BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FISH.

A conversation I had with The Mr as we were getting into bed: Me: Do you think fish ever get headaches?

The Mr: I'm sorry, 'do fish get headaches?'

Me: Or any animals, I suppose. Do animals get headaches?

The Mr: I've never really thought about it.

Me: It must be so terrible to have a headache as an animal. I wonder what they do about it. Because it's not a life-or-death malady, is it? It's just an annoyance, but it can be so annoying that you can't do anything else... but I feel like animals don't really have that luxury, do they? They can't be like "Not tonight, I have a headache." or "I don't feel like hunting today, my head hurts," or on the flip side when one animal sees another animal out on the hunting grounds that isn't usually there, they're not like "Hey Steve, what are you doing out here today?" and then Steve has to be all "Oh, just seeking out some herbs for Julie. She's got a massive migraine," you know?

The Mr: I don't think that's how the animal kingdom works.

Me: Yeah, but you can't tell me that we're the only species that gets headaches.

The Mr: Well... most headaches are caused by dehydration, so... yeah, I'm sure animals get headaches.

Me: Okay, BUT WHAT ABOUT FISH?? They're never dehydrated.

The Mr: Good night, honey.

via GIPHY


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23 things to make you smile. Right now.

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I've been making more of an effort to spread cheer and optimism over there. I don't really know what started this, but for some reason lately, I've been trying to broadcast happiness on a grand scale. Maybe it's because the headlines lately have been exhaustingly sad and rageful. Or maybe it's just because I like happy things and I honestly don't think the world can have enough happiness. Either way, yesterday, I asked people on twitter to only tweet about the good stuff happening and using the hashtag, #HappyTweets. Now, I'm not a person with a ton of followers, so this didn't take off quite as much as I'd hoped it would, but that's okay. I still managed to tweet happy things, and I'm going to keep this going, even here on the blog. So... in the event that you just need a reason to smile, here is a list of things to be happy about in spite of what the news tells us:

  1. Puppies. I tweeted about this yesterday, but how incredible is it that we live on a planet on which puppies exist? Puppies, possibly the cutest things ever, happen all the time. They're just all around. And then, on top of them being cute, THEY LOVE EVERYONE. Have you ever met a puppy that didn't want to snuggle or play? Many books have been written on the love that dogs give us, but I think puppies deserve an extra boost right now because we are so lucky to live in the same universe as them. Just soak that incredible fact in.
  2. Artists. Okay, so I'm also floored by just how amazing it is that we are living at a time when people like Jenny Lawson, Hank Green, J.K. Rowling, Hannah Hart, Ben Folds, Rainbow Rowell, etc. all create stuff that we get to enjoy and learn from. Every day, there are amazing artists of all types creating things that we just get to sit down and be like "THIS IS A THING I ENJOY" and then we get to walk away feeling inspired by those people and things they do. Especially now. Now we are in a time when content is just constantly available to us - and often for free. This brings me to the next thing...
  3. The Internet. Okay, I know: The Internet can be full of terrible people, but you know what? It's also full of amazing people and amazing communities. Before the Internet, the only people available to you were just the ones physically surrounding you. If they weren't into the same stuff you were, that was just the pits. Now? Now you get to go online and log onto some forum or social media account and say "HEY, I'M REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT FAKE LIZARDS MADE OF SAND AND WAX." and someone else could be like, "OH MY GOD, ME TOO!!" and now you have a new friend who is in a totally different country. The Internet is an amazing place for people in search of community and friendships. I met the love of my life because of the Internet. I'm able to write and have a small group of readers because of the Internet. I'm currently listening to music because of the Internet. All the jerks out there? They are nothing in comparison to the awesomeness that I find on the Internet.
  4. Books. THERE ARE SO MANY STORIES OUT THERE TO READ. FAIRY TALES AND REALISTIC FICTION AND MURDER MYSTERIES AND SCI-FI AND HISTORY. IT'S ALL OUT THERE JUST WAITING FOR YOU. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?
  5. Flowers growing through cracks in the sidewalk. This doesn't need any explanation. Tiny, delicate, beautiful things emerge and break through the toughest of materials. As cliche as it is, this metaphor is wonderful and we should all remind ourselves of it daily.
  6. Music. No matter your taste, music is out there for you to fall in love to and with. Perfectly timed melodies and beautiful lyrics come to us in all sorts of ways and we get to apply them to moments in our lives as though someone is building a soundtrack for us. I just love it.
  7. Coffee. 
  8. Your ideal weather. For me it's 77 degrees and immediately following rain. I love rain, too, now that I'm thinking about it. Sure, weather can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but when it's also kind of amazing. Just picture your perfect day, weather-wise.
  9. Details in architecture. This one comes from my bestbian, Leah. She loves walking around the city with her headphones in and just looking at buildings and trying to notice their unique details. She's the best.
  10. Having a best friend. Many of us can think of our best friend(s). That person is someone who we can call whenever and just vent to. Best friends are the people who like you anyway. They're the best.
  11. Riding trains. I'm sure many of us have different feelings about train travel, but there is something so very classic and, as Leah puts it, "British" about the experience. She and I love British things, so this is in our happy column.
  12. Good television. We are in an age of amazing television right now. Shows that are beautifully written and make us think. This is awesome. I, personally, love great dialogue. Great dialogue is great.
  13. Crawling into a made bed at the end of the day. Oh man, is there anything more relaxing?
  14. Wearing an outfit that you know you look really, really good in. Admit it. You know what outfit this is and it is the thing you feel best about yourself in. Because you are really ridiculously good looking in it and you can do anything in that outfit.
  15. Pajamas. Duh.
  16. Making other people smile. 
  17. Rivers, lakes, and oceans. Bodies of water always seem to make me happy. I don't know why, but they're lovely. I've always really liked that line from Pocahontas where she says "my favorite thing about rivers is that you can't step in the same river twice." That has always made me smile.
  18. I know I said puppies already, but let's just give a shout out to all baby animals. Baby animals are just the best.
  19. Hugs. Good hugs are great. Even if you're not a hugger, somewhere out there is a hug that you love. I believe in that.
  20. When everything is where it should be. I personally hate cleaning, but I love when everything is clean, so I force myself to go through the grueling process of getting it there because I know the reward is worth it.
  21. Checking off everything on your to-do list. I rarely get to do this every day, but man isn't it awesome when it does happen? Yes. Yes it is.
  22. Live shows. In an age of digital everything, there is something even more amazing now about seeing something live. Last night, Fiance and I were lucky enough to see Ben Folds in concert and I'm still on Cloud 9.
  23. Love. This will be my last one, because ultimately, it is the most wonderful thing in the world and it is everywhere. Sometimes we struggle to see it clearly, but at the end of the day, when you're feeling really crappy, I think it's nice to remember that love is out there. Even if you're not feeling it, I think it's nice to know that it's there. It's nice to think about what you love and who loves you in spite of yourself. I think it's nice to love yourself. It's nice to remember that there is a puppy out there who will love you. Love, as a noun and a verb, is something that constantly amazes me. The fact that we are able to love and feel loved is something truly remarkable. Random acts of kindness are random acts of love and if you really sit back and think about it, isn't that just the most lovely thing of all? I think it is.

