Dear Life, I Will Stay Positive, So Just Stop Trying to Piss Me Off. You're Wasting Your Time.

So, the other day, I posted this on Facebook: Screen Shot 2014-02-27 at 4.21.43 PM

Day 1: I'm driving home and it's been a warm day, so I'm not thinking about ice. I go around a bend in the road and  suddenly my car is like "Yay!!! Let's go in circles!! Weeeeeee!!!!!!" and then the snow bank on the side of the road was like "STOP!"

I get myself straightened out and think "Okay, let's just get home, because we're right down the road. We'll check the car there."

I do just that and I'm amazed, but barely a scratch on the girl, so I sighed a sigh of relief and went inside to go to bed.

Apparently I should have been thinking about ice.

Day 2: My Jeep, Ramona, is all gruffy when I start her up. I'm all "Ramona, were you smoking last night?" and she's all "I'M SIIIIICK"

So, I call the mechanic as soon as I get home and make an appointment for my day off that week to bring the Jeep in to fix what I assume was my muffler.

I was wrong.

Day 3: I'm on my way to work and I start going up a hill. Ramona is wheezing like an asthmatic chain smoker and I'm reciting "The Little Engine That Could" to her in hopes that she'll pull through. That's when I slowed down and heard a "rrrrrrr-d-d--d-d----d--d--dderr....."

And then nothing. The car locked up. I couldn't even put it into neutral... so that's awesome.

The lucky thing (yes, there are lucky things in this situation) is that I broke down right outside of the church that I attend, so... I abandoned my vehicle in the middle of the road and ran inside to use the phone because I live in an area with no cell phone service (yaaaay...). First I called work and then I called the auto shop and then I ran back outside to hang out with my car again. As I was sitting on the hood and waiting for the tow truck, a cop shows up.

My mind: Oh please... let's just add a ticket to this...

Cop: Is this your car?

Me: Yeah...

Cop: Did you break down?

Me: No, I just thought the view was pretty here... Yeah, it just puttered out and stopped. It's totally locked up.

Cop: That sucks.

Me: Yeah...

So he hung out with me and made small talk until the tow truck showed up, which was nice, given the circumstances, and it kept me from having the stress induced break-down that I knew was on its way.

So the tow truck guy was nice and gave me a ride to work (because this girl shows up in style) and he was all "We'll call you at the store when we know what's up." and I was like "That is the kiss of death...."

So, all morning passes, and I hear nothing.

I go to lunch.

I come back and still nothing.

I call them.

Mechanic: Hello?

Me: Hi, it's Emelie at the book shop. You came and rescued me this morning in my Jeep Wrangler.

Mechanic: Yeah, the red one?

Me: Yeah.

Mechanic: Yeah... it doesn't sound good.

Me: I know, but you say that as if it's making sound, so that's good, right?

Mechanic: ...It needs a new engine.

Me: ...I'm sorry, what?

Mechanic: You heard right.

Me: Yaaaay.....

So then I got home that night and as I'm pulling in the driveway in my borrowed car I realize that my house keys are attached to my car keys, which are at the auto shop.... And that's how I found out that I can pick locks with bobby pins.

So, all in all, it was a pretty okay day. Right?

Okay, maybe not. It might sound like my life is crappy right now, BUT there are pros... and cons:

  • Pro: The mechanic said that it was clearly not a maintenance issue and that it was just a crappy situation. So, I was doing everything right.


  • Pro: No one was hurt.
  • Con: Except for Ramona (my car, for those of you who weren't paying attention). She's pretty hurt.


  • Pro: My pastor is awesome and happens to have a car to spare right now, so I'm not without transportation.
  • Con: Now I'm a nervous wreck while driving someone else's car.


  • Pro: I'm an optimist, so I always try and see the good side of things.
  • Con: Because I'm an optimist, life finds a way of trying to challenge me in that area.
  • Pro: I'm totally winning, so suck it, Life.





In other news, there's a new book review for Page Break, check it out here.


The Infallible Logic of Snow Day Magic

Today is proof that even after college, sleeping in your pajamas inside out works every time. Why? BECAUSE I GOT A SNOW DAY, BITCHES!

snowdayNow, there are some negative sides to this. For example, I live alone on 100 acres of land, which, while awesome, also means that there is no one around to come and play with me. No one to sled with, or build snowmen battle scenes with, or forts or any of that. Also, I don't own snow shoes, so taking Gio for walks is...difficult.

BUT this also means that I get to stay in my inside out pajamas for the whole day and read books and all that without any interruption and that's pretty damn cool.

I'm not normally a superstitious person, but let's be real here, duckies, this inside out pajama thing is FOOLPROOF. "Gumby" and I were talking about it last night.

Me: We're supposed to get a bunch of snow tonight.

Gumby: Yeah, we were, too, but now it's not looking like it's going to be that bad.

Me: Whatever, I'm totally wearing my PJ's inside out tonight.

Gumby: Oh, totally. No question. I also heard you should flush an ice cube down the toilet.

Me: What? That's ridiculous. That's like saying "Hey, cold stuff, screw you!" and I don't want to say that. I want to say "Hey, cold stuff, hang out for a bit!" Hence, the inside out pajamas. Duh.

Gumby: I think it's supposed to be like you're adding cold stuff to the world or something.

Me: That's stupid.

Gumby: Yeah. The pajama thing is legit, though. Oh! I've also heard you should stick a white crayon in the freezer.

Me: Where do people even come up with this crap? INSIDE OUT PAJAMAS IS THE ONLY WAY.

Gumby: Amateurs.