I’m not even allowed to think about watching Mindhunter.

Last night I took Gio out to go to the bathroom, but it was really dark and I got scared, so I only let him pee, which makes me a terrible dog owner, but in my defense I took him inside so that I could tell The Mr that he had to take Gio outside again to poop because I was pretty sure there was a murderer hiding behind the tree in our yard and I knew that if I stayed out there any longer he would sneak up on me and stab me, you know right in the base of my spinal column or something? That way I'd be paralyzed and unable to move or say anything and The Mr would never know. So I ran inside.

The Mr basically just looked at me like this when I explained everything:

via GIPHY

Which is justified.

It should be noted that what spurred all of this on was Kate McKinnon's SNL IT sketch in which she was Kellyanne Conway/Pennywise/Kellywise. This was a comedy sketch. I had nightmares.

 

via GIPHY

I mean... I also laughed. But mainly because I was terrified.


And now for some business:

  • I'll be volunteering at the Gilmore Girls Fan Fest today and on Sunday in Kent, CT! Come say hi! I'll be the one in a volunteer shirt who looks like me. The Mr will be there on Saturday. If any of you are there and you see him, take pictures and tag me. It'll be like a fun scavenger hunt!
  • The giveaway is still open (because am I really not popular enough for even 10 of you to want some free books and patreon perks? Maybe that means you'd be ahead of the trend by becoming an Awkward Ambassador so early... Think about it.)

This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

Love from a Local at the Gilmore Girls Fan Fest

Holy cow, everybody, I just lived a dream. As some of you may recall, I live in the real Stars Hollow - as in the town that is the inspiration for the setting of Gilmore Girls.

As most of you probably know, this town played host to 1500 fans of the show for the Gilmore Girls Fan Festival and OH MY GOSH IT WAS AMAZING.

By now, you can google a bunch of articles detailing the entire weekend's agenda and noteworthy moments, but now that the weekend is over and our town has gone back to normal, I want to tell you what the biggest thing was for many of us locals:

Everyone was SO. FREAKING. NICE. The weather was cold and gross and rainy (very un-Stars Hollow), but every person was smiling and appreciative. Every customer I helped was happy to be there and kept thanking me and other locals for opening up our town to them. Everyone was there to have a good time and they didn't let crummy weather or long lines get in the way of that.

1,500 people. And all of them were lovely. Every. Single. One.

So I just want to say thank you to every attendee, every volunteer, every cast member, every crew member, every festival staff member. All of you. The town cannot stop talking about much we loved having you here, and many of us genuinely missed you all on Monday morning. You lit up our town and for one weekend, things here felt like they were on a new level of magic. So, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And now... back to reality.

 

via GIPHY

A festival based on the town that is based on my town is happening in my town.

It's no secret that I'm a Gilmore Girls fan. It's also not a huge secret that I live in the town that is the inspiration for the show's setting, Stars Hollow. And now, as I'm sure you've heard, there is going to be a freaking Gilmore Girls Fan Festival in my freaking town. Where I live. MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE.

So now my little town is going to have to deal with a lot more people like me. Poor, poor town... But there's going to be so much, coffee, a knit-a-thon, CAST MEMBERS, and - oh yeah: THEY'RE BUYING OUR TOWN A GAZEBO BECAUSE IT'S THE ONE THING WE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE.

Guys. Seriously. I'm freaking out here.

FREAKING. OUT.

It's National Coffee Day! Yaaaaaay!

Happy National Coffee Day, everyone!! 

If you've been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a love for coffee that surpasses most other healthy loves, which is TOTALLY A FINE THING.

http://becomingadorrable.com/2014/04/09/11-things-we-learned-from-gilmore-girls/

Coffee makes me happy. Coffee is what makes me the delightful person that everyone in my Stars Hollow has come to know and love. Without coffee, I'd be... oh god... let's not go there.

https://www.tumblr.com/search/c:%20lorelai

Every morning, I wake up and drink about four cups of this delicious nectar before I put the rest into my TARDIS travel mug and head to work. When that's gone I head next-door to my equivalent of Luke's and get myself a refill. If I'm staying there for lunch, I usually get two. That can usually last me until the end of the day, but if I'm feeling silly, I'll get myself one more just for the heck of it. They love me over there. I refuse to actually add up my receipts every month. I don't want to know.

