Someone Broke Into My Home and Gave My Dog a Pedicure.

Okay, what the hell is going on?

Last night, I came home and saw what I thought was blood on my bed sheets.


Naturally, I freaked out, and started checking my dog. I found what I thought was dried blood on his toe and around his nail, but it was hard to get a good look, seeing as how he hates having his feet touched.

See it? Right there, on the toenail. 

Upon further inspection I found that none of this was blood. It was my purple nail polish.

How the hell did this happen???

John Hamm had been in my apartment that day, so I texted her:

Me: ...did you paint my dog's toenail?

John Hamm: No...Why?

Me: Someone did... Are you lying to me? You were the only one there! And I most certainly did not paint his toenail...

John Hamm: I'm not! I really didn't!

Me: What the f--k. Who the hell broke into my house and painted my dog's toenail?!?

John Hamm: I have no idea. That's weird.

Me: I'M AFRAID!!!!

So then I called Dragon, thinking that maybe he had done it a few days ago and I was possibly just really slow on the uptake...

Me: Did you paint my dog's toenail??

Dragon: ...what?

Me: Someone painted Gio's toenail!!

Dragon: How do you know?

Me: Because he has purple nail polish on his toenail!!

Dragon: How did he get the nail polish?

Me: I highly doubt he painted his own freaking toenail, Dragon. Someone else did it and John Hamm swears it wasn't her.

Dragon: ...I don't understand.

Me: Someone broke into my house and painted my dog's toenail! This is like that one season of Dexter when the serial killer sends the hand with different colored fingernails to the police as a sign. I'm going to get murdered!

Dragon: I did not paint your dog's toenail.

When I went back home to do some investigation, I found that the nail polish bottle was missing. At this point, I started to wonder if maybe Gio had just chewed the cap of my nail polish, causing it to leak... but then why can't I find it? And how is it only on his toenail???

Did you paint my dog's toenail? Are you sending me some sort of murderous message?

I am so not sleeping tonight.