Flying High on Bad Ideas

So yesterday The Mr had a D&D craft night on our calendar. He had mentioned it a few weeks ago as something he wanted to attend at a game shop we frequent and I thought “Great! What fun for him!”

And then yesterday, I put on a dress I hadn’t worn in a while in the morning and The Mr was all “Cute! You look so nice! I want to take you to dinner before we go to the game shop tonight!” And while on the one hand I really like being told i’m pretty, on the other hand I was kind of confused for a few reasons:

  1. I didn’t think we were going to D&D craft night… I thought he was going to D&D craft night. I mean, I like D&D and I am crafty, but I don’t generally combine the two. I mean, one time I crocheted a beholder for The Mr, but I’ve never painted a mini or built any dungeon terrain. That’s The Mr’s department. But, I thought, maybe it’ll be fun.

  2. On our calendar, D&D night started at 6. And wanted to take me out for a nice dinner beforehand? What are we, 82?

  3. Okay, so maybe it was just those two reasons, but still, those are valid!

So because I’m me, I had a lot of questions. And he was being really vague in answering all of them.

Me: So you want me to come with you?

Him: Well… yeah!

Me: But I don’t do D&D crafting…

Him: It’ll be fun!

Me: Do I need to bring my own stuff? Because I don’t have stuff.

Him: I’m not sure.

Me: They didn’t say on the website?

Him: I just saw D&D craft night.

Me: And what about dinner?

Him: Yeah. I want to take you to dinner. You look nice.

Me: …. beforehand?

Him: Yeah!

Me: ….okay…..

Clearly I wasn’t getting any answers from him, so I decided to hop on the the game shop website and see if I could find out some details about this craft night. Would there be a teacher? Would supplies be available? Was it BYO?

Answers to all of those things: No.

Me: Babe…

Him: Yeah?

Me: Are you sure there’s a craft night tonight? There’s nothing on their calendar about it…

And then he sighed, stood up, and went into the next room, only to return and toss these at me:

If you’re not familiar with Tessa Violet, I highly recommend you fix that in your life because she is an absolute delight. I’ll admit I’m late to the party on her, but she started vlogging on YouTube back in 2007, but only recently started doing music and music videos. Now she’s on her very first headline tour and I’m weirdly proud of her. Anyway, check her out. Her music is so good, her lyrics are so genuine, and gah, I just adore her. I’ll put a video of hers down below. Anyway, back to the story…

If you’re not familiar with Tessa Violet, I highly recommend you fix that in your life because she is an absolute delight. I’ll admit I’m late to the party on her, but she started vlogging on YouTube back in 2007, but only recently started doing music and music videos. Now she’s on her very first headline tour and I’m weirdly proud of her. Anyway, check her out. Her music is so good, her lyrics are so genuine, and gah, I just adore her. I’ll put a video of hers down below. Anyway, back to the story…

Him: Why do you have to ask so many questions all the time? Happy early birthday.

He then informed me that not only did he get us tickets to go see the concert, but apparently he also bought the VIP tickets, which got us a meet and greet, photo, and private acoustic concert before the actual show.

I was freaking out on two very different levels. On the one hand it was exciting and unexpected, but on the other hand this was a gift for my upcoming 29th birthday and I was pretty sure that the average age of her fanbase was 14. Obviously, I know that shouldn’t matter. We should all love the things we love and be passionate about those things, but lately, for the first time, I’ve started to feel… old? And kind of boring? In fact, I had been planning on writing a blog post today about how dull I am and how I feel like I have nothing of interest to say anymore and that’s a really difficult thing for a humor writer to feel or embrace. And now I was about to go to a concert where I’d be surrounded by young, energetic, fun people who would look at me weird because I’m so obviously old enough to drink that it’s sad. Like… why even bother carrying my ID anymore?

Also, the dress I was wearing was completely wrong for this kind of evening.

So after trying on multiple outfits and putting on and taking off more makeup than I usually wear in a month, we were on our way to meet a famous YouTuber. I felt weird and excited and nervous, all of which kind of made me feel like an idiot, but all in the best way possible.

But when we got there and saw the line of maybe 20 people in line to meet her, it was a steady mix of 14 year olds, college students, 20-somethings, and even a few grown adults that were older than us. And when we went in and met her and got our photos taken, it was definitely weird and exciting and I was nervous and awkward. But all in the best way possible. Don’t believe me? I’ve got receipts:

And then she sang songs and answered questions (mostly from the 14 year olds who wanted to know her relationship advice and which hair dye brand she uses. They were adorable.) I felt out of place and weird, but at the same time I kept reminding myself to enjoy this moment. Here I was, at 29 years old, in the VIP section of a concert with my husband, who clearly loves me and understands that I’m still a teenager at heart.

Or maybe I’m simply a 29-year-old. And I like what I like. And what I like is poppy, sometimes angsty, fun music sung by a quirky, yellow-haired peer, who like me, has built a career off of the thought that much of her life is the product of Bad Ideas.

Thanks for an awesome night, Tessa. You rocked it.


But the big thank you goes to The Mr. For all of my bad ideas, you’ve had some of the best ones. You made me feel young and beautiful last night.


