Fred Flinstone Is Missing and Now My Dog is Possessed.

The other night, we received our PupJoy box, full of goodies for the dogs, and one of the toys was this GIANT rubber squeaky bone covered in cloth that kind of looked like it was stolen from Fred Flinstone's closet?

 

Yes. The fabric looked exactly like his... dress? That's a dress, right? Fred Flinstone: Man of Confidence. Wait... was Fred Flinstone poached to make my dog's toy?!?! WHAT ABOUT BAM-BAM?!?!

I can't think about this right now. THIS WAS NOT THE POINT OF THIS STORY WHEN I STARTED.

Let's focus, people.

So my dogs got this giant, rubber, squeaky toy and Aloy was in love with it right away. So she was all "IMMA SQUEAK THIS THING SO MUCH." And then she did for like 45 minutes before she got distracted and then Gio was like "I shall skin it."

 

And so he did that and then when Aloy came back she was all "WAIT, MY TOY HAS CHANGED THERE IS A NEW PART THAT I DIDN'T SEE BEFORE."

And then she proceeded to INGEST HALF OF THE RUBBER BONE WITHIN THE FLINSTONE SKIN.

Of course, The Mr and I didn't notice that she was actually EATING the rubber until half of it was gone and we were like "Well, crap. Now what?"

And basically the only answer to that is to just... wait it out.

 

So fast-forward to 4am. I woke up to what I thought was The Mr screaming. And so I said "What's wrong, why are you screaming?" and he was like "I'm not. THAT WAS ALOY."

Our dog SCREAMED LIKE A HUMAN. And not like a blood-curtling shriek. She just screamed like "AHH"

 

It was like she was possessed by some weird Rubber Ghost.

But then she puked up a bunch of rubber and everything was fine.

 

Okay, now let's get back to the important thing. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANY OF US SAW THE FLINSTONES ALIVE?


And now, for some business:

 

I'll be performing at this open mic night on Saturday Night with some really amazing people. All proceeds go to the Loaves and Fishes Soup Kitchen in New Milford, CT. If you're able to make it, please do! I'm reading one of my most awkward pieces I've ever written, and everyone else will be reading really incredible stuff, so it should be a good time for us all.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.


Last night was the October Public #SundaySupdates. "What is #SundaySupdates?" #SundaySupdates is a show on which I answer your questions while preparing supper on a Sunday. On the last Sunday of every month, #SundaySupdates is public! Yay! All other episodes will only be available to the Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. To become an Awkward Ambassador, click here: https://www.patreon.com/awkwardlyalive

Check out last night's episode here and then go sign up on Patreon to join in the fun every week! It only almost always starts and ends in disaster.

 

Dear Diary: Greg's Hat: THE HAUNTENING!!!

That's right, people. It's Dear Diary: Greg - THE HALLOWEEN EDITION!!!! Come on, you had to have known this was coming - and if you didn't, then you are sooooo welcome, because this is the best Halloween present anyone could get.

Happy Halloween, everyone!!

...

Dear Diary: What do you think Greg will dress up as for Halloween?

Dear Diary: If he wears a fur coat, could he be Big Foot? Do you think we could scare woodmen?!

Dear Diary: Would he trick-or-treat?

Dear Diary: I'm on the fence about candy corn. What do you think Greg would say? I feel his opinion is vital.

Dear Diary: What if Greg and his marmoset get matching costumes! That'd be so adorable, Diary!

Dear Diary: Do you think with the right yellow accessorizing Greg could be Big Bird for Halloween? It'd be hilarious and topical!

Dear Diary: I think Greg should dress up as Captain Hook. He'd cutup and cook the crocodile, I bet.

Dear Diary: I think Greg should go as Treebeard and his marmoset could be a Hobbit!

Dear Diary: I can think of a list of video game characters, but I don't think Greg would appreciate them...

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg sends the marmoset to get candy?

Dear Diary: Can Greg train the marmoset to say "trick-or-treat?"

Dear Diary: I wish we could throw a Halloween party just to see Greg in costume...

Dear Diary: What do you think Greg's favorite candy is?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg will carve a pumpkin this year?

Dear Diary: Should I carve a pumpkin to look like Greg? I'd give it a hat just like his!

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg would carve a different gourde just to be all cheffy? No... Greg would never be that pretentious... Would he?

Dear Diary: How can I dress up as the thing that scares me the most for Halloween when that's the thought of never seeing Greg again? Dilemma, Diary!!

Dear Diary: Maybe all three of us can sit on each other's shoulders to dress up as Greg!! One of us could even be the marmoset!!

Dear Diary: I think Greg should be a warlock.

Dear Diary: Greg isn't a warlock?

Dear Diary: What if Greg dressed up as the marmoset and the marmoset dressed up as Greg? What an adorable switcheroo, Diary!!

Dear Diary: What if they dress up as us, Diary??

Dear Diary: What if Greg was Captain Nemo and the marmoset was the giant squid? ...Or should it be the opposite?

Dear Diary: ...That might be the happiest AND creepiest day of my life.

Dear Diary: What do you think Greg's favorite Halloween movie is? I bet it's Hocus Pocus!

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg will do ghost hunting this Halloween?

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg has a real cauldron?

Dear Diary: Do you think ghosts hunt Greg?

Dear Diary: Are ghosts jealous of the living because we still get to hang out with Greg?

Dear Diary: Do you think the marmoset helps protect Greg from the ghosts?

Dear Diary: ...do you think Greg is a ghost? Is that why he won't let us take pictures of him?

Dear Diary: ...you don't think Greg is really dead, do you? Is that the reason for the suffering of humanity and the emptiness of existence? No Greg?

Dear Diary: It's all making sense now... My world is crashing down around me, Diary!!

Dear Diary: It couldn't be! His hat shines a light to all mankind, just not everyone has seen it yet!

Dear Diary: This is all getting very scary!!!!!

Dear Diary: We need to do some serious tests here. That's right: we need to call the Ghost Busters.

Dear Diary: Do you think Greg could pull of a one man interpretation of Sleepy Hollow? I'd buy a ticket.

Dear Diary: I wonder if Greg can sing?