I know, I know, many of you are thinking that I have some sort of a "problem" or "addiction", but really I think that you're all just sad because I found the key to happiness and it smells delicious.

So, I invite you all to take a moment and really enjoy that brewed cup of holy water and remember how appropriate it is that this holiday is happening only two days before Gilmore Girls comes to Netflix for us all to enjoy. And yes, trust me, I will be brewing an entire pot of coffee while I marathon through that show on Wednesday. It's likely that I'll be live tweeting it, too, so... get ready for that.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/08/69-fabulous-lorelai-gilmore-quotes-that-show-why-shes-the-greatest/

Enjoy your coffee, everyone, because today is a glorious, glorious day.

(Images: via, via, via, via)

COPPER BOOM!

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. The best show ever/my television biography (minus the teen pregnancy) is finally coming to Netflix. You have no idea how happy this makes me.

Along with Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and books, I have an unhealthy obsession with Gilmore Girls. The fact that I actually live in the town that inspired the setting for Stars Hollow was actually a freaky accident that can only be interpreted as Destiny. Did I get pregnant at 16? No. Do I have an unusual addiction to coffee, speak quickly, make strange references to TV shows that only certain people understand and can't get my romantic life figured out for love or money? Yes.

So why am I so excited about this? Why does it matter that the show that I already watch almost every single day is coming to Netflix? Because I got rid of my TV and no longer have a DVD player. This means that even though I own the show on DVD, I cannot watch it, which means that I've been having to illegally stream it whenever I need my fix, and that is something that I absolutely hate to do because I think good television is worth paying for.

So yes, this is very exciting news because now I can get back to my moral standards of entertainment and stop feeling guilty. Plus, the rest of the world can officially enjoy the glory that is Gilmore Girls.

***

In other news, here's the latest Page Break video. Cole goes on a pretty spectacular rant about this book and there are some major spoilers, so if that's not cool with you, skip it and go watch other episodes!

Giant Wild Ninja Turkeys, Everyone. Giant. Wild. Ninja Turkeys.

Okay, so disclaimer: I do not have the reflexes of a lightning fast cheetah, so I did not capture this moment on camera. You're just going to have to trust me that it actually happened. I live on the second floor of an old farmhouse and my couch is positioned next to a window outside of which is the first floor rooftop, which is slanted and made of tin. This is important information.

So, I was just calmly sitting on my couch, crocheting while watching Gilmore Girls. You know, the usual.

Everything was great. The sun was still out, but it was a rainy afternoon, so my couch was, like, the best place to be ever. I even opened the window next to me so that I could enjoy the sound of the rain hitting the tin roof while I sipped my coffee and watched my fictional biography play out before me. To say it was perfection is kind of an understatement.

Oh rainy afternoon, how I love thee...

So I'm in my zone, right? I'm all "Le sigh... life is beautiful.... Gilmore Girls is the best and these fingerless gloves are going to be so cozy this fall!" and then

BAM. TURKEY.

Hm? What? That didn't make sense? Allow me to elaborate: I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a calm and relaxing Sunday afternoon when a WILD TURKEY LANDED ON THE ROOF RIGHT OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW.

So there we were, Reginald (that's what I named him, of course) and I, he on on my roof and me on my couch. We shared a brief glance with one another before he just flopped off the tin roof because HELLO, IT'S A SLANTED, WET TIN ROOF, REGINALD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? and then he gobbled away.

Even weirder is that for the next few minutes, I could hear him gobbling, but I couldn't see him anywhere.... which leads me to believe that I'm dealing with some fucking ninja turkeys, you guys, and that's terrifying.

Remember when I lived in Ohio and my biggest issues with nature involved bunnies eating my vegetable garden? Yeah...

Because this is my life now.

So remember how back in October I moved from Suburbia to Stars Hollow? (It's true. I accidentally moved to the town that played a part as an inspiration for my favorite show, Gilmore Girls.) To refresh your memory, I grew up on the equivalent of Wisteria Lane (with slightly less drama and murder) and then at the age of 23 decided to kiss it all goodbye and left my 3/4 acre yard in the dust and relocated here:

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That is my yard now. See that white dot at the bottom of the hill? That's where I eat, sleep, and read.

