We argue just like regular couples do.

Boyfriend and I don't fight much, but we've been having the same argument over and over again for the past few months or so. It's a fairly simple argument: I believe the toilet is haunted and he chooses to fall for the witchcraft of mechanical logic. You see, every now and again, multiple times a day, my toilet will make a noise. It's not a flushing noise. It's more like a... whispering. And every time that this happens, my eyes get wide and I look at Boyfriend with a mixture of fear and excitement and I whisper "ghosts!"

He inevitably responds in a monotonous voice at a normal speaking volume, "It's not ghosts."

Recently this escalated:

Toilet: whisper, whisper, whisper....

Me: Ghosts!

Boyfriend: You have a leaking valve in the tank. It is slowly letting water out into the bowl causing the tank to refill itself. It's not ghosts.

Me: 1. It's ghosts. 2. Stop raining on my ghost parade. 3. It's ghosts.

Boyfriend: 1. Ghosts are scary. 2. Ghosts scare me. 3. I don't like being scared.

Me: 4. Who tampered with the valve?? GHOSTS. They just want us to believe in logic. THAT'S HOW THEY WIN.

Boyfriend: 4. It could be caused by that thing you put in the tank to keep in clean. That could have caused build-up - or the gasket is old and rotted and needs to be replaced.

Me: or...Ghosts.

I'm not saying he's crazy or anything, but I don't understand how he can even try to argue with me on this one. He even tried to hit me with a "why would a ghost even haunt your toilet?" and I just yelled "DO I EVEN NEED TO BRING UP MOANING MYRTLE RIGHT NOW??"

And it's not just the toilet, if I'm being fair. I think it's also the bathtub. I've never heard anything in the bathtub, but sometimes the dog just walks in there and stares all panic-stricken into the bathtub and animals can see things that we can't, so you can't deny this one. Plus, this is a super old building. This house was built in the early 1800s! In Connecticut! There is a whole movie about Connecticut being haunted! Is he seriously going to try and tell me that this place isn't even slightly haunted? And sure, he says ghosts scare him, but it doesn't seem like this one is doing anything too creepy. S/he is just using the bathroom. Maybe that's how s/he died. After all, as I told Boyfriend, ghosts usually hang around because they have unfinished business....

It was at this point that he said, "Emelie, can we please talk about something else right now?"

"What, like the little boy I sometimes see standing in the corner of the hallway at night?" I asked.

He maybe hasn't talked to me since.

Just try and tell me you wouldn't smile the entire time you iced a cake with this.

I think it's fair to say that most of us are happier when things are cuter. Puppies. Kittens.  Baby Bunnies. Little kids when they're not being annoying.

Admit it, all of these things make you happier than say...

Grass. Flashlights. Junk mail. Dirty dishes.

Right? I'm right, right?

So, in my opinion, it only makes sense that when there is an opportunity to make something that isn't ordinarily cute even cuter, that opportunity should be taken.

Which is why I can't resist adorable kitchen items such as these: IMG_3770 IMG_3768

Meet Pastasaurus and The Grumpy Egg Beater (who has justified reasons for his grumpiness, I mean, come on... you're literally using him to beat his dead friends. It's actually kind of morbid when you think about it, so I just try not to).

This brings me to this past weekend when Boyfriend and I were out lunching and wandering around on this quaint little Main Street strip of shops on a Sunday afternoon like we were in some sort of Audrey Hepburn romantic film in the sixties or something. We strolled into a kitchen shop and my eyes kind of glazed over because cooking is not really my thing, but it is Boyfriend's thing, so I knew we couldn't simply pass by without going in.

As he bounced around looking at really expensive knives I knew he would never let me touch and pans that I couldn't understand why they cost over $100, I spotted it. The new object of my affection:

IMG_3769

A pigula.

And he was only $4. How could I say no?

Me: I must have him.

Boyfriend: ...seriously?

Me: Come on, you know I can't resist something this cute. GEB and The Pastasaurus need a new buddy.

Boyfriend: Fine. How about this: You can have your cute kitchen items and I'll have my practical ones.

Me: What, they can't be both?

And then I got this look that seemed to say "You don't really expect me to use a pig-spatula with any sort of seriousness, do you?"

So I walked up to the register.

Me (slightly louder than necessary): I would like this Pigula please!

Cashier: Oh, aren't these great?

Me: I mean, I can't resist something this delightful.

Cashier: And you know what? They're actually really great spatulas, too!

I'm going to put this one in the "Victories for Emelie" column.

And now I live in a hotel with a squirrel named Stanley.

It's official: HE'S ALL MOVED IN. His apartment is still in chaos, of course, but as of July 3rd, Boyfriend is a Connecticutian! HOORAY! I'm sure fantastic stories will follow about his adjustment process to living in Stars Hollow. I know that people were actually walking up to his parents while they were moving him in to ask all sorts of questions because this is small town life and when we see something, we say something. It's sort of like an airport in that way (and in no other way at all).

