This Post Reeks of ADD and I'm Sor--- BUNNY!!!

Sorry for being lame and not blogging yesterday... or Saturday... I know you all must have thought that I hated you and resented you all for something, but stop being so desperate, Duckies! Have faith in my love for you! I could say that I just needed some "me time", but that's not even the case. My two day blogging silence was the result of two things: Exhaustion and Nothing to Write About.

The exhaustion came from a weekend full of late nights (like 4AM late) and NO, IT DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH 4/20. GOSH.

Seriously, though, I don't smoke, much to the disappointment of many a friend, but I do drink a lot of wine, so it all works out. That sentence had way too many commas.

Gosh, Emelie. What the heck is the point of this post? What ever happened to that Chicken that you wanted? Is that Robin still slamming into your window every morning?? 

Answers: Jay-Z is still not for sale. :( That Robin? Holy frack. I think this is the first time I've ever actually wished harm upon an animal.

I've tried everything!! I put up decorations in the windows - which included Jane Austen postcards and my collection of vinyl records - but nothing helped. The bird just thought "SCREW YOUR LITERARY POSTCARDS! I HATE FRANK SINATRA AND ARETHA FRANKLIN!!! WHY THE HECK DO YOU OWN THE COMPLETE SOUNDTRACK TO SHAFT ON VINYL???"

And all I could do was to yell back "STOP ATTACKING MY HOUSE - AND THAT SOUNDTRACK WAS A GIFT!!!"

Needless to say, my mornings have been eventful.

Anyway, Duckies... How was your weekend?

It's Like Being a Disney Princess... Except All My Forest Friends Are Jerks.

Alright, Duckies, I need your help. For the past four days, I've been waking up to a Robin flying face first into my kitchen windows every three seconds, starting at 5AM.

That's right, guys, a freaking bird is trying to commit suicide via my home. What the heck???

Don't worry, it gets weirder.

The other morning, I got out of bed and walked over to the window, where I saw said bird flying at me. I assumed it was attacking it's own reflection, so I started dancing in front of my window to show it that there's no bird here, it's just me!!

It stopped, looked me right in the eye, and did it again. So, I took the next logical step and knocked on the window to try and scare it away or warn it or something. I don't really know what my reason was. It was 5:30AM and I was very sleepy and cranky. It was successful, though! The bird flew away and I went back to bed.

Until twenty minutes later when I heard that "THUNK" again... and again... and again...

This time, when I approached the window, the bird saw me, and flew away.

This pattern continued for about 2 more hours...

Around 7:30, I finally just decided to stay up. I went to the window and watched this bird smack it's face into the window more times than I'd like to admit while I had my coffee and tried to capture this whole situation on film. (Sadly, that bird would not cooperate with my camera.) That's when I saw the squirrel sitting on my porch swing.

That's right, Duckies, there was literally a squirrel using my porch swing, which sits just outside of the windows that the bird was flying into.

I looked at this little squirrel and saw that not only was he sitting on my porch swing, but he was eating a nut and actually watching this bird fly back and forth between the branch and my window.

I'm not even sure how to react to this.

Anyway, I can't figure out how to get this whole routine to end. It's been four days straight of this, and every morning is the same: The bird wakes up, starts flying at my window, and the squirrel eats his breakfast and watches it all go down.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? If so, please help.

This is my life. Why couldn't I just get the cute critters that sing to me and help me get dressed in the morning?