And Then I Thought About Reevaluating Some of My Standards... But Don't Worry, I Won't Follow Through.

On Friday nights, my friends and I venture out to a small wine bar that we've come to know and love. The owner of this place is an all around fantastic guy, and he even has hung up Jane's tessellation lanterns around the bar, which makes him a god in our eyes. Anyway... that is the set-up for this story.

John Hamm and I were at said wine bar after seeing a movie when we got the call from Jane that all of our friends were gathering at her apartment instead. So, we finished our glasses, bought a bottle of wine from awesome owner guy and headed on over.

Now, if you remember, Jane has two dogs. One German Shephard-Malamute mix Direwolf and one Welsh Corgi.

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So, Kili is the Corgi. He's...a character? Yeah. A character. We'll go with "character" and by "character" I mean that he's really cute, but kind of a total turd at the same time. The stubby-legged guy has some mad hops, though, which is both impressive and frustrating at the same time. For example, when he jumps the gate of his play-pen and lands in your lap while your sitting in a papasan chair. You're impressed and hurt at the same time, due to claws on legs and such. It's very conflicting.

So, basically, the guy is ballsy. So, that night, we're all sitting around (I'm in the papasan) drinking wine and being awesome. At one point, I was telling a story that required me to have both hands free, so I set my glass down on the ground.

WARNING: THIS WAS A BAD DECISION.

That turd-bird was faster than lightning. He scuttled on over and immediately began lapping up my wine. The worst part? I was the last to notice. Everyone else was just like "NOOOO!" and I was all "What? Oh! NOOOOO!!"

Luckily, it all happened so fast that I only lost like... 3 sips of wine.

And yes. I finished it. You don't waste wine in my family, people. That wouldn't be classy.

Also, spellcheck keeps insisting that "turd" is not a word. My response is my google search for the definition/spelling of "turd":

Kili

So... This isn't a real post because shit got real and I can't be funny right now... Don't be worried. Everything will be fine, but my brain cannot handle telling you all how hilarious my life is lately, simply because it's been the opposite of that. So.... the answer to this problem? Corgis. Well, specifically one Corgi that Jane adopted after a friend found him wandering through Amish Country... Like ya do.

His name is Kili. Enjoy his awkward build.

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And that's all I got for you today folks. A dog with brontosaurus legs and an old man face.