Like I said, if you’re not familiar with the delight that is Tessa Violet, here’s the music video to one of my favorite new songs of hers, although, they’re all pretty darn fantastic:

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Growing up does not have to be boring.

I am an adult, for all intents and purposes. Legally, I'm considered an adult by age alone. I can fight for our country if I want to. I can drink. I make responsible financial decisions and I'm responsible for the life of another being. People depend on me for things. But I'm also still really into having fun. Fiancé and I play videogames and board games. I read children's books and young adult books and sci-fi and all sorts of stuff like that. I buy nerdy t-shirts and think cartoons are great.

Basically, I still indulge in what some would call "childish" things. In fact, I don't just indulge in these things, but I'm openly enthusiastic about them. These are not closet hobbies. These are part of my character.

And whenever these things come up around certain people, I get these... looks. Sometimes they are looks that say, "You're such an adorable human being for your childish ways," and sometimes they say, "Okay, but seriously. When is this going to stop? When are you going to grow up already?"

And the answer to that second one is this: I already have and I constantly am.

My childlike (there is a difference, by the way, between "childish" and "childlike" and I prefer the latter) ways are things that I don't want to lose. They are the qualities that I like best about myself.

And even if you think I am just a kid in an adult's body, what is so wrong with taking a page out of their book? Kids are happy (for the most part) and they're honest. Kids are open to new ideas and they are imaginative. Kids have fun. Who ever decided that we ought to stop doing that just because a few years have passed?

So yeah, I'm growing up, but I'm still making life a fun game for myself. Cleaning the house? It's a game. I earn points. Paying taxes? My friends and I get together for a tax party and get through it as a group with fun music and alcohol (which is not for children). Voting? If we are able, We make it a group event and we celebrate afterwards.

Because life should be fun, no matter how old you are. Fun shouldn't be a special occasion, it should be a constant priority, and advancing in age shouldn't mean decreasing the amount of fun you have. In fact, it should be quite the opposite. Your job should be fun. Your friends should be fun. Your relationships should be fun.

And you know what? You're an adult. You get to decide whatever  you want to do with your life, right? So why wouldn't you choose fun?

When I Said Yes, I Learned to Say No.

Getting married is often seen as a sign of adulthood. I don't think it's a universal rule, but I don't think that it can be argued that marriage is a thing for children. So, when I got engaged I expected to learn a lot of things, but learning to say no wasn't one of them. I've never been good at saying no to people. I am at my very core a people-pleaser. If someone is sad, I want to cheer them up. If someone is angry, I want to fix it. If I am the cause of any negative feelings, I have a tendency to spiral into a deep hole of self-loathing. After all, my whole internet (and "real world") presence is all about how you are awesome and I am foolish and while we are all a little foolish, we need to learn to embrace it and learn to love ourselves. Together.

So for me to say no to people is... rare. And painful.

But now I have a lot of people and businesses offering to do things for me. And I have a lot of people telling Fiancé and I what our wedding should and should not be like and how things are done and why we shouldn't do them differently.

And I've had to say no. For the sake of saving our sanity and having the wedding that we want.

"No, we do not want passed hors d'oeuvres." (but yes, I will always google how to spell that word)

"No, our wedding party will not be a traditional one."

"No, we will not be doing <insert traditional, but gross ceremonial thing here> because it doesn't jive with who we are."

"I understand that you're nice and just trying to run a business, but no, I will not be paying that much for flowers."

These are all things that used to terrify me. I'm the girl who goes to a flea market and bargains to pay more for something. If I'm being taken advantage of, that's bad karma for them, right?


And I always used to think that I could avoid saying no by disguising it with a yes, but that doesn't work here. Sometimes, especially when planning a wedding, you have to say "No."

And the other tricky part? Not apologizing for it.

The guilt I feel over turning people down is staggering, but I'm also learning that it's a little egocentric. Obviously, I will always take other's feelings into account (or I'll try to), but it turns out that everyone's success doesn't rely on me. It turns out that saying no to some people is actually helpful in weird ways. It feels terrible to say it, and I will be far from bitchy about it (or, again, I'll try), but I don't need to beg for their forgiveness over it.

And all of this is because I'm learning something bigger: Our dreams and what we want is worth fighting for.

Fiancé and I have built what we feel is a beautiful dream for our wedding day. We reserve the right to stick to those plans even if they make others confused or ask questions. If we find vendors who won't do what we want, we've learned that there are vendors and people who will, and saying no to one means saying yes to another. We can't hire everyone and we can't make everyone happy, but what we can do is celebrate our love the way that we want to with the people that we want to and hope that everyone has a blast in the process.

So, I'm here to tell you that it's okay to say no to people when it comes to standing up for what you want and who you are. Be kind about it and be gentle (we are, after all, all human beings), but if you are also a person who hates saying no, give it a shot. Pick your moments, of course (so maybe don't start with your boss), but find someone, who you are constantly just saying yes to in order to avoid confrontation (roommate? sibling? friend?) and say "You know what, that's not what I want. Can we do something different?"

Chances are, they might say yes.