John Hamm and Lemon Tell Tall Tales of Strange Men Part 1

Hey, Duckies!! Sorry for not posting yesterday. I'm currently in NYC for Book Expo and I wasn't able to get to a computer all day, and my phone wouldn't let me post either. I know, it was tragic for me, too. But don't fret, Duckies! I've got you covered! Or rather, John Hamm and Lemon do! They've graciously offered to cover my blogging butt while I'm out of town and do a 2-part guest posting for me. This is a true story about what happened to them just a couple of weeks ago. I'm sure you'll love it just as much as I did when I first heard it.

So without further ado...

John Hamm: Greetings, Internet Ducklings. John Hamm here, writing a guest post while Emelie’s fingernails dry.

Lemon:  Lemon here too, making my debut on this blog. I’ll be your plucky co-pilot throughout this post, as I was directly involved in the soon-to-be-recounted bizarro tale.

JH:  Believe it or not, as we write this, we are sitting down the bar from a middle-aged, married businessman who mildly stalked Lemon and me the other night.

L:  This is true. And as good a lead-in as we will get...

JH:  The other night, Lemon came out to the fancy restaurant where we work to keep me company on a slow night.

L:  Also to drink wine in the process.

JH:  I finished up my shift and joined her at the bar which was empty except for the two of us and two businessmen.

L:  Two, shall we say... gregarious businessmen...

JH:  ... Hereafter referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2. Naturally, since our only intention was to talk amongst ourselves, Things 1 and 2  immediately began to talking to us.

L:  And by “talking to,” we mean “hitting on.”

JH:  And by “hitting on,” we mean “tried to buy us a bottle of champagne.”

L:  Thing 1 specifically mentioned Cristal.

JH:  And the only Cristal we sell is a $325 bottle.

L:  So to us, “Strings Attached” Cristal.

JH:  Hoping to avoid any further progression, the next move was for Lemon to quietly excuse herself and completely un-ironically seek out our co-worker, "Clark Kent", to save us.

L: Oh god! That is exactly what we did, isn’t it? **takes a minute to laugh** Anyways, what follows is a rough replay of my conversation with Clark Kent:

Me -  So there are those two guys at the bar and --

Clark Kent -  Want us to get you out of that?

Me -  Yes. They are trying to buy us a bottle of champagne.

Clark Kent -  I can get you out of that. Give me a cigarette and I’ll come over and get you out of that.

Me -  Deal! Thanks!

JH:  Meanwhile, I sat at the bar trying to avoid eye-contact as Thing 1 and Thing 2 tried to stare at me, and yet simultaneously hit on our bartender

L:  Thankfully, by the time I returned to the bar, two regulars had descended, distracting Things 1 and 2 enough for John Hamm and I to mount an escape.

JH:  And so we fled to our local franchise Irish pub. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until Friday to read how things got weirder from there.

L:  It’s like a 30s adventure serial, but in a pub. So tune in next week --

JH: Friday.

L: Tune in Friday to hear how things only got weirder for our intrepid damsels!

JH: Seriously, guys, we can’t make this crap