Creepy Things My Teenage Co-Worker Said to Me

Working full-time in a bookshop provides me with almost endless entertainment. Bookish people are kind of the best people on earth, but they're also the weirdest. Okay, maybe not the weirdest, but they've at least got a category on the Wheel of Weird, which I so wish was an actual thing. This might need to be a summer project. One of my co-workers is fresh out of high school this summer and working with him is always...memorable. Don't get me wrong, there are definite upsides to having a teenage employee. He does all the lame tasks that none of us want to do, like breaking down boxes or helping customers, and while most teenage employees have a tendency to play games at work or sleep or text, my teenage co-worker has discovered a new way to pass the time at his job: Mess with Emelie's mind. This is great because I'm not already a little off my rocker, so I needed a good push in that direction.

Me: Hey, dude, there's a bunch of boxes to break down out back, could you take care of that when you get a chance?

TC: Sure.

Me: Thanks.

TC: ...

Me: ...everything okay?

TC: ...If I came back with blood on my hands and shirt would that disturb you?

Me: ...what.

Ten minutes later

TC: That box screamed as I cut its throat. How does that make you feel?

Me: Dude. There are children in this store right now! What is wrong with you?

TC: So... disturbed, then?


This week from my teenage co-worker-

After minutes of working in silence...

TC: Hey... 

Me: (typing away at the computer and not looking up) What do you need?

TC: Would it freak you out if you showed up at work tomorrow only to find out that I never existed?

Me: (stopping everything and making very direct eye contact) Why would you ever say that to someone? That is terrifying.

TC: (walking away and shrugging) Can you trust your own mind?

Me: We both know that I can't! I will get you back for this...


And Then I Vlogged About My Phone Voice

That's right, Duckies - today I'm doing a Vlog. So... enjoy the awkwardness that is me on camera, because there's so much of it that it hurts sometimes... I'm not calling myself fat or anything... it was the mass amount of awkward that I was referring to... I'm sure you knew that, though.

Anyway.... Here I am in all my morning glory!


See you all on Monday with Episode 3 of Awkwardly Wonderful Dating Advice!!