My Friends Don't Know How to Lead Happy Games of Life Lives and It Makes Me Upset.

So, if you read yesterday's post, you know that I played a far too intense Game of Life this past weekend. The way that I play The Game of Life is that you have to write your character's memoirs whilst you play. Why? Because it usually turns out to be hilarious. In the case of my friend, Colin, life was depressing... But that might just be Colin... Anyway, "Frances's" Life was way more interesting... And no children died. Frances was also a dude who picked a lady piece so he had to change his name to Frances. Because equality, people. Equality.

I was tired of Suburbia and fitting into the social norm. I prayed my station wagon held up for the trip out East. The travel agent job satisfied my desire to balance running with work, and it paid off because I won my first marathon and met a tough girl at the race. She has an edgy side to her and we hit it off right away. Six months later, we were married!

One month after the wedding, I learned her name: Collon.

We wanted to live life to the fullest, so we took out a loan so that we could cuddle by the beach in a new house.

What's better than a cat? A baby. We're prepping for the test tube baby or for the right man with the right bone structure.

We kept our heads down for a bit, but maybe the draw of suburbia isn't so bad? Shitty. Thought we were in  a nice area by the beach, but we're just scraping by.

Well hey! Things turned around when a huge (obviously closet homosexual) accountant tipped me handsomely! We treated ourselves to a tropical vacation (where we discovered a lack of well-defined bone structure. Oh well.)!

When we got home, I ran into a has-been rock star named Emelio. He wasn't in a good place and easily attached himself to kind people. We became close friends and it quickly became apparent through his drunken state that I could easily steal everything he has. Collon and I weighed the options and decided to do it. Sucks for Emelio, but YOLO, right??

We signed up for tennis camp, just for the hell of it! We even stopped by the daycare to see if we could pick a little guy up, but it didn't work.

Sadly we gave up on looking for the perfect bone structure and adopted! Twins! We named the little man-hater Mindy and the want-to-be female, Collon, after his mom.

Our first family outing was to the beach! Our little Colon went off on his own and dug a hole. At first we pitied him, but then he found a gold watch and so much more!! Buried treasure!

It still seemed like Collon was having trouble fitting in, so we tried to get to know him by having family game nights instead of watching TV. Suburbia much?

We're making so much money that we're unstoppable! We sponsored a golf tournament, ya know, for funsies!

The druggie we stole from wanted to travel again, and he came back to us to book an expensive trip, but he ended up recognizing me! He called me out publicly in his memoirs and I was forced to return his identity. We're trying to keep our heads down for a while now.

We made it to retirement! We've lived to an old age and we've returned to the beach to witness our sweet kids grow up. Collon ended up impregnating a girl he met while digging another hole (some kids never grow up!). She's really nice and exactly his type!

I can't decide if I need new friends or if mine are more awesome than I can appreciate.