So a fun fact about this area is that we don't have cell phone service in most places. It's not really a big deal because I have wi-fi and a landline, so it's not like I'm cut off from the world or anything.

Until my phone/internet goes down out of nowhere like it did yesterday.

I figured it was some weird glitch at first, and decided to just go outside and read for a bit and then come back in to see if it had started working again later. Because, you know, technology heals itself.

When that didn't work, I went through the normal procedure first, which was to go downstairs, unplug the router, wait 30 seconds, plug it back in aaaaaaand.... nothin'.

Alright, fine. Let's unplug the router and the modem!

...

Nothin'.

So... I grabbed my cell phone, found the number for customer service, and started hiking up that hill you see pictured above. About halfway up is when you'll probably get one bar, maybe two if it's a clear day, so that is where I set up camp.

After fighting with the robot lady for a while (who kept asking me to say things that I didn't feel like saying), she finally informed me that if I didn't like her, I could say "AGENT" at any time and a real human would be along to assist me. So, I said "AGENT" in my best Liam Neeson voice, which I'm assuming instilled some amount of fear in the robot lady because she didn't even say goodbye. She just stopped in the middle of her sentence and then there was an awkward silence, eventually followed by the sound of the phone ringing. Conclusion? I intimidate robots.

CS: Thank you for calling customer service, this is Lauren, how can I help you?

Me: Hi, Lauren, my name's Emelie. My internet and phone have been down for about an hour now and I was curious as to whether or not you could help with that?

Lauren: Oh, well I am just so sorry to hear that, Emelie, can I have the main phone number on the account?

Me: Sure.

Lauren: Okay... did you try unplugging the router and plugging it back in?

Me: ... yes.

Lauren: Okay... Can you tell me which lights are blinking on the modem?

Me: Well... here's where our situation becomes interesting, Lauren. I live in The Land of Noooo Cell Phone Service, which most of the time is actually quite magical, but in this instance is a little annoying, so I'm actually standing halfway up a giant hill behind my house right now in order to be able to speak with you. I can tell you which lights I think I remember being on when I plugged the modem in half an hour ago?

Lauren: Hm... well... the thing is that from the looks of things on my end, you're online and everything is fine. Could you do me a favor and just pick up your landline and test it out for me?

Me: ... I could.... but that is also in the house, so... it would be a few minutes... because I'd have to run back to the house... but I can tell you that it wasn't working right before I walked up here.

Lauren: Yeah.... I don't think we have any other option.

So... I begrudgingly set my phone down in the middle of the grass and ran down the hill. I got into my house and picked up my phone and WHAT DO YOU KNOW IT'S FRICKIN' WORKING.

I glared at the phone for a second before I remembered Lauren, who was still waiting for me on the hillside.

So I ran back up the hill, which was great, because I'm totally in great shape and running up steep hillsides is like... all I ever want to do.

Me (breathing heavily): Lauren?

Lauren: Yup!

Me: It's...working... now...

Lauren: Yeah, I told you everything looked fine...

Me: I swear... I'm not... crazy.

Lauren: Nah, sometimes glitches happen. I'll make a note on your account in case this ever happens again. Also did you know that we offer a free service to all our ---

At that moment two GIANT TRACTORS came bumping down the hill behind me OUT OF EFFING NOWHERE.

Me: Uh... Lauren, I'm gonna have to cut you off... there are large mechanical devices coming at me now because this is where I live. Thanks so much for all your help!

So I back out of the way and let the tractors (WHO ARE THEY AND WHAT DO THEY WANT??) go past me, waving politely as if to be all "Oh, don't mind us, we're just a couple of TRACTORS hanging out in your yard." It was then that I realized that I didn't in fact intimidate the robot lady on the phone, but instead I clearly INFURIATED her and now her army was descending upon me. I'VE SEEN THE DOCUMENTARY, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, AND I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS.

