I've been struggling with patience lately. Not on the small scale. It's not like I get jittery when waiting in line or anything, but on the large scale, I'm going nuts. I have a list of life goals and they are BIG goals:
I want to own a house.
I want to be a published writer.
I want to run my own business.
I want to be married.
I want to have five dogs, and a vegetable garden, and some chickens and goats.
Okay, so that last one isn't necessarily a major life goal, but it's a thing that I want and that I can't have unless I accomplish more of the big goals in my life, so I put it on the list.
And I'm frustrated with myself because I have a really good life right now. I am working full time in a bookshop, which has been my dream job since I was ten years old.
I have a boyfriend who loves me and doesn't make me feel like I have to wonder if, I just have to wonder when. Either that or he's misled me terribly and things are about to go real bad.
My dog is just one dog, but he's the best dog I could ask for. Okay, so sometimes he pukes in my bed, but it's not his fault. We've all had embarrassing vomiting moments, right? I mean, are any of us really proud of the times that we've puked? If you are, please contact me, because I admire your confidence on a serious level. But I digress. My dog is awesome. I mean, if you have any doubts, just look at my Instagram feed. That pooch can take a selfie. And his photobombs are on an expert level. Plus, HE'S JUST SO FLUFFY.
And my living situation? I'm really lucky to rent a home that I can afford to live in by myself and it's got so much character and tons of land to roam on and it's next to a field of cows. Who doesn't love fields of cows??
So, really, my life is awesome. But it's stagnant. Or at least it feels stagnant.
I think we all struggle with this from time to time. We reach a certain point where we start to feel like life is at a stand-still and we're so focused on what we want to happen next that we stop letting ourselves see what's happening now, which is scary because what happens when I have all those things I listed before? Am I just going to sit there and still get this feeling of impatience? Will I have acquired new goals? Or will I finally have figured out how to look at my current state of life and think "You know, this is pretty awesome! What more do I need? Sure, now I have five dogs who puke in my bed, but who cares, we're all drunk anyway, so NO JUDGEMENTS!" And then I'll just pour everyone another glass of wine and keep eating cheese.
In my ideal life, there is lots of wine and lots of cheese, and I'm always throwing awesome parties. Some would argue that in my ideal life, there shouldn't be dogs puking in my bed, but THESE ARE MY DREAMS, SO HUSH.
But that is all still to be discovered. Today, I need to sit and focus on how wonderful things are right now. Great things are to come, yes, but great things are also already here. And one dog puking in my bed is enough.