Fred Flinstone Is Missing and Now My Dog is Possessed.

The other night, we received our PupJoy box, full of goodies for the dogs, and one of the toys was this GIANT rubber squeaky bone covered in cloth that kind of looked like it was stolen from Fred Flinstone's closet?

 

Yes. The fabric looked exactly like his... dress? That's a dress, right? Fred Flinstone: Man of Confidence. Wait... was Fred Flinstone poached to make my dog's toy?!?! WHAT ABOUT BAM-BAM?!?!

I can't think about this right now. THIS WAS NOT THE POINT OF THIS STORY WHEN I STARTED.

Let's focus, people.

So my dogs got this giant, rubber, squeaky toy and Aloy was in love with it right away. So she was all "IMMA SQUEAK THIS THING SO MUCH." And then she did for like 45 minutes before she got distracted and then Gio was like "I shall skin it."

 

And so he did that and then when Aloy came back she was all "WAIT, MY TOY HAS CHANGED THERE IS A NEW PART THAT I DIDN'T SEE BEFORE."

And then she proceeded to INGEST HALF OF THE RUBBER BONE WITHIN THE FLINSTONE SKIN.

Of course, The Mr and I didn't notice that she was actually EATING the rubber until half of it was gone and we were like "Well, crap. Now what?"

And basically the only answer to that is to just... wait it out.

 

So fast-forward to 4am. I woke up to what I thought was The Mr screaming. And so I said "What's wrong, why are you screaming?" and he was like "I'm not. THAT WAS ALOY."

Our dog SCREAMED LIKE A HUMAN. And not like a blood-curtling shriek. She just screamed like "AHH"

 

It was like she was possessed by some weird Rubber Ghost.

But then she puked up a bunch of rubber and everything was fine.

 

Okay, now let's get back to the important thing. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANY OF US SAW THE FLINSTONES ALIVE?


And now, for some business:

 

I'll be performing at this open mic night on Saturday Night with some really amazing people. All proceeds go to the Loaves and Fishes Soup Kitchen in New Milford, CT. If you're able to make it, please do! I'm reading one of my most awkward pieces I've ever written, and everyone else will be reading really incredible stuff, so it should be a good time for us all.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.


Last night was the October Public #SundaySupdates. "What is #SundaySupdates?" #SundaySupdates is a show on which I answer your questions while preparing supper on a Sunday. On the last Sunday of every month, #SundaySupdates is public! Yay! All other episodes will only be available to the Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. To become an Awkward Ambassador, click here: https://www.patreon.com/awkwardlyalive

Check out last night's episode here and then go sign up on Patreon to join in the fun every week! It only almost always starts and ends in disaster.

 

There is a Disney movie playing inside of my brain at all times.

The other day, Fiancé was driving me to work with our dog, Gio, in the back seat. We take Gio with us because he loves the car rides and he can't be trusted when there is butter somewhere in the house, which there almost always is. Anyway, it was one of those rare times when all three of us were just kind of sitting quietly, which for some people is fine, but for me, never lasts too long because I inevitably make myself start laughing, which is what happened right before this conversation: Fiancé: What are you giggling at?

Me: Well, we're just sitting here not talking, and I was thinking about scenes like that in movies where everyone is just kind of sitting quietly and then the camera pans from person to person and you hear what's going on inside their head, you know?

Fiancé: Yeah...

Me: So I was thinking about what it would sound like if someone did that to us right now.

Fiancé: And?

Me: Well, it would go to Gio and he'd be all "OH MY GOD, THERE'S SNOW EVERYWHERE, LOOK AT THE SNOW! OH! WHAT'S THAT? DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT THING? HEY, YOUR FACE SMELLS GOOD. WAIT, TURN LEFT HERE, WE NEVER TURN LEFT HERE, I BET THERE'S SOMETHING FUN THAT WAY!" And then it would go to your head and it would be all "Numbers and math and what's on my to-do list, blah, blah blah or whatever it is that you think about."

Fiancé: Oh god... that's what I sound like?

Me: Shush, we're getting to the best one.

Fiancé: Right. What happens when we get to your head? Wait, let me guess.... Is it just the same as Gio's?

Me: No. It would get to my head and it would just be "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE FIGHTS LIKE GASTON, NO ONE'S RIGHT LIKE GASTON, NO ONE'S NECK IS INCREDIBLY THICK LIKE GASTON'S! I USE ANTLERS IN ALL OF MY DEEEECOOORRRAAAATTTTING--"

Fiancé:  Oh wow.

Me: And that's when I started laughing. Except when you really think about it what would have happened when it got to my brain is that you would have heard me thinking about what was going on in everyone's brain and then it would have been an endless loop of what we were all thinking, which is crazy.

Fiancé: Like a thought bubble inside of a thought bubble.

Me: Exactly!

And then we returned to silence for the rest of the ride because I'm pretty sure it was too early for him to risk encouraging me. Plus, he would be spurring me on only to unleash me upon my co-workers and our customers, so really he was just doing his part to help keep the town safe. He's a good person.

In other news, I just saw Beauty and the Beast last night and I loved it so much!! Go see it and then tweet me. We'll talk.

via GIPHY

So... I'm screwed up, but in a cute way... right?

This week was a weird week and it involved a lot of panic attacks, which I won't dive into, but it also involved my friend, Sookie (not her real name, but she is the Sookie St James to my Lorelai Gilmore, so that is what she shall be called here), being lovely to me and wonderful in many ways, because last night, she felt the need to check in via text: Sookie: Mental health check.

Me: Me? I'm doing okay now. Watching Doctor Who with Mike. The dog seems back to his normal self (Did I tell you that I thought he was dying the other night?) and life feels good. You?

Sookie: I'm fine. What was wrong with Gio?

Me: I think he just had a bug. He wouldn't get off the couch or eat and I'm pretty sure he had a fever. And all the dogs that I've lost so far in my life have dropped very suddenly under similar circumstances, so I might have had a bit of a panic attack over the situation.... Thus proving that I'm not cut our for human children because I might care a little too furiously about the things I'm not biologically tied to.

Sookie: Oh that sounds awful!

Me: Yeah, it was fun. But I like to think that the level of screwed up I am is endearing.

Sookie: I completely agree. Your level of screwed up is very charming.