Dear Life, I Will Stay Positive, So Just Stop Trying to Piss Me Off. You're Wasting Your Time.

So, the other day, I posted this on Facebook: Screen Shot 2014-02-27 at 4.21.43 PM

Day 1: I'm driving home and it's been a warm day, so I'm not thinking about ice. I go around a bend in the road and  suddenly my car is like "Yay!!! Let's go in circles!! Weeeeeee!!!!!!" and then the snow bank on the side of the road was like "STOP!"

I get myself straightened out and think "Okay, let's just get home, because we're right down the road. We'll check the car there."

I do just that and I'm amazed, but barely a scratch on the girl, so I sighed a sigh of relief and went inside to go to bed.

Apparently I should have been thinking about ice.

Day 2: My Jeep, Ramona, is all gruffy when I start her up. I'm all "Ramona, were you smoking last night?" and she's all "I'M SIIIIICK"

So, I call the mechanic as soon as I get home and make an appointment for my day off that week to bring the Jeep in to fix what I assume was my muffler.

I was wrong.

Day 3: I'm on my way to work and I start going up a hill. Ramona is wheezing like an asthmatic chain smoker and I'm reciting "The Little Engine That Could" to her in hopes that she'll pull through. That's when I slowed down and heard a "rrrrrrr-d-d--d-d----d--d--dderr....."

And then nothing. The car locked up. I couldn't even put it into neutral... so that's awesome.

The lucky thing (yes, there are lucky things in this situation) is that I broke down right outside of the church that I attend, so... I abandoned my vehicle in the middle of the road and ran inside to use the phone because I live in an area with no cell phone service (yaaaay...). First I called work and then I called the auto shop and then I ran back outside to hang out with my car again. As I was sitting on the hood and waiting for the tow truck, a cop shows up.

My mind: Oh please... let's just add a ticket to this...

Cop: Is this your car?

Me: Yeah...

Cop: Did you break down?

Me: No, I just thought the view was pretty here... Yeah, it just puttered out and stopped. It's totally locked up.

Cop: That sucks.

Me: Yeah...

So he hung out with me and made small talk until the tow truck showed up, which was nice, given the circumstances, and it kept me from having the stress induced break-down that I knew was on its way.

So the tow truck guy was nice and gave me a ride to work (because this girl shows up in style) and he was all "We'll call you at the store when we know what's up." and I was like "That is the kiss of death...."

So, all morning passes, and I hear nothing.

I go to lunch.

I come back and still nothing.

I call them.

Mechanic: Hello?

Me: Hi, it's Emelie at the book shop. You came and rescued me this morning in my Jeep Wrangler.

Mechanic: Yeah, the red one?

Me: Yeah.

Mechanic: Yeah... it doesn't sound good.

Me: I know, but you say that as if it's making sound, so that's good, right?

Mechanic: ...It needs a new engine.

Me: ...I'm sorry, what?

Mechanic: You heard right.

Me: Yaaaay.....

So then I got home that night and as I'm pulling in the driveway in my borrowed car I realize that my house keys are attached to my car keys, which are at the auto shop.... And that's how I found out that I can pick locks with bobby pins.

So, all in all, it was a pretty okay day. Right?

Okay, maybe not. It might sound like my life is crappy right now, BUT there are pros... and cons:

  • Pro: The mechanic said that it was clearly not a maintenance issue and that it was just a crappy situation. So, I was doing everything right.
  • Con: I WAS DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT.

 

  • Pro: No one was hurt.
  • Con: Except for Ramona (my car, for those of you who weren't paying attention). She's pretty hurt.

 

  • Pro: My pastor is awesome and happens to have a car to spare right now, so I'm not without transportation.
  • Con: Now I'm a nervous wreck while driving someone else's car.

 

  • Pro: I'm an optimist, so I always try and see the good side of things.
  • Con: Because I'm an optimist, life finds a way of trying to challenge me in that area.
  • Pro: I'm totally winning, so suck it, Life.

 

optimism

 

 

In other news, there's a new book review for Page Break, check it out here.

 

Nice to Meet You, Mr. Erin Brockovich.

So, yesterday, Fiona and I are working at the shop, selling books and stuff, like we do, when in comes this dude. Fiona: Hello, sir! How are you?

Dude: Doing well, how are you ladies?

Fiona: Great, thanks!

Me: Can we help you find anything today?

Dude: Nah, I'm just kicking the tires.

Fiona: Do you need a penny to check the tread? (These are Fiona's favorite types of jokes)

Dude: Haha, no thank you.

Fiona: Do you really kick the tires when you're shopping for new ones?

Dude: No, but I do check the tread - and the VIN number.

Me: Tires have a VIN number?

Dude: Yes, and you should always check it, because they might be expired. Did you know that tires have an expiration date?

Fiona: What?? They do??

Dude: Yes! You should always check the VIN number, because the older the tires, the worse they are. There are also certain times of year that you shouldn't buy a new car - for example, in the summer is when they start their new training shifts, so any cars made in the summer are the ones made by workers in training. Risky.

Me: Um... Sir, what do you do for a living?

Dude: Oh, I'm a lawyer. I sue big companies.

Me: Wow, really? What kind of law do you practice?

Dude: Well, mainly I work to take down corporations that make faulty medical equipment and such.

Fiona: No way! So, you know Julia Roberts, right?

Dude: Haha, no, but I do know the actual Erin Brockovich.

Me & Fiona: Seriously??

Dude: Yeah, Erin's in New York now. She's such an awesome woman. Anyway, I'll take this book here for my three-year-old.

And then Fiona and I met up with John Hamm, and while we were telling her all about Mr. Erin Brockovich, we realized that he was actually sitting like four tables away from us. If he heard us, I bet we made his night.

What can I say? Working in an indie bookshop is kind of badass.

Anyway, thank you, Mr. Erin Brockovich. You taught me so much last night. Please come back again!

And of course, I need to keep plugging this Indie-Gogo fundraiser to keep this badass shop going under the ownership of our current manager, Kate. Please donate! Thanks!