What makes this extra special is that he moved in over the Fourth of July weekend and it turns out that this tiny town actually puts on one hell of a fireworks show, so we walked over to the high school to check those out and I'd be lying if I didn't feel like the fireworks were actually in celebration of our own personal momentous occasion and not just the birthday of our great nation. It was pretty spectacular.

Also, now that we live so close to each other, Boyfriend thinks we should get Walkie Talkies. I am not against this idea.

Anyway, all this moving in and setting up apartments has gotten me all inspired to start doing stuff around my own house. While Boyfriend and I were on vacation, my friend Zoe watched the house and the dog and, being a chef/restaurant manager, she was appalled at my lack of a system in my kitchen, which is fair seeing as how my general process is this: "I need to put this somewhere... where does it fit? Ah! In this cupboard." This is regardless of what else is in that cupboard.

And the fridge is just a pile of cold things, let's be honest.

So as an early birthday present, Zoe came over yesterday and drank beer with me while we organized my kitchen. And now it is beautiful. IMG_3682

Zoe's personal favorite area is the coffee corner: IMG_3688

Mainly because it has this feature: IMG_3689

Zoe says it makes her feel like she's in a little hotel. I also think the fact that there is a squirrel involved has something to do with it because he is adorable. His name is Stanley.

So yeah, I guess this week has been pretty major. Boyfriend is living in town now and I officially live in a hotel.

With a squirrel.

Named Stanley.

I'm basically an expert on keeping relationships interesting.

So last night I was on the phone with Boyfriend while he was cleaning out his car. Me: Hey! I'm planning on doing that tomorrow too!! I can't wait. It really needs it.

Boyfriend: I know, so does mine.

Me: What are you talking about? Your car is always clean. I've literally never seen anything in your car that shouldn't be there... except for dog hair, but that's usually my fault because it's on my clothes.

Boyfriend: That's because all the messy stuff goes into the trunk, and today I had to find something in there and now it's just an explosion of stuff all over the car.

Me: That's so weird. You want to know what's in my trunk right now? One pair of shoes - and they're not just haphazardly tossed back there. I opened the back of the Jeep the other day and all I saw was one pair of blue shoes, sitting neatly lined up next to each other, ready for me to step into them. Meanwhile, the back seat of the Jeep, there are ice skates, a weird Hobbit banner for some reason, a Where's Waldo costume, more shoes, a poker set, and some towels that are all balled up in the corner of the seat. Do you know why those towels are all balled up back there?

Boyfriend: Because...

Me: Because I thought it would be nice to put some towels down for the dog so that when we go to the dog park he doesn't get the back seat all dirty.

Boyfriend: Well, that makes sense.

Me: Except for the fact that when Gio got into the car, he looked at the towels and balled them up and moved them out of the way!!

Boyfriend: But see, you just described my trunk! I promise that I'm messy, too! We're just reversed!

Me: Yes, but the difference here is that your mess is contained in a place where it is rarely seen. People aren't sitting in your trunk I HOPE.

Boyfriend: That only happened once.

Me: Really? How strange...

Boyfriend: I can explain.

Me:  No, I'm saying that it's strange because you've only had someone in your trunk once and I've only ever been in the trunk of someone's car once...

Boyfriend: ...I'm intrigued. I'll explain mine if you explain yours.

Me: No.

Boyfriend: No?

Me: Let's just agree to never explain those two scenarios to each other. That way we'll never really know. It'll be our way of keeping some mystery in this relationship.

Boyfriend: Fine, but I have a feeling that our stories are pretty much the sa-

Me: Shhhhh...

This totally counts as productive... right?

I'm supposed to be cleaning my apartment right now, but I got as far as clearing off my desk and putting some of my books away and then I was like "What's happening on the internet?" and now I'm stuck to my couch and since Boyfriend has already called me once today just to give me a cleaning pep talk, I have decided that all hope is lost and that maybe I should just accept my fate and never move again. It also doesn't help that it's snowing like crazy outside. I mean... this weather basically just begs you to be lazy. It's all "Hey, LOOK: Everything is frozen! Nothing is alive! FOLLOW MY LEAD. FALL TO THE GROUND AND STAY THERE FOR SIX MORE WEEKS. IT'LL BE GREAT."

But I really need to vacuum and there are still some dishes to do and stuff, so I thought I'd text Boyfriend one more time to see if he could help because the dog is all sorts of sheddy right now and this laziness and inability to adult is kind of unacceptable.

Me: I took a break. I can't get up.

Boyfriend: Hehe

Me: I’M A USELESS BLOB OF LAZINESS

Boyfriend: But you're still cute.

Me: CUTE DOESN'T CLEAN.

Boyfriend: That should be an inspirational cat poster.

Me: On it.

Boyfriend: Wait, did I just assist you with procrastinating?

Me: What? No.

