It's not a secret that I don't always make the best of choices.
I set off fire alarms just by boiling water.
I trip over my own feet.
I say ridiculous things when the situation gets awkward and uncomfortable, which inevitably just makes the situation even more awkward and uncomfortable.
My body is all messed up due to a birth defect.
I'm smart about some things, but not most things.
I don't know how cars work and driving gives me anxiety.
Most things give me anxiety.
I'm basically just constantly making a fool of myself.
And so one would think that I'd be super down for fixing all of these things.
But the truth is, I'm not so much interested in fixing these things as I am in finding a way to balance them.
Because I like me and I don't want to become one of those people who is constantly at peace with myself.
World peace? Yes, please.
Don't get me wrong: I want to fix some things. The physical stuff can be a real drag. I hate having monthly migraines and the fact that my hips always hurt, so I try to do yoga every day - I even like the meditation part of it a lot, so I'm not dragging on that at all.
But I also think that part of that whole narrative of self-care which has become so buzzy these past few years is not so much about learning to "be better" and more at peace and all "ommy" all the time, but to just love your dang self - not in a "look at me I'm so awesome" kind of way, but in a "I ENJOY BEING AROUND MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I'M WEIRD BECAUSE WEIRD IS FUN" kind of way.
And it's not that I'm not constantly trying to be a better person or version of myself. I'm constantly improving.
I just don't think that I need fixing.
Maybe instead we should treat ourselves like one of those Japanese Kintsugi bowls where when it breaks, people just put the pieces back together by filling in the fractured bits with a special gold lacquer, thus making the bowl even prettier than it was before. All because it was broken.
I'm weird and anxious and I use cartoon-like voices to express myself.
I talk to my dogs (and I believe they talk back through me).
I have irrational fears of sharks in pools.
I know that my toilet is haunted, which is a thing that excites me rather than scares me although it probably should because ghosts possessing you through your toilet bits is VERY concerning.
My body is screwed up and I'm working on that.
I often go down rabbit holes of trying to live a zero waste life only to end up accumulating a bunch of trash.
This is who I am.
And if I wasn't that, then what the heck would I write about?
Homemade yogurt recipes that you can freeze in your old toilet paper rolls to make your own push-pops probably... but doesn't the internet have enough of those?