This makes me uncomfortable, but I'm trying a thing.

The best career advice to give to the young is, 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.' -Katharine Whitehorn

I have a really hard time asking for money, especially when it comes to things that I enjoy doing. For some reason, my gut instinct is to say "Sure, I'm working hard, but it's work I enjoy doing, so the work is its own reward! Why would I want to be paid for it?"

This is a stupid approach. It's really stupid considering how much I believe that you should find a job that you enjoy doing.

So... I'm accepting the fact that even though I enjoy writing funny stories and it's a lot of fun for me, it is work and it's a thing I work hard at doing, so maybe I should be able to make money doing it?

God, I'm so uncomfortable right now...

Here's the thing: This blog will always be free, and I've never been comfortable with the idea of ads or paid posts. Whenever I see advertisements anywhere, I'm annoyed. I don't want them before my videos, I don't want them in the middle of my tv shows, I don't want to see them when I'm driving on the freeway. None of it. So why would I want them on my blog?

I've thought about asking people to advertise their blogs here on my blog, but then I think to myself "Eh, I just want to list those for free because I love them, not because they paid me."

But I also think that writers should be paid. I think creative people should be paid. I am a writer and a creative person. And I work hard at what I do, but I also think that the only way I want to be rewarded for that is because people also like what I do. So... I found Patreon.

Patreon is basically a way for you to support the creative people whose work you enjoy. It's like Kickstarter, but continuous, and if you choose to support me as a writer, you'll get special perks outside of this blog - like a book recommendation from me, a cute picture of my dog thanking you personally, a live q&a session with me, or even a crocheted critter.

And if I reach my goal, I can create even more funny content for you guys. I can tell you even more funny stories, and the more funny stories I tell, the better I'll get at telling them, and together we will make this blog even better - all because of you and your support. I have big dreams to take this blog and this community further, but I can't accomplish them alone.

Now, you don't have to do this. You don't have to pay me a dime. Even if I never make any money, I'll keep writing this blog and I'll keep writing stories because it's something that I love to do, but if you think that creative types deserve to be paid for what they do, I urge you to at least consider it.


Are you a creative person on Patreon? Share your work and your Patreon link in the comments below because I'm not just looking to be supported, but I'm looking for more people to support!

Now go forth and do the thing!

How Do I Adult?

Okay, so earlier this week, I went to go write my rent check and when I opened up my check book, there were NO MORE CHECKS. "NOOOOOO!!!"


So then I was all "okay, this is fine. Time to refill my checkbook."

And that's when the problem really arose. I can't find my box of checkbooks. Anywhere.


Even sadder yes.

So, I figured they were at my parents house, so I drove into Suburbia to search for them. I went up to my bedroom and searched through my desk, my filing cabinet, and any other drawers I could find. I did not find the checks. I did find a DVD of the musical "Cats" and some other embarrassing mementos from my past.

Later at the bank...and by later, I mean at 9:15 this morning....

Me: Hi, I need to make a withdrawal.

Banker: Okay, I just need to see your license.

Me: Sure. Also, I have kind of a dumb question... I can't find my checks anywhere - like the box of checks - and I need to pay rent, and earlier this week, I opened up my checkbook to pay my rent and there weren't anymore checks, so I was all "Nooooo!" There's no way that you guys would have just sent me one booklet of checks, right? I'm not an idiot, am I?

Banker: can check to see what the next check number would be in your order?

Me: Oh, that would be super!

And then a guy walked into the bank with a puppy that looked like this:


And that's when both the banker and myself lost our shit and couldn't really focus on how non-adult I am. Until the puppy pooped everywhere, but that happened later.

We regained composure and she was all "Yeah, you should have four more books" and I was like "Awesome! I'm so responsible!"

So, I went back to my apartment to give my landlords some cash and to turn my place inside-out - and I mean that quite literally. It looks like my life exploded in there. Except there are still no checks. Not even in the default "I don't know where to put this, so I'll just cram it in here" drawer!

How are they not in there?!?!

So... That's my twenty-something problem of the day, but at least I got to see a cute puppy poop in a bank, so I still consider today a win.

Enjoy the rest of your America Weekend! Yay!


My House is Growing Money!

So last night I came home from work and as I opened my front door, a neatly folded dollar bill fluttered out from between the door and its frame. At first it freaked me the hell out. I thought it was some sort of trapped moth or freakishly huge flying bug. No. It was money.

I looked around suspiciously before picking it up and walking inside. Who the hell put that there?

Dragon was at work.

John Hamm was at her home, which is forty-five minutes away and who drives that far just to put a dollar bill in my door?

There is only one answer.

The doggy manicurist strikes again!!

If you don't remember that story, click here to read it, because that shit was crazy.

I wonder if they felt bad... and now they're trying to apologize via small amounts of money.

Is there more coming?


I mean, don't get me wrong, having a strange little gift-giving manicurist lurking around is kind of fun, as long as it's not in that Season 1 of Dexter kind of way. I mean, I don't want to find out that I have a creepy serial killer hanging out, even if he is paying me and making Gio awkwardly beautiful (as if he needs help).

I will spend this dollar carefully. Don't worry, whoever you are, it will not just be thrown away at some drive-thru. No, no. I don't know what to spend it on yet, but I'm sure you'll let me know...


It's Difficult Being So Misunderstood.

So, the other night I was sitting around with Dragon, John Hamm and Gumby. We were watching TV and I think the ad for Lincoln came on or something, but I'm not really sure. That's not important. What's important is that we starting talking about the new movie Lincoln. Dragon and I had just seen it earlier in the week (it was awesome) and so we were telling John Hamm and Gumby how amazing it was.

Dragon: Oh man, that movie was so freaking sweet.

John Hamm: Yeah, I really want to see it.

Me: Daniel Day-Lewis was soooo good.

Dragon: Yeah, like he did the Lincoln voice perfectly!

Me: Even his look was spot on. I was looking at all the five dollar bills in our register at work the other day, and I thought to my self "Wow. That really does look just like him!"

That's when everyone started laughing.

Dragon: Yup. She just said that.

I stand by my statement. I mean, what would be a more accurate depiction of President Lincoln than the five dollar bill? You cannot tell me that the make-up artists did not reference this nation's currency at all when working on Daniel's face. The similarity is just uncanny.

Later on when it was just me and Dragon in the car I brought it up again.

Me: What was so funny about my comment that Daniel Day-Lewis looked like Lincoln on the five dollar bill?

Dragon: *sigh* Nothing, Emelie. Just don't worry about it.

Me: Fine, but I'm right and you know it.

People just don't look at the world the same way I do.