So that's my list as of this very moment. It's incomplete and constantly changing and being added to, but I invite you to write about what makes you happy in the comments. Tweet at me with happy things using #HappyTweets. Don't let the crappy headlines win. Flood the world with joy whenever possible.

Ready? Go.

It's Like Being a Disney Princess... Except All My Forest Friends Are Jerks.

Alright, Duckies, I need your help. For the past four days, I've been waking up to a Robin flying face first into my kitchen windows every three seconds, starting at 5AM.

That's right, guys, a freaking bird is trying to commit suicide via my home. What the heck???

Don't worry, it gets weirder.

The other morning, I got out of bed and walked over to the window, where I saw said bird flying at me. I assumed it was attacking it's own reflection, so I started dancing in front of my window to show it that there's no bird here, it's just me!!

It stopped, looked me right in the eye, and did it again. So, I took the next logical step and knocked on the window to try and scare it away or warn it or something. I don't really know what my reason was. It was 5:30AM and I was very sleepy and cranky. It was successful, though! The bird flew away and I went back to bed.

Until twenty minutes later when I heard that "THUNK" again... and again... and again...

This time, when I approached the window, the bird saw me, and flew away.

This pattern continued for about 2 more hours...

Around 7:30, I finally just decided to stay up. I went to the window and watched this bird smack it's face into the window more times than I'd like to admit while I had my coffee and tried to capture this whole situation on film. (Sadly, that bird would not cooperate with my camera.) That's when I saw the squirrel sitting on my porch swing.

That's right, Duckies, there was literally a squirrel using my porch swing, which sits just outside of the windows that the bird was flying into.

I looked at this little squirrel and saw that not only was he sitting on my porch swing, but he was eating a nut and actually watching this bird fly back and forth between the branch and my window.

I'm not even sure how to react to this.

Anyway, I can't figure out how to get this whole routine to end. It's been four days straight of this, and every morning is the same: The bird wakes up, starts flying at my window, and the squirrel eats his breakfast and watches it all go down.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? If so, please help.

This is my life. Why couldn't I just get the cute critters that sing to me and help me get dressed in the morning?

This is What Happens When You Watch Too Much SVU.

Hello readers!! Today is going to be a great day, I can tell.

First of all, I need to tell you all that Gumby got into Ohio State University's Vet School!!!

Yup. Those are animal hats. Because we party like adults.From the left: Dragon, John Hamm, Gumby, Me!

We're all super proud of him. In fact, I'm SO proud of him that I just had to share it with everyone via the internet. So....

CONGRATUALATIONS, GUMBY!!!!

So last night, a bunch of us got together for dinner to celebrate the aforementioned good news. We quickly realized that we have some very odd dinner conversations....

Gumby's mother was telling all of us about a certain glass bottle that they had on display in their dining room. Long story short, this exact bottle isn't supposed to actually exist, but her grandfather worked in the factory where they were made and so he stole one before they were all destroyed.

Gumby: I've always wanted to find other ones...

Me: Check eBay.

John Hamm: Yes, because all will eventually flow into the eBay...

Me: What? It could happen!

Gumby: Yeah, there was that one guy who found his stolen car twenty years later because the guy that stole it put it up on eBay. The dude got arrested.

Me: That must suck to be that guy... I mean, that's a long time to think you'd finally gotten away with it.

Gumby's Mom: Isn't there some sort of statute of limitations on that?

Gumby (shrugging): I guess not. I mean, if you can still prove it, it's fine. Like, with other crimes, I think the statute of limitations is relevant because the proof disappears. Like in rape and murder cases.

Me: So... the worst crimes imaginable are the ones that if you just run long enough, you'll get away with them...

John Hamm: Well, the first 24 hours are critical in any rape situation.

Gumby's Mom: Right. That makes sense.

Me: This is a nice dinner conversation. Congratulations, Gumby.

The weird thing is that this conversation came back up multiple times throughout that evening...