While I Have Your Attention, Overlords....

So earlier this morning, I was working on a new financial breakdown for the blog. It was very exciting, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'm pretty bad at marketing my own blog, compared to other people. Most of that is a time issue. I work full time and I do all of the social media for my day job, so when I get home, marketing my own stuff falls pretty far down on my list of to-dos after taking care of the dogs, attempting to cook dinner, doing laundry, and spending time with The Mr.

But now that I'm making a little bit of money via patreon, I've been thinking about making a bigger investment in this good ol' bloggy thing that I do.

I was discussing it with The Mr this morning:

Me: So I was thinking that 10% of everything I earn will continue to go toward a charity of the Awkward Ambassador's choosing and 10% would go towards advertising, like boosting posts on Facebook or whatnot, and then the rest of the money will go towards covering the other expenses like the domain fee and the web hosting fee and all that.

The Mr: That makes sense.

Overall, a pretty standard, boring, run of the mill conversation.

Until I looked down at my phone five minutes later and saw this email:

So... it's official. My new iPhone is listening to everything and Facebook is on the other end of the line, which is disturbing, but also I'm pretty sure there is nothing I can do about it, so I'm thinking that maybe I should just take advantage of this opportunity, right? I mean, why not turn a weird thing into a great thing?

So, Facebook, while you're listening...

  • If you know me so well, why are you always showing me weird pictures of myself right off the bat from like seven years ago? I don't need to see that awkward time in my life. It's a rude awakening in the morning. I don't need to be confronted with the fashion of the early 2000s.
  • Please create a no baby filter so that I can eliminate the endless stream of babies in my feed. Except my sister's  baby. He's great.
  • If you're going to show me everyone's political posts, please attach a picture or video of a cute puppy to make up for it.
  • In fact, please attach more pictures or videos of cute puppies to most things that you do. It would greatly improve the user experience.
  • If you run out of puppy pictures, pictures of otters will suffice.
  • Every time someone writes a mean comment, can you just reword to say "I love you and you look nice today?" I feel like that would solve a lot of problems. Until people find out about it... then they might start getting offended by compliments and things will get all sorts of screwy.
  • Maybe stop eavesdropping on my conversations? It's making you seem a little... desperate? No... evil? No... creepy? Yeah. Creepy.

In other fun news with social media... This Sunday is the last #SundaySupdates episode of the year and it's public for all, BUT -- we're switching things up and doing it on Instagram Live instead of YouTube! Sunday at 8pm join me on Instagram Live and watch me cook something Christmasy and answer your fun questions! If you need quick and cheap gift ideas, I'll help you with ideas! If you just want to say hi, I'll say hi back! The important thing is that you show up, because the party is so much more fun when your guests actually arrive! See you then!


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

It's not an unhealthy relationship, I swear.

So, a few weeks ago, my bestie (who has decided to go by  "John Hamm" on this blog for legal reasons) posted this on my Facebook wall with the message "Please take and report back to me":

Initially, my result was that John Hamm and I were Seth and Evan from Superbad. The following conversation happened in the comments of said Facebook posting:

JH:  Haha I got Romy and Michelle from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

Me: What?? I like your view of our relationship way better. I'm gonna take it again and go with the answers I decided against for certain questions.

Me: BOOM.

Me: At first I answered "tearfully" for our fighting solutions... then I switched to "talk it out" ...to me? Same diff.

JH: To be fair, it's usually a fine combination of both.

Me: Exactly! Anyway, we're so much more like Romy and Michelle.

JH: I've never seen that movie, but from what I can tell it's accurate haha

Me: Same here! I'm thinking that we have a movie night? Over the phone?

JH: Done. Now I just have to acquire it.

Me: HOW IS IT NOT ON NETFLIX?!?

JH: I already checked, Netflix didn't even know it was a movie according to my search.

Me: Whoa, Netflix. Whoa.

JH: It ruins my life in more way than one.

JH: And no, I am not concerned that we are having a chat in the comments like it's instant message.

Me: Are you kidding me? This is already a future blog post. Working title: "John Hamm and I Aren't Afraid to PDA."

Me: It needs work, but it's there.

JH: Everyone who reads your blog is gonna be like, "What's all this stuff about John Hamm? I liked it better when she was writing about dog poop..."

Me: Yeah, but he hasn't shit himself in a while, so you're all I've got.

You know people really get you when...

My friend, "Gwendolyn," just posted this image on my Facebook wall with no message:

Let's be real here. She could have just shared this on her own Facebook wall and then I would have seen it and laughed and been all "like!" and it could have just ended there.

But no.

She saw that image and thought "EMELIE."

Does she know something about my future that I don't?

Happy Birthday, Jane!!

Today is my good friend's birthday. Jane is quite possibly the most loving, unique, creative, and imaginative person I've ever met in my life. I met her in high school, but we didn't really become close until just about a year ago. She has sat with me while I've cried, she has made me laugh more than I thought possible, and she's one of those people that you can call at any time and say "Dude. Blanket fort. Now." and she'd respond in one of two ways:

  1. "YEEEEESSSSSSS."
  2. "GAH! I so wish I could but I'm taking my students hiking to look for imaginary creatures. Any chance you'd want to dress up as one?" (the answer was "yes.")

If you don't believe me, I can at least prove most of those things with these photos of her things, which I think you should buy from her etsy shop, because her stuff is awesome and it's her birthday.

So yeah, please go check out her stuff - and maybe buy some of it, too! There's way more than what's on here and it's all super amazing!

Happy birthday, Jane!!