom: Why are you so quiet?

Me: I don't know! We're listening to music! I didn't have anything to say!

Mom: You always have something to say.

Me: Not always.

Mom: Well, the silence is weird.

Me: Alright... what are you going to do after we get our nails done?

Mom: I need to go to the grocery store.

Me: Oh... do you want me to go with you?

Mom: No, I like going by myself.

Me: Oh, thank God. I hate grocery stores.

Mom: ...what?

Me: I hate grocery stores. They give me anxiety.

Mom: How can a grocery store give you anxiety? It's just a grocery store.

Me: I don't know. I get overwhelmed. There are so many options.

Mom: Yeah, but just buy what you want. You don't need to get everything.

Me: Well, yeah, but I don't know what I want. Take bread for example, have you seen how many different types of bread there are? There's whole grain, all grain, 7-grain, whole wheat - what is the difference between whole grain and whole wheat, by the way, and which seven grains are in the bread, are those the seven grains that I want? - and then there's white bread, which I know isn't the one I should get, and then there's organic and all natural and so many different brands, you know? Oh man, and then I go to the produce aisle and I get so afraid of how to tell what's ripe and what stage do you buy certain things, and why is always SO COLD? I hate going through those freezer aisles. It's the worst --




Me: ....

Mom: ...your brain is really terrifying, you know that?

Me: Thanks, Mom.

And then it started to rain, but because we were in my brother's car, I couldn't figure out how to turn on the windshield wipers, so I started talking to the steering wheel and then I realized that the windshield wipers were activated by a lever that operated much like a Bop-It, so I started imitating the Bop-It, but I don't think my mom knows what a Bop-It is, so I can't really say that I helped ease her mind about me.

Needless to say, I did not end up having to go to the grocery store, so I still say the day was a massive success.

This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here