Strep is the best, right?

If you've been following my instagram story then you already know that I'm stuck in bed because I have strep throat. It's a bit of a bummer, but I also get to catch up on lots of books and tv shows that I haven't had time to read, so silver linings. BUT

Today is Friday and after a blogging break for Christmas, I was really looking forward to writing something funny for you all today.

So here I am.

Hopped up on meds with a mouthful of saltines.

I had planned to a whole "reflect on 2017" thing, but all my brain can handle right now is "I'm dying," so I thought I would share my top tips for being sick because after 24 hours, I feel like a pro:

  1. Marry a person who makes good soup.
  2. Acquire two huskies. They are necessary for the snuggles and I've learned that they never leave your side when you're not feeling well. They'll either lay on the bed together, both touching you, or they'll work in shifts.
  3. You're going to be told to drink a lot of fluids, which will then lead to you needing to pee a lot. This will be frustrating due to the fact that you're weak and in pain everywhere. I recommend building a bathroom right next to your bed.
  4. You will have a dream that you've wet the bed and then you'll wake up and everything will feel wet and you'll be all "OH MY GOD I WET THE BED." Don't panic. It's just your fever breaking again, which has caused you to sweat a ridiculous and slightly alarming amount.
  5. Speaking of the sweat thing... wear clothes that are easy to take on and off. Now is not the time for leggings that cling to your body every time you try and remove them. Now is the time for your husband's giant, grey sweatpants and that one giant, grey sweatshirt. Embrace the look of an elephant and run with it. Metaphorically. Running right now (and always) is a very bad idea.
  6. Watch and read things that make you happy. My personal favorites this time around are Planet Earth and Parks & Rec for shows and Harry Potter for books.
  7. Depending on the timing, you might be missing out on celebrating Christmas a week late with your husband's family. This is the first Christmas since your wedding, making it the first Christmas since you started using their last name and you're missing it. Take this time to be thankful for FaceTime, but it's also okay to cry a little.
  8. Netflix is going to judge you a lot and will ask you multiple times if "you're still watching." Take this opportunity to start drafting a letter to the powers that be about "sick mode."
  9. Your ability to finish sentences will
  10. Zzzzzzzz......

And that's about it. What about you? How do you like to spend your time when you're sick?


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Seven things I'm thankful for (and NONE OF THEM ARE BRENDA)

I live in America and this Thursday we're celebrating Thanksgiving. While I'm definitely not a huge fan of the history of this holiday, I am a fan of food and the general idea that we should set aside some time to acknowledge the things we are grateful for. So, I decided to make a list. Because I'M RELEVANT.

    1. Books. Where would I be without books?! seriously. I read them. I make a living talking about them. I write them. If books were to suddenly stop existing, my life as I know it would literally be over. I love books so much that my house might as well be built out of them. I came home today and The Mr was all "Is that more books in your hands?" when he saw the armful I was carrying. I just smiled and didn't mention the fact that I had twice that in my backpack. (Shhh... he'll never know!) And what's not to love? They're nice to hold, they teach me things, they're basically time machines to other dimensions (TAKE THAT, SCIENCE) and they make great kindling when necessary! JUST KIDDING DON'T WORRY I WOULD NEVER BURN A BOOK, GOSH. (Okay, maybe we shouldn't be so extreme to go so far as to say never. I mean, if a man was holding my family hostage and told me that they were all going to die unless I set a book on fire, I'd probably do it. Unless he was just threatening my sister, Brenda*. She's the worst.)
    2. Comedy. Thank God for it, am I right? I feel like we could always use a laugh, but these days it feels way more than necessary. The world seems to be on fire everywhere we turn, but comedians are making me laugh in spite of and sometimes about it all.
    3. Macaroni and Cheese. Do I really need to explain myself here?
    4. Tacos. See #3.
    5. Dogs. Specifically mine. They are the best, even when they're vomiting in the middle of the night and shedding everywhere. I love them. They make me feel less like a weirdo because when I talk to them they look at me and say "Cool. HEY LOOK AT THIS BONE I FOUND IN MY TOY BASKET." Their support is unwavering.
    6. Grammarly. I write a lot and I often make mistakes - even when I know the proper use of "there," "their," and they're. For example, when writing #5, I definitely typed "they're support is unwavering" BECAUSE I AM A FLAWED HUMAN, but Grammarly was all "Hey girl, you did a dumb thing, but don't worry. I got you."
    7. You. Awwww. I know. So cute. But really, you are amazing. And I love you. The fact that you are just sitting around reading the weird stuff that comes out of my brain makes me love you. Many virtual hugs from me to you, dear reader, because every time I get a like or a comment from you I remember that I am not alone and that someone out there enjoys my thoughts and that is a really nice, warm, and fuzzy feeling. Like a peach. You are peachy. And thank you for being you :)

So what about you? What are you thankful for right now? Tell me in the comments below.

*Fun fact! I don't actually have a sister named Brenda. BECAUSE SHE IS DEAD TO ME.


Side note: Thank you all for your crazy awesome tips about how to shop more ethically and be a better person in the world on my last post! I AM FALLING SO FAR DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.