Adventures in Homesteading

If you follow me on Instagram, I think we all knew I was heading in this direction. I live in the middle of nowhere on an abundance of land. I often document my (weirdly successful) attempts to make my own skincare and home cleaning products, and last year The Mr and I (somewhat unsuccessfully) started a raised bed vegetable garden.

So…. was anyone really that shocked to see that I bought this book the other day?

Gio really missed his calling as a model.

Buy the book here. Check out her blog here.

This lovely little book called out to me at work in the bookshop the other day, and much to The Mr’s and I’m sure many others’ concern, I brought it home and immediately dove in. Because you know what? I kind of do want to be a modern homesteader. Not, like, in a poop-in-a-bucket prepper kind of way, but just in a “hey, I make or grow what I can” kind of way.

I’m definitely not going to start a big farm or anything, but I think my ultimate dream looks something like this:

Eventually I’d like to find a 1-2 acre plot of land with a small, livable house already on it for like… not a lot of money? On this plot of land I’d like to have a decent vegetable garden that grows enough to make up for a lot of our food. I thin I’d like some chickens for eggs, and maybe some goats or a cow for milk. And that’s it. The house would be an ongoing project that we would constantly be working on.

This is not a thing that will happen any time soon, however, so until then, I’m going to do what I can and try new things as I’m able to. We have a nice little raised bed garden on the property we are currently renting and I’m going to learn from last year and go for it again this year.

I want to learn to make and mend instead of throwing away and replacing.

And I’m going to fail a lot. It will undoubtedly be hilarious and you know I’m not going to hide any of it. I’ll be posting about it on instagram and here on the blog as much as I can.

BUT DON’T WORRY: This is not going to be a blog all about homesteading now! Just sometimes. Because it’s a thing I do now. And I’m not very good at it.

But that’s what makes it fun, right?

What about you? Do you consider yourself a homesteader? What tips and tricks have you learned over the years? I need all the help I can get, so please feel free to share your knowledge down below!

Do You Guys Think There Are Gardening Gangs? I Think There Are Gardening Gangs.

Happy Monday, Duckies!! So.... I have news.

I'm moving!! I'm leaving Suburbia, Ohio and heading off to "Stars Hollow" in Connecticut to fulfill my dream of becoming a Gilmore Girl! Now the only thing holding me back is that I didn't get pregnant when I was 16 and I'm not working in an inn, but still. One step closer.

But seriously.... I'm moving to the town that was the inspiration for Stars Hollow.... so that's pretty damn awesome.

Stars_Hollow_sign

 

So, I don't move until the end of October, but I'm already getting a little nostalgic... like... I wonder what the police blotters will be like in Stars Hollow. I hope they're as good as they are in Suburbia....

Shrubs Stolen

A Suburbia Lane resident said Sept. 22nd that someone removed several shrubs from their yard overnight.

I'm so thankful I'm leaving this crime-infested area, you guys. The stress and terror that Gio and I have been under from being constantly worried that there is someone around every corner just waiting with some hedge-clippers or shovels... to sabotage my yard!!!

Oh, the horror!

Bunnies Are Evil and They're Robbing Me Blind.

Okay, so I have to go off on a rant here. Some mother-effing critters, like bunnies or chipmunks or something else annoyingly adorable, are eating my vegetables, and I am PISSED.

Normally, I'm an extremely animal friendly person. I'm a vegetarian for many reasons, one of those being that I love animals too much to eat them.

I want to kill these jerks.

I'm growing my vegetable garden for a very specific purpose: TO EAT.

I'm broke as hell right now, and that garden is my source of food. I paid for those plants and now these free-loading Disney forest creatures are stealing my food. I bought these plants. I want to eat them.

So, anyway, I've been looking up all these different ways to keep these evil a-holes away from my garden, but everything is expensive, and I'm too poor to go buy any garden fencing, which I'm pretty sure these guys can jump over or chew through, and I don't want to buy spray stuff, because don't want to put chemicals all over my vegetables, because I don't want to eat chemical veggies, because that's gross and slightly terrifying.

So, everyone on the Internet is all "just pee on it!" which I seriously considered doing. Apparently it's that whole "marking your territory" idea. Don't ask me why I didn't apply the same logic I had about chemicals to pee, but for some reason I was in a "that's natural" mode.

So I texted Gumby at 9:30 in the morning.

Me: Will you come over and pee on my garden?

Gumby: That's the weirdest sexual innuendo I've ever heard... and good morning.

So that was a bust.

Also, ew.

So then someone else was all "Why would you want pee on your vegetables?" and I was all "Well, I figure you can wash it off" but then it dawned on me that the pee will soak into the soil, and that soil is what feeds my plants, and then I'm going to have food that is just laced with pee, and that's just unacceptable.

So... now I'm trying to figure out what the heck I can do, because these bunnies keep eating my cucumbers and my squash, which were supposed to be pretty integral parts of my meals this summer.

Someone mentioned that maybe using spicy stuff in my garden would help, like sprinkling cayenne pepper or tabasco sauce all over my garden would deter these jerks from coming back to my garden.

Does this work? Help. I really don't want to go spend money on cayenne pepper only to find out that bunnies freaking love cayenne pepper.

I also really don't want to become a bunny murderer.

I Really Do Want a Goat, Though.... And That Giant Chicken. I Still Want That Chicken!

So, this weekend I totally became a farmer, Duckies. And by "became a farmer" I mean that I planted some vegetables for the first time in my life, and I count that as farming, because what's the difference, really? Farmers plant things and then harvest their crops. I planted some stuff, and I'll be harvesting it later... Totally makes sense to me.

Anyway, I'm super proud of my little farm. Check it out!:

garden

So, hopefully in a few months, I'll have some delicious veggies to munch on. Ironically, I planted them the day before I leave for Chicago for a week, but that's what loving landlords are for, right? They've graciously agreed to water the garden while I'm away, which is why they're awesome.

Other things I've discovered while gardening farming:

  • When you ask one the the chefs that you work with at a restaurant to help you start your garden, do not assume that because he deals with gross, dead animals all day that he will be totally fine with putting his hands in the compost that you've been building up for the past few months. Old banana peels and eggshells will freak him out - even though he's totally willing to hold a CALF HEART in his bare hands, cook it, and then EAT that baby animal's heart. 
  • Garden stores are really hard to find. Actually, I just have no idea where I'm going most of the time.
  • There really are plants called "Gordy the Gourd" and you will always regret not buying him.
  • Your chef friend is also afraid of bees. Have the camera ready.
  • All farming is best done with rock and roll blasting for the whole neighborhood to hear. They're taste in music needs improvement anyway, since they usually just blast "POKER FACE" all morning long to the point where all you can think about is punching yourself in the throat for two hours straight. YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU, HOUSE-RIGHT-BEHIND-ME.

***

In other news, I'm leaving for Chicago today, so that's all sorts of awesome! I'll be flying out there to be an awesome aunt and help take care of my niece while my sister goes back to work. So, the next time you see me, I'll be posting from the windy city!!

Have a great Monday, Duckies!!