I should clarify: There were men driving these tractors. The tractors were not speaking to me or waving at me because that would be insane, and as much as I totally wish I lived in a world where farm animals and equipment could talk, I don't take the drugs for that.

The second guy driving the tractor stopped suddenly and turned around.

Me: How's it going?

Tractor guy: You should watch out for poison ivy around here!

I looked down at my ballet flats and looked back up.

Me: Oh... yeah. Thanks!

Because, you know, poison ivy was my concern at this point. The two random men on tractors in my yard? Those are, apparently, totally normal.

So, I ran back down the hill, waving goodbye to the tractors as they drove away, and just as I got inside, my phone rings. Obviously.

Me: Hello?

Boss's husband: Emelie! What are you doing around 4?

Me: Um... Nothing. What do you  need?

Boss's husband: We need some help. Feel like baling some hay at our farm?

Me: Oh... sure. That seems like a skill I should acquire at this point.

Boss's husband: Great! See you in a few hours.

So...that was my Sunday. What did you do?

 

It Wasn't Daniel Day-Lewis, But It Could Have Been.

Hello Duckies!! Things have been a bit hectic this week as I continue to get settled in Stars Hollow. My life as a Gilmore Girl is off to a good start. I've found all the great coffee places and I've made many quick and under-appreciated jokes.

So, apparently this town is one of those places that random celebrities just show up to and walk around, go shopping, and eat lunch. I was told this upon my arrival, not because anyone was bragging, but because they all felt they needed to warn me. "You need to act like you have no idea who they are," They said. "They come here for some privacy." As if I would make some sort of a fool of myself or something. Me? Come on. I'm the freaking definition of tact.

Anyway, I kind of laughed and said "Oh, okay. Like I'm actually gonna run into some big time celebrity out here in the tiniest town in the world."

So yesterday, I'm standing behind the counter in the bookshop, stuffing event flyers and doing other various work-related things when my co-worker comes up to me and asks "Can you think of a book about Native American history for children?"

Me: Um... not off the top of my head.

Co-worker: Hm... okay, I'll just keep poking around.

And then I looked up and saw her walking away with this rather attractive gent (at least from behind), and I thought to myself "Huh.. that guy kind of looks like <insert major celebrity here> from behind... weird."

And then I heard him speak. "That's weird," I thought, "He kind of sounds like that guy, too..."

And then about five minutes later, I see someone out of the corner of my eye walk up to the counter and I look up and make eye contact with said person who was in fact A MAJOR FRACKING CELEBRITY. My eyes locked in on his for all of half a second that felt like forever and then I felt my eyes get HUGE before I immediately looked down and continued about my business,  hoping to seem like I didn't give a shit about who this person was, but all that was going on inside my head was some form of "OH MY GOSH, THAT IS <VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY>. I AM BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS <VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY>." over and over and over again. And then I realized that my hands were shaking. Noticeably.

Don't worry, he totally had no idea that I knew who he was. He especially didn't have any idea that when he left, I double checked his receipt and signature to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. I wasn't. And then I spent the rest of the day texting my friends and bragging about the fact that I met this famous guy that we all love, and then I couldn't stop talking about it with my co-worker, who had no idea who he was, which was infuriating, especially when she was all "Oh yeah, that guy! That happens a lot. Did you know that Daniel Day-Lewis was in here a few weeks ago?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- MY REACTION.

The point is, I was totally respectful and quiet when this  guy was standing right in front of me for a solid 10 minutes. And then he left and I creepily stalked him and shouted about it to the world. Because I'm tactful and I value people's privacy, GOSH. Had he not been with his wife, I probably would have followed him to the nearest coffee place and tried to strike up a conversation about books, thus beginning our beautiful love story, but that bitch was all "Look, honey, the kids will love this!" and I was all "BACK OFF HE'S MINE!" ...in my head. Obviously.

So then I'm telling Lemon this story and we're chatting about this whole "celebs are among us" thing:

Me: I'm about to go to the real live version of Luke's Diner from Gilmore Girls.

Lemon: IF there is a man in a backwards hat and/or plaid shirt... You must get picture. And I will yeep. Greater points if he is in fact an employee. Lesser if he is but a patron. If he manages or owns? You win Life.

