Oh my dang, Duckies. The Suburbia police blotter this week sure was packed with awesome. Check these out:
Visitors to Suburban Springs Park called police after a person dressed as a bear was reportedly scaring people July 24 at 5:32 p.m. Officers said witnesses reported there were juveniles in camouflage and a person in a ghillie suit -- designed to resemble heavy foliage -- using a video camera. The perpetrators left before police arrived.
I don't care what the Suburbians say, this is comedy gold, and I can't wait to see it on YouTube. You go, bear and ghillie guys! You go!
Yard Toilet papered:
A Suburbia Way resident told police someone threw toilet paper all over the yard sometime during the night July 22. Damage was estimated at $10.
Another Yard Decorated:
A Suburbia Drive resident said his yard was damaged July 23 by someone throwing toilet paper in the yard and writing on the driveway with shaving cream. According to the police report, the shaving cream was used to print vulgar words and disturbing images. Damage estimated at $1.
Honestly, I'm just really glad that kids still do this stuff. But, one dollar? Really? That's the damage your going to report in the paper? Because, I'm pretty sure that the water bill and then the labor you have to exert to clean up the numerous rolls of toilet paper are worth more than a buck. Don't undersell yourself, Suburbia!
Cats at Large:
A Suburbia Drive resident said July 25 at 7:58 p.m. that a neighbor's cats come onto her property and leave rodent carcasses in her backyard -- and also taunt her dog. The officer spoke to a nearby owner of two cats who was advised to keep the cats indoors or contained in order to comply with no animals at large ordinances.
This one is by far my favorite. They "also taunt her dog." That is all.
We have such criminals around here, you guys... Don't walk alone at night. You might get covered in toilet paper... or approached by a man in a bear costume and his ghillie companion.