I found that kitty picture here: http://www.buypetmedicine.com/pets/general/cute-kittens-and-cats-pictures/

***

In other news, I got an email the other day informing me that I have been nominated for the Funniest Blogging Award over at My So-Called Chaos' Best Blog of 2015 Awards, which is insane!! I didn't even know I was in the running to be nominated, so I'm seriously floored here. Thank you to whoever did this (I think I know who you are!).

This whole contest is based on votes, though, so this is where you come in, you awesome nerds. Click either on the link above or on the graphic below and head on over and cast your votes! Everyone who has been nominated (especially in the humor category) is amazing, so I know this will be tough for some of you, but I believe in you! YOU CAN DO IT!!! YOU GOT THIS!

2015 My So-Called Chaos Best of Blog Awards

 

And THANK YOU!!!

If someone steals this idea, I will be pissed. Or honored. I'm not sure which.

A text exchange I recently had with my boyfriend during my lunch break: Me: So this is a weird thing: I keep feeling slightly sick... But only at work...

Boyfriend: Well that is an interesting mystery.

Me: Right? My throat starts to get all sore and stuff.

Boyfriend: Wait, wasn’t there a problem with the heater? Did that get fixed?

Me: Yeah, it's working now.

Boyfriend: Well I wonder if that has anything to do with the air quality of the shop since it is effecting your throat.

Boyfriend: affecting?

Boyfriend: stupid grammar…

Boyfriend:  poutemoji apparently this is the pouting face according to Apple… I disagree.

Me: That is a face of fury. Who pouts like that?

Boyfriend: I know! Silly Apple...

Me: We should write them a strongly worded letter.

Me: Using only emojis.

Me: And then we'll see if they can decipher it correctly.

Me: And when they don't, we'll just be like poutemoji

Boyfriend: I like this plan.

Me: And then we can fork their lawn.

Boyfriend: We are going to need a lot of forks for Apple’s lawn, but that would be epicly amazing.

Me: Wouldn't it?!? We could wear all black and do it in the middle of the night!

Me: I think it would be fun to break into major places like that and shut down their security systems all Ocean's 11-like just for the sake of doing weird pranks.

Me: Can we be that couple?

Boyfriend: Of course we can!

Boyfriend: But we should wear mock turtlenecks and blue jeans as a sign of respect to Steve Jobs.

Me: This is why I like you.

Because Relationships Need Excitement. Even in Madagascar.

So, my good friend "Jen" is in the Peace Corps and is stationed in Madagascar right now. It's true: I'm not doing anything with my life.

Anyway, we have this awesome app that lets us use a wifi signal to call/text each other, which is insane... because she's in Madagascar and we shouldn't be able to do that (plus, do that have wifi over there? I'm ignorant.)

Not the point. Jen was texting me about her awesome life of teaching people about water sanitation and stuff, when she informed me that she was seeing someone who was also stationed down there.

Me: What?!? Tell me everything!

Jen: He's amazing, but currently working 12 hours away from me, so that's a bummer.

Me: How often do you get to see each other?

Jen: Haha, funny question. So I met him a then we had a week together. Then he went to the moust southern part of the country and is working with an organization down there for a month and then he's being relocated to... well, we don't know where yet because there was literally an axe murderer in his old town so he may be moving close to me soon, but we won't find out until Monday!

Me: Weirdest. Love story. Ever.

So yeah... apparently that's a thing that's totally normal in Madagascar, which was not included in the documentary I saw with all those adorable animated animals voiced by Chris Rock.

So... I feel misled.

Dragon's Day Off + My iPad = What the Actual F*ck?

   

So, Dragon had the day off one day, but I did not, which means that he was left alone in my apartment with my iPad all day long. Normally this means that he'll spend the day watching Netflix, playing video games and goofing around with Gio.

 

Something must have been in the coffee that day, though, because when I came home, I grabbed my iPad and found this little series of photos (I added the little face later for purposes which should be obvious):

 

number1_zps9ae9efc8

number2_zps052f759e

number3_zps4aececc0

number4_zps0712a320

number5_zpsb1a3cc3d

number6_zps4f780696

 

 

So.. This is what my boyfriend has been doing with his time... I've decided to name the villainous finger "Filango". I feel like he'd make a great evil villain in some cracked out kids show on PBS or something...

In other news, I hope that you're all having a splendid Thursday. Dragon, Jane, and I are all about to go ice skating (yes, I'll bring my camera), which can only be awesome, right? Here's to hoping that I don't fall and slice off any of my fingers (which is surely the only way to destroy Filango...), because that means blood in an ice rink, and that's a bad time for everybody.

And the Caption Contest Winner Is....

Congratulations, Kate! You won the caption contest! Here is the final product that is now for sale in the store:

I love it and I can't stop laughing at it. In fact, I'm totally buying one to hang in my bedroom because it's awesome. Kate you'll be getting your button, bumper sticker, and a little wall-hanging of your very own soon!
Thanks to everyone who participated! I got some fantastic entries that all made me laugh so hard. You guys rock! This was a great first contest!
Back to real blogging tomorrow! You won't believe what Dragon does sometimes while I'm not home....