Turning over a new leaf.

If you had told me a few years back that before turning 30 I would start considering whether or not to set my browser homepage to the Old Farmer’s Almanac website, I would have nodded politely and said “huh, interesting,” while thinking you were a psycho who should definitely get out of the fortune-telling business.

But… that would have ruined both of our careers, because here we are: I have a vegetable garden, and indoor grow-light system, and I obsessively check the weather every morning to determine if I need to water the plants that day or not, or if they need to be covered with a blanket that night.

But more than anything these days, you can find me combing the Old Farmer’s Almanac website for all of this information and more.

If you’re not familiar with the Old Farmer’s Almanac, allow me to enlighten you with this brief description from wikipedia:

The Old Farmer's Almanac is a reference book containing weather forecastsplanting charts, astronomical data, recipes, and articles. Topics include: gardening, sports, astronomy, and folklore. The Almanac also features sections that predict trends in fashion, food, home, technology, and living for the coming year.

Released the first Tuesday in the September that precedes the year printed on its cover, The Old Farmer's Almanac has been published continuously since 1792, making it the oldest continuously published periodical in North America.

It’s essentially the one-stop shop for everything you need to know about… everything. And I’m obsessed. I can check the weather, I can learn how to properly plant a leek, and I can read my horoscope - all in one place.

(I promise, this is not an ad. I’m just that obsessed)

Side note: I have no idea know who the original old farmer is, but I like to imagine they’re the stuff of legends… like, at some point, we all become the old farmer by following in their manure-ridden footsteps…

Obviously, I didn’t always feel this way. First of all, until recently I was absolutely awful at caring for plants. Dogs were my jam, but plants for some reason always seemed to wilt in my presence, and I didn’t really get why so many people were so obsessed with them. They just sit there, being green, and then they die, leaving you with a feeling of failure. I was always kind of baffled when people would come into the bookshop every September and obsessively request the newest copy of the Old Farmer’s Almanac, with a passion in their eyes. I’d curiously flip through it and wonder what the heck the big deal was…. and then… then I decided to start a vegetable garden and all of a sudden BAM! I, too, was one of the tribe.

So while the rest of you cruise through Facebook or Pinterest, you’ll find me reading up on how to plant according to the phases of the moon, or this actual article titled “Celery: Bland and Boring? Not so fast!

Because I think it’s time I embrace this new side of myself: I am Old Farmer. Hear me roar.

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I Really Do Want a Goat, Though.... And That Giant Chicken. I Still Want That Chicken!

So, this weekend I totally became a farmer, Duckies. And by "became a farmer" I mean that I planted some vegetables for the first time in my life, and I count that as farming, because what's the difference, really? Farmers plant things and then harvest their crops. I planted some stuff, and I'll be harvesting it later... Totally makes sense to me.

Anyway, I'm super proud of my little farm. Check it out!:


So, hopefully in a few months, I'll have some delicious veggies to munch on. Ironically, I planted them the day before I leave for Chicago for a week, but that's what loving landlords are for, right? They've graciously agreed to water the garden while I'm away, which is why they're awesome.

Other things I've discovered while gardening farming:

  • When you ask one the the chefs that you work with at a restaurant to help you start your garden, do not assume that because he deals with gross, dead animals all day that he will be totally fine with putting his hands in the compost that you've been building up for the past few months. Old banana peels and eggshells will freak him out - even though he's totally willing to hold a CALF HEART in his bare hands, cook it, and then EAT that baby animal's heart. 
  • Garden stores are really hard to find. Actually, I just have no idea where I'm going most of the time.
  • There really are plants called "Gordy the Gourd" and you will always regret not buying him.
  • Your chef friend is also afraid of bees. Have the camera ready.
  • All farming is best done with rock and roll blasting for the whole neighborhood to hear. They're taste in music needs improvement anyway, since they usually just blast "POKER FACE" all morning long to the point where all you can think about is punching yourself in the throat for two hours straight. YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU, HOUSE-RIGHT-BEHIND-ME.


In other news, I'm leaving for Chicago today, so that's all sorts of awesome! I'll be flying out there to be an awesome aunt and help take care of my niece while my sister goes back to work. So, the next time you see me, I'll be posting from the windy city!!

Have a great Monday, Duckies!!

I Want the Animals, But I'm Not Sure About the Farm...

Okay, so I have this thing where I really, really want an array of animals. Not just dogs or cats, though... I want goats, chickens, maybe a couple of sheep, too... I'm not so hot on having a cow or a horse. I wouldn't turn down either of them, but they're not at the top of my list. Goats and chickens? Yes please!

So, the logical answer to my desires is to move to a farm and start enjoying my livestock. Eh. Who needs the whole farm? Can't I just have my tiny little cottage with a big yard and some goats and chickens and dogs running around? That's totally doable, right? Throw a little lamb in there and I'm officially the cutest house in the neighborhood.

I don't need to grow crops and crap, though, do I? And I'm definitely not planning on slaughtering those adorable creatures. No, sir. They will get old and die of natural causes... or they'll kill each other.

I mean, let's look at this logically:

  • Chickens = Delicious Eggs.
  • Goats = Delicious milk and cheese, plus this hilarious stuff.
  • Lamb/Sheep = ADORABLE, plus I could use their wool for crafts! And I would only speak to them in a Scottish accent, so that's a mega win. Obviously.

So, really, my plan is full proof! And sure... I'll have a vegetable garden because that's just nice.

Okay, so maybe what this really means is that I'm going to end up with a very tiny farm... Is there a special word for that? Like a farmlet? I hope so...

Hm... Maybe I should present all of these ideas to Dragon while he's still got the sicks so that he's to hazy to say no...


Happy farming Tuesday, everyone!!