Last week I had a physical with a new GP and I was actually really excited about it because I've been having terrible migraines up to three times a month for the past... seven years? It felt like it was time to get it checked out.
Up until now, I've tried a myriad of solutions:
- Acupuncture - relaxing, but generally ineffective.
- Chiropractic treatments - this ultimately led to me discovering I have spina bifida aculta, which is great to be aware of but also did nothing to solve the migraine problem.
- Diet changes - I drank more water, less coffee, ate more iron-rich foods in case it was an iron deficiency, etc. Nothing works.
- Prayer - gave me general good vibes, but apparently, God isn't letting this one go that easily.
So there I was at a real doctor's office at last, and I was finally going to get some answers, friends! She was going to check my blood and be all "HOLY CRAP, WHY AREN'T YOU EATING MORE CHEESE?" or something. I don't know what doctors really say when they look at bloodwork, but I assume the answer is always more cheese, but also I'm not sure it's possible for someone to eat more cheese than me? For example, my chef friend who we'll call "Sookie" for obvious reasons, texted me the other day that they had mac and cheese available at her restaurant for lunch and then she was all "unless you want your regular sandwich?" and I was all "how is this even up for debate right now?" and she responded with "I don't know! Maybe you had mac and cheese for dinner and breakfast?" at which point I told her that I would still want mac and cheese if that dream scenario were in fact true.
Wait, what was my point again?
Oh right, I was at the doctor's and she was about to solve all of my problems.
We talked for a while. I really liked her. She listened to my long list of concerns and thoughts and made me feel heard. That part was great.
What was not awesome was when she was all "So we're going to check your bloodwork and if it's anemia or something, that's great because we can work on that, but otherwise, you should know that migraines often happen for seemingly no reason at all."
So guess what happened when I called them to get my results, friends.
"EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS NORMAL"
Now, obviously, most people would be thrilled to hear that their blood work came back with no glaring problems, but when you have a glaring problem with seemingly NO LOGICAL REASONING, you start to feel... what's the word? Oh right. Doomed.
And then... a migraine hit me THE VERY NEXT DAY.
But it's okay. It's all going to be okay. You know why? Because if you think about it really hard, this really just makes me more mysterious, right? And who doesn't love a woman of mystery? They're always dressed in cool dark dresses, with long hair and big eyes and men are all "oh man, she's so mysterious. I have to draw her."
So I imagine The Mr will see me with my migraines and then be compelled to do the same.
P.S. I just found this on giphy when I searched "woman of mystery" (which also brought up A LOT of borderline porny stuff, by the way) and I have no idea who drew it, but now I need to know, so if you have that info, please leave it in the comments! Thanks!
Hey! On April 8th, my writer's group is performing excerpts of our work at The Hickory Stick Bookshop in Washington Depot, CT! You should come. I'll be there and I'll be reading some new material! There will also be a bunch of talented people reading their work.