I expect puppies and other updates.

A conversation I had with my Bestbian/maid of honor yesterday:

So... I think I'm on the right track here, right? Are my expectations too high?

In other news, it is June now, which means that my first ever Awkward Ambassadors have just gotten their first rewards for backing me on Patreon and I had so much fun putting them together. In fact, I had so much fun that I'm thinking about upping my game and including some other stuff for Patreon backers... maybe a weekly exclusive vlog? What are your thoughts?

Even if you don't back me on Patreon, you still get to partake in some of the benefits! For example, right now I'm asking for suggestions for which charity I should donate 10% of this month's earnings toward. If you have ideas, head over to the Patreon page now and let me know!

Oh! And I have fun news for you gaming nerds: Fiancé just went nuts and bought a ridiculous amount of streaming and recording equipment so that we can Twitch stream with a little bit more professionality. Tonight. So, if you're like us and you're not going out on a Friday night, stay home and watch us try and maintain a healthy and loving relationship while playing videogames together! Watch my twitter account for more details.

Okay, I think that's all for now! Sorry this isn't so much of a real post as it is just a deluge of information, but... wedding brain? TWO WEEKS! AH!

Do you write words? I need you! Specifically, I need guest bloggers to help me out while I’m on my honeymoon. This gig does not pay in dollars, but it pays in gratitude, and hopefully some new fans for you, so if you’re interested, please email me: samuelson dot emelie at gmail dot com.

This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks from me, please click here

Why Bachelorette Parties Should Never Be Scheduled on Mother's Day Weekend and Why My Friends Are Fantastic.

Meet "Topanga": topanga  

Topanga might possibly  be one of my most favorite people ever. I don't get to see her very often, because she's frequently saving lives as a nurse, but on the rare occasions that she is able to come out and play with the rest of us, the evening is automatically improved. Why? To put it simply: She has the best stories.

I should warn you that this particular story does involve some moderately inappropriate content, so if you're under the age of 18, you should probably walk away from your computer and just come back on Friday for something your mother would approve of. Maybe. 

Okay, now that I've disclaimed.... Let's get to Topanga's awesome story.

So, this past weekend was, as many of you know, Mother's Day weekend. Topanga spent Saturday, however, at a bachelorette party for one of her good friends. Just like any good bachelorette party, there were drinks, dancing, and inappropriate name-tags:



Now, ordinarily this would not be any sort of a problem. I mean, Saturday night you go out, wear a bit of genitalia on your chest, go home, remove said genitalia and Sunday morning you wake up, wish your mother a Happy Mom Day and the genitalia need not even be mentioned.

Unless you're Topanga. If you're Topanga, you go out, wear a bit of genitalia on your chest, go home, remove said genitalia and then wake up to find out that you're allergic to the adhesive that was on the back of the genitalia-shaped name-tag:


Topanga: It's hard being this classy, you guys. My mother had never been prouder. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom! There's a giant penis on my boob." I mean, the balls were gone by Monday morning, but the shaft was still there... And now [Tuesday] it's gone. ...You can still feel it, though...

And that, ladies and gents, is Topanga. And I love her.


What should I read next? Go to the Book Reviews page and tell me!