Dear Diary: What Has Greg Been Up To? Part 2.

Read Part 1 Here So, this week, it's all about the Return of Greg!!

Let's get right to it, shall we?

Dear Diary: I've never seen Greg and Obama in the same room together. Coincidence? I think not, Diary!

Dear Diary: Does Greg really look how we think he does, or is he just constantly cosplaying himself?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has been traveling the mighty amazon? In a boat shaped like his hat?

Dear Diary: I wonder how many more tattoos Greg has gotten since he left!

Dear Diary: Do they grant him favors when he travels among certain indigenous peoples?

Dear Diary: Is Greg the Avatar?

Dear Diary: Along that line... Has Greg discovered Navi? Did James Cameron base his movies on Greg?

Dear Diary: Did Greg go back in time and invent the sock hop? I sure hope so, Diary...

Dear Diary: ...or the jitterbug?

Dear Diary: Is the Charleston of Greg's creation, too?

Dear Diary: Did Greg invent so many daces because, as a teenager, he moved to a town that outlawed dancing?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg was at the ratification of the Constitution? Did Greg stick it to King George?

Dear Diary: Did Greg originally start time traveling to save Doc Brown?

Dear Diary: I'll bet Greg invented the flux capacitor.

Dear Diary: Is Greg a real psychic detective, or is he just hyper observant?

Dear Diary: Has Greg been chillin' in Middle Earth? Is he best friends with Tom Bombadil, Diary??

Dear Diary: Has Greg been aboard the Nostromo?

Dear Diary: Is Greg in Costa Rica? At Jurassic Park?

Dear Diary: Did Greg invent the four-part harmony? ...all by himself?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg and the marmoset are still friends? What if the marmoset, accustomed to the time machine, became drunk with power?

Dear Diary: Is the marmoset now Greg's nemesis?

Dear Diary: Are Greg and the marmoset waging an eternal war throughout all of time? That would be epic, Diary...

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has ever blamed it on the bossanova? If so, what was it?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has been training with yogi masters in India?

Dear Diary: How is his pigeon pose?

Dear Diary: Has Greg ridden an elephant?

Dear Diary: What do you think the chances are that Greg has become a deadly assassin with a blowgun?

Dear Diary: How many honorary degrees do you think Greg has? I'll bet he has a wall of them!

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has befriended the Wiklevoss twins?

Dear Diary: Has Greg met Ben Affleck or Matt Damon yet?

Dear Diary: I wonder if Ben Affleck and Greg have started writing a movie yet...

Dear Diary: Is Greg the real Mark Zuckerburg?

Dear Diary: Do you think that Greg went to the year 3012 , partied, and then came back to tell Justin Bieber that it was only okay?

Dear Diary: Was Greg at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance?

Dear Diary: Has Greg been with Tom Cruise in the Danger Zone?

Dear Diary: Is Greg's ego writing checks his body can't cash?

Dear Diary: Has Greg been in one long volleyball game with Cruise and Val Kilmer?

Dear Diary: Was Greg at the Alamo?

Dear Diary: Did the marmoset forget the Alamo? Is that why they had a falling out?

Dear Diary: Has Greg been in an alternate universe? Hanging out with Leonard Nimoy? (#fringe)

Dear Diary: Has Greg been in an alternate universe? Hanging out with Lenoard Nimoy? (#StarTrek)

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg successfully traveled around the world in 79 days?

Dear Diary: Is Greg the man behind the curtain?

Dear Diary: Does Greg rule Oz, Diary?

Dear Diary: Does Greg have ruby slippers?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg went away to discover the lost world of Atlantis?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has wrestled a giant squid?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has discovered El Dorado?

Dear Diary: Did Greg sale the ocean blue in 1492?

Dear Diary: Is Greg's marmoset actually an animagus?

Dear Diary: Is Greg the only other one who can do all those things like Gaston?

Dear Diary: Does Greg use antlers in all of his decorating?

Dear Diary: Is Greg roughly the size of a barge?

Dear Diary: Does Greg have biceps to spare?

Dear Diary: Is every last inch of Greg covered in hair? ...Ew. I don't know how I feel about that, Diary...

Dear Diary: Is Greg a werewolf?

Dear Diary: Did Stephanie Meyer base almost all of her characters on Greg?

Dear Diary: Is he hiding from the summer sun, Diary?

Dear Diary: Will Greg ever call me "spider monkey?"

Dear Diary: Do you think he ever calls the marmoset "spider monkey?" If so, does the marmoset find that offensive?

Dear Diary: Does Greg persecute harmless crackpots?

Dear Diary: Is Greg the NSA? Can he read these entries right now? I hope so, Diary...

The End. ...For now.


I'm Boycotting GoodReads. It'd Be Awesome If You Joined Me.

I know. It's a big dream. GoodReads is amazing. You'll probably never leave them. But the thing is that Amazon just bought them, so in my eyes, they've officially gone over to the dark side.

I've talked about the fact that I'm an independent bookseller before on this blog, but today I'm going to go pretty far into what that means. You see, Amazon is kind of a douche as a company. They're monopolizing the book market, putting your favorite little indie bookshops out of business, and frankly, not really giving a damn. Did any of you see when Ann Patchett was on Stephen Colbert? No? Go watch it.  For whatever reason, I can't get it to embed here, but it's a short video.

So there's that.

So yeah, I could also rattle off statistics about how your local economy is damaged by shopping at big box stores, but I'm sure the fact that something like 60ish% goes back into your community when you shop local verses the 40ish% that goes back when shopping in a chain doesn't interest anyone.

And Amazon? Well, just google the history of their tax situation. Or maybe you recall the day that they urged their customers to go into local bookshops and use their "price comparison app" to see how much they could save by shopping online? Yeah, that was fun.

Okay, I should stop ranting. Let me point out why you should shop local and not attack others. That's not like me.

The local shops are going to take care of you not because they work on commission or because they get paid to, but b ecause they love the fact that you love books and are willing to support the shop because of that. I literally work with a woman who agreed to work FOR BOOKS when things got rough at the store. That's worth thinking about.

So yeah, I'm leaving GoodReads, because it's one thing to include Amazon in your business, but to sell out your entire website to them? Well, I'm sorry... If I keep going with them, it's sleeping with the enemy.

So where am I going?

Two places:

Just search for EmelieAwkwardlyAlive. You'll find me.

I know it might be inconvenient to ask, but if you would join me, I'd really appreciate it. I also get that a lot of you guys don't have a local bookshop anywhere near you anymore, so you've gone to Amazon just to get your books in general, and that's still supporting authors and stuff, so I still love you.

I know this wasn't a particularly funny post, but I really needed to share this with all of you.

I'll be back to my normal quirk tomorrow!

Love you all.