Warning: There is Poo Mentioned in This Post.

Okay, so this post might get a little weird for some people, but personally, I was laughing too hard while having this conversation to not consider posting it - and then I relayed the story to Fiona and she was laughing too hard for me not to decide to post this. So this is a conversation I had the other night with my dear friend Gumby:

Gumby: I just ate almost two pounds of fruit.

Me: Ooooo yummy, but I bet you'll have to poop later.

Gumby: Sure will...just like with all food.

Me: Yeah, but fruit makes you poop more! Just like with coffee!

Gumby: Making me wonder, what would it look like if you ate nothing but corn for like a week or so? Whole kernel corn.

Me: ...that's terrifying...

Gumby: I bet we could market that as a "colon cleansing diet".


Gumby: The problem would be ensuring that the person didn't die from nutrient deficiencies, but its only a week...

Me: Yeah, and then people would try and take it to court when they get sick but we'd be all "WE SAID ONLY A WEEK, BITCHES!"

Gumby: We couldn't tell anyone what the diet was otherwise they would just go to the store and buy it for themselves. I'm picturing this being a diet in a can that is only marked with like "day 5 breakfast" and everytime they open it, they get sad and yell "Corn AGAIN??!?"

Me: Oh that'd be perfect!! We could so get away with this! It's an infallible plan.

Gumby: We could simultaneously run a study to see how long people take to question authority.

Me: Blending scamming with science! I love it! This legitimizes the whole thing.

So... Gumby and I might be too comfortable with one another... and if you see some weird Corn Diet scheme popping up... don't say anything... I'm kind of poor and I could totally use the money. Plus, John Hamm is going to be a lawyer - so she can keep us from getting sued. Pro bono because she loves me.