Blame It On the Cha-a-a-a-a-amomile

A conversation between my sister and I: Me: I've been having a really hard time falling asleep lately, so I started drinking chamomile tea.

Sister: That's a good idea.

Me: Yeah, and it's helping, BUT it's giving me really weird dreams.

Sister: Really?

Me: Yeah. Like... I had this dream the other night where I was in some sort of a desert camp thingy and I had to complete all these challenges and obstacles in order to be let out. All of a sudden a pack of red-eyed jackally things started chasing me, I remember that very clearly... and then I remember that our brother-in-law was supposed to be the guy that would pick me up when I got to the finish and get me out of there, and we were communicating through an earpiece like spies!

Sister: ...uh-huh...

Me: And so I was all "HELP! JACKALS ARE CHASING ME!" and he was all "YOU CAN DO THIS!"

Sister: ....

Me: And then I got to this one room and there was a huge river running through it and that's where I saw the other contestants and there were people on the other side and they were all "You have to make the bridge appear!" and I was all "I DON'T KNOW HOW!" But then I started figuring out that you had to whistle to the bridge at the right frequency and it would appear. Very Zelda.

Sister: What?

Me: And that's all I remember. The point is that chamomile is really fracking with my brain.

Sister: To be fair, you're a pretty weird person anyway... it's possible the the chamomile is just helping you sleep soundly... and that's why you're remembering all the weird dreams suddenly.

Me: ...




You make a fair point.


In other news, I've mentioned before that when I'm not writing about my weirdness, I sell books in an independent bookshop. Books are kinda my thing. So, my other bookselling buddy and I have decided to invade the Internet with our bookishness by starting a book review vlog titled "Page Break" and it's going to be super awesome. Here is our introduction video:

So for all you book-loving nerds out there, find us on Facebook, Twitter, and Riffle Books! Our first review will be up on Thursday, February 20th!

Thanks for your support, Duckies!

I'm Actually Surprised That I Made It Through Security.

So, as you may or may not remember, Duckies. Last week I was in New York City. This story has nothing to do with that, though, because the entire thing takes place in line at the airport.

So, there was this dude in front of me at the check-in line who had a GIANT suitcase. Like... he might have had a great dane in there. He didn't though, as I found out, because he bent down to open it while we were still waiting to be checked in, and he had another suitcase inside it. I was... fascinated by this guy.

So, naturally, I struck up a conversation because I just had to know what was going on there, and it turns out that he was a very nice young gent from St. Louis who was on his way home from College. Suddenly, things were making more sense.

Anyway, we wished each other safe flights and went our separate ways.

Okay, so before you start thinking that this ended up in some cute romantic scene at the airport bar, it doesn't. Instead it ends with me being weird when we ran into each other at the airport security line, where I found myself behind him in line for the second time that day.

St. Louis: Oh, hello again.

Me: Oh, hi! I'm not stalking you, I promise.

St. Louis: Oh good. Things could have been weird if you were.

So then all of a sudden, the airport security guy was all "Bag check!"

St. Louis: Is it for that gift bag?

Security Guard: Yeah, what's in it?

St. Louis: It's a gift for my girlfriend's parents. They're bath salts.

Security Guard: Alright, well we're gonna have to investigate it real fast.

St. Louis: Yeah, that's fine. Turns to me: Sorry about this..

Me: Oh, it's fine. I have plenty of time. That's a nice gift, though, so kudos.

St. Louis: Thanks! I can't take credit, though, it was totally her idea.

Me: Ha, fair enough. Still, nice thought. Although... I can see why these guys would be suspicious, since those things turn people into zombies and all...

And then there was an awkward silence just before they asked him to step out of line while they examined his bath salts.

I never saw him after that, so I sincerely hope I didn't get him detained or anything...


Anyway, in other news, I'm proud to announce that Pixie Stick and I are going forth with our web series Awkwardly Wonderful Dating Advice. Get ready to hear our weird stories and answers to all your dating questions, which you can and should send to It's sure to be amazing.

Your love life will never be the same. Probably.

More updates to come!!