Three-Year-Olds are basically geniuses. I think that's the point here.

Hello, duckies! Sorry I disappeared last week. Sometimes it's nice to just take a vacation from the internet once in a while, you know?

 

Anyway, today is my nephew's third birthday and when I asked him what he wanted to do, this is the response I got:

Nephew: I want to eat pizza and cake!

Me: Good. Your priorities are so in the right place, buddy. I like the way you think.

Nephew: Yeah! Pizza and cake with Mormor and Morfar!*

Me: Oh man... Now we're talkin'! Mormor and Morfar? Pizza and cake? This sounds like the perfect celebration! What are you going to have on your pizza?

Nephew: ....... Cake!!

Me: ....... You're a friggin' genius, dude.

*Grandparents

Also, thank you so much to those of you who watched and gave feedback on the latest Page Break video. There's a new episode up and you can check it out here!

By Writing This, I've Sealed My Doom. At Least Verbally. There's Still Room for a Violent Death in There Somewhere, I'm Sure.

Happy Friday, Duckies!! Thank you so much for all of your birthday well-wishes! It was a super wonderful day and now I feel much older and wiser. Twenty-three is totally the age where true wisdom happens, right?

Anyway, I got to talking with my best friend, John Hamm, about words that we hate. Like... words that make us cringe and that I full-heartedly believe should be removed from the the English language, or at least outlawed, because they're just awful.

"What are these words?"

I thought you'd never ask! Allow me to share my least favorite words in the entire world with you!

Moist - Ew. Just gross. Everything about this word makes me have the chills. Even writing about it, I have the urge to throw up and punch teenage boys at the same time. Even when I'm in the grocery store and I'm in the cake aisle and all the mixes are like "SUPER MOIST!" I just end up standing in the aisle, by myself, pointing at the cake box and screaming "EWWWW!!! WHY?!?!" So... that word has essentially ruined my chances of finding love at the market, which is sad. It should definitely be eliminated.

Panties - Why does this word exist? I've never ever referred to my lady-like undergarments as "panties." Something about it just sounds so sissy to me. It's underwear, you jerks. If you want it to sound sexy, call it lingerie. Panties is a cross between vulgar and childish and those two things should just NEVER be crossed.

Side note: You'll get a super angry vomit combo from me when you use the above two words together.

Lovers - I don't know why, but this word is just weird to me. I feel like it should be reserved for only rich mistresses to use when talking about their latest affair. It conjures up images of Hugh Hefner, botox, and old cleavage. You're welcome.

Necking - I heard someone use this term the other day and all I could picture was this:

Or when I force myself to think about it with humans, I just picture two adults literally rubbing their necks together, which is just weird.

Okay, so I realize that there is a theme with my list, but it started with moist and then one thing led to another and we were at necking, and now I feel kind of weird all over.... in a very uncomfortable way. I think that if someone wanted to have their awkward revenge on me, they could just slip these four words into one sentence and watch me explode with agony.

I've just sealed my doom.

What are your least favorite words?