John Hamm and Anderson Cooper Compete for My Tagline

So.. I'm not so good with one-liners. I'm more of a...ramble awkwardly in that way where I'm constantly trying to explain what I mean with a zillion examples - like when people continue to just stare at my while I talk, and then I can't stop talking until someone tells me to shut up. Yeah... I'm one of those... So, when it came time to pick a tagline for this blog, I wasn't exactly hitting home-runs...

But John Hamm is brilliant at those kinds of things!!

As is my dear sweet friend, Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper is a great friend of mine who is an actor in NYC. And he looks just like CNN's Anderson Cooper if he was 23.

So I contacted both of them and told them to compete.

My Conversation with Anderson Cooper: 

Me: Anderson. Do you have a moment? And would you say that you're good with one-liners? Zingers, if you will?

Anderson Cooper: Yesssssss. I've been drinking wine and eating chocolate, so yes.


My conversation with John Hamm:

Me: I need a good subtitle for the blog. I'm thinking something along the lines of "Spend time with me. I'll embarrass you." Help?

John Hamm: Uhm, you just want like a few words for a tagline?

Me: Yeah. You're better with one-liners than I am. You're competing with drunk Anderson, though. Bring your A-game.

John Hamm: Cooper?

Me: Yes.

John Hamm: Awww. :) Ok, brainstorming now.

Anderson Cooper's submissions: 

Anderson Cooper: Is the name of your blog a play on "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close"?

Me: I never intended it to be...

Anderson Cooper: This is the tagline of the movie: "This is not a story about September 11th. It's a story about every day after." Play with that?

Me: Um... that's a little too... close to home?

Anderson Cooper: Deal with it. Where did you get [the blog title] from then?

Me: My brain.

Anderson Cooper: Cool.

At this point, I was already kind of regretting my choice in Anderson Cooper. He may have been too far into the wine to be productively funny. But I continued...

Anderson Cooper: Something about a ball pit is coming to me... Like at Chuck-E-Cheese. You're fun. It should be fun.

Me: I don't know if I want to invite people into my ball pit...

Anderson Cooper: Just throwing ideas out there. Just let it happen. Let's cut through the bad to get to the good. Maybe you need a specific reference. Cultural or biblical or book-al. Not biblical. That was just for the sake of threes. You understand.

Me: You're killing me, dude...

Anderson Cooper: In a good way?

Me: In an "I'm laughing" way...

Anderson Cooper: Good. Something came to me. Give instructions to your readers. Something like: "Sit down, shut up, and read." But less bitchy... Like "Find a comfortable chair..." etc. Describe it. Order people to be relaxed... I'm really surprised that there's nothing Swedish here.

Me: This isn't a blog about me being Swedish.


Me: When have I denied it???

Anderson Cooper: Just now. Only just now. Never before, for sure.


Anderson Cooper: Ugh. "Putting my underpants on two legs at a time." Don't deny it.

Me: Haha - nothing with underpants. A fellow blogger already has that.

Anderson Cooper: Give a list of things you aren't good at.

Me: Life.

Anderson Cooper: But make it seem like you are making a list descibing things you are.

Me: This is getting complicated...

Anderson Cooper: "Walking with poise, sounding eloquent, acting dashing. Things you won't fine here. Give in."

Me: That's actually not bad. Still not a winner, but definitely a nominee.

This is when Anderson Cooper signed offline and continued to text me from the NYC subway.

Anderson Cooper: Something like... "I'm not stealthy. You'll see me coming."

Me: Oh my gosh. I love it.

Anderson Cooper: "Heads up, here I come!" "Off balance and loving it." "Two left feet. Two right decisions."

Me: What were my two right decisions?

Anderson Cooper: Hahaha tipsy. "Skyfall" "Let me fall on you." "I will fall on you."

Me: Oh, Anderson...

Anderson Cooper: Hahaha right?

Me: I can't tell if you're still coming up with taglines or talking about yourself...

Anderson Cooper: Uncharted meets uninhibited means AH WATCH OUT. AH A SPIDER I was just surprised. What's the difference?

At this point I decided I had officially lost him, but I had won my tagline. Now you're probably wondering how things went on John Hamm's end, right? Did you forget about her side?

John Hamm's submissions:

John Hamm: "Come for the coffee, stay for the stories about dog puke."

Me: Good, but Anderson Cooper is winning with "I'm not stealthy. You'll see me coming."

John Hamm: Lol nice.

Me: Got anything better?

John Hamm: Not at the moment. I'm really distracted by "30 Rock" Sorry.

Yeah... John Hamm did not bring her A-Game - or maybe she just wasn't drunk enough?