Me: If he manages or owns I'm pursuing the hell out of him. Unless he's old. That's weird.

Lemon: and SUPER bonus points if <VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY> reappears while you are there.

Me: OH MY GOSH, YES.

Lemon: ... It's like I'm creating a board game out of your life...

Me: I'm okay with it. Alright, I'm gonna head out to this cafe. Hopefully they have wifi - although, if it's anything like Luke's, I doubt they will.

Lemon: *insert Luke rant about the internet here* Oh, and PS -- there are fewer points for Daniel Day-Lewis because, frankly, he could be *anybody*... He COULD BE the guy in the backwards hat and plaid shirt serving you coffee.

Me: Oh my gosh... that's so true.

Lemon: Daniel Day-Lewis could be anyone at anytime around you, Emelie. Never forget that.

 

Now I never will.

ddlewis

Connecticut is awesome and ticks are Satan's curse on the world.

Okay, so I have so much to tell you all and I've missed writing this week. To be honest, it's not that I haven't had the time. Many of my friends and family will tell you that I've been bored out of my mind and begging them to Skype me, but now that I've been here almost a week, I'm starting to kind of mentally adjust to all of this and HOLY CRAP CONNECTICUT IS AWESOME.

Also, get ready to deal with my insane ramblyness for a little while, because while I'm finally starting to settle, my brain is firing on all cylinders right now, and I've been drinking caffeinated tea and it's making me all WEEEEE!!!!!

The boring stuff first: My job is great. I'm really psyched to be working in a tiny bookshop 40 hours a week and everyone is really nice. Blah blah blah.

I'm really sorry if that sounded braggy. It wasn't meant to be. Probably.

Okay, done with the work stuff. Time to play. This next part will definitely be braggy.

Two pictures:

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So yeah. Be jealous. I don't mind.

However, there is a price to pay for this type of living... other than the fact that it gets dark here at like 6PM and I have no friends outside of the Internet...

THIS PLACE IS A FRACKING TICK FACTORY.

I'm not kidding, you guys. I pulled 31 MOTHERFRACKING TICKS OFF MY DOG YESTERDAY ALONE.

And then I created a tick graveyard in a tealight candle, because THOSE BITCHES DESERVE TO BURN. I should have let one go so he could go back and warn the others...

 

For the sanity of us all, I did not photograph said waxy graveyard, because it's disgusting and no one should have to see that. You're welcome.

And don't worry, I went to the vet this morning and got the magic juice that kills those bastards on contact and now Gio should be fine.

 

So yeah, Connecticut is awesome other than the tick thing, but so far my life as a Gilmore Girl is off to a great start! I haven't found Luke's Diner yet, but I will. Oh! I did get to meet Ann Leary, author of The Good House, and she was quite possibly the most adorable and charming woman I've ever met in my entire life. Read her books. All of them. I bought her memoir, An Innocent, a Broad, last night and it's crazy incredible. Go to your local bookshop and buy it right now. Okay, I'm done rambling.

***

And now, in totally unrelated news, I found this badassery today and I feel it is only appropriate to leave you with it, because Haters gonna hate, and then we will outsmart them:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz2jbCJXkpA

Did someone say coffee?

Okay, so I haven't abandoned you all. I know what it looks like, but it's not true!! My web designer, Jackie Chan, is helping me come redesign the blog and make it look much nicer for you all. That's right. WE'RE UPGRADING, DUCKIES.

I also took this week to kind of figure out my life as I'm getting ready to move in EXACTLY ONE WEEK.

It's true. Gio and I are moving to the middle of nowhere (aka, Stars Hollow, CT) to start a new life together as The Gilmore Girls. He'll be Rory and I'll be Lorelai, and we'll have such a grand life as the town's quirky duo, with all of our romantic mishaps, and our strong addiction to coffee. Okay, to be fair, Gio doesn't drink coffee, because the last thing that dog needs is coffee, but I drink enough for the both of us, and that's just fine, because coffee is what makes me perky and adorable all the time, SO STOP JUDGING ME, GUYS.

giocurled

Anyway... This post was supposed to be all about how I'm not abandoning you... and then it turned into a defense of coffee rant. Because logic.