Strep is the best, right?

If you've been following my instagram story then you already know that I'm stuck in bed because I have strep throat. It's a bit of a bummer, but I also get to catch up on lots of books and tv shows that I haven't had time to read, so silver linings. BUT

Today is Friday and after a blogging break for Christmas, I was really looking forward to writing something funny for you all today.

So here I am.

Hopped up on meds with a mouthful of saltines.

I had planned to a whole "reflect on 2017" thing, but all my brain can handle right now is "I'm dying," so I thought I would share my top tips for being sick because after 24 hours, I feel like a pro:

  1. Marry a person who makes good soup.
  2. Acquire two huskies. They are necessary for the snuggles and I've learned that they never leave your side when you're not feeling well. They'll either lay on the bed together, both touching you, or they'll work in shifts.
  3. You're going to be told to drink a lot of fluids, which will then lead to you needing to pee a lot. This will be frustrating due to the fact that you're weak and in pain everywhere. I recommend building a bathroom right next to your bed.
  4. You will have a dream that you've wet the bed and then you'll wake up and everything will feel wet and you'll be all "OH MY GOD I WET THE BED." Don't panic. It's just your fever breaking again, which has caused you to sweat a ridiculous and slightly alarming amount.
  5. Speaking of the sweat thing... wear clothes that are easy to take on and off. Now is not the time for leggings that cling to your body every time you try and remove them. Now is the time for your husband's giant, grey sweatpants and that one giant, grey sweatshirt. Embrace the look of an elephant and run with it. Metaphorically. Running right now (and always) is a very bad idea.
  6. Watch and read things that make you happy. My personal favorites this time around are Planet Earth and Parks & Rec for shows and Harry Potter for books.
  7. Depending on the timing, you might be missing out on celebrating Christmas a week late with your husband's family. This is the first Christmas since your wedding, making it the first Christmas since you started using their last name and you're missing it. Take this time to be thankful for FaceTime, but it's also okay to cry a little.
  8. Netflix is going to judge you a lot and will ask you multiple times if "you're still watching." Take this opportunity to start drafting a letter to the powers that be about "sick mode."
  9. Your ability to finish sentences will
  10. Zzzzzzzz......

And that's about it. What about you? How do you like to spend your time when you're sick?

This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

Being sick sucks. 

As a kid, it was weirdly exciting to be sick. You got to stay home and watch tv all day and it never mattered that you didn't feel good. As a grown-up, it's the worst. I still got to stay home and watch tv, but nowadays, I only stay home when I really feel awful. I've had a migraine, I've been dizzy and nauseous all day, and as much as I love The Golden Girls, I'm burning out here. There are two good things, of course: I have a really nice husband who is currently making me soup, and a dog who won't leave my side. Seriously, Gio won't leave - and he gets mad when Aloy, our other dog, comes near me. It's kind of endearing.

The good news is that for the first time all day, I can write without getting dizzy or nauseous. The bummer news is that I don't really have a ton to say since I've been bed-ridden and loopy all day. Apparently, I had a fever dream that my dog jumped out the window (he survived) and that I went back to high school and got lost on my way there. I'm pretty sure those were two separate dreams, but both equally disturbing.

Either way, here is a cute picture of Aloy trying to choose between her favorite toy and a chocolate chip cookie. Don't worry, she picked the toy.

My brain is mush... or a delirious rant about being sick.

I've been sick all week, which has been only sort of fun, and by that I mean absolutely no fun at all. I mean, I had coffee for the first time all week yesterday. Yesterday was Thursday. I WENT FOUR DAYS WITHOUT COFFEE AND HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?

I may never know the answer to that question.

At one point, I was sick on the couch with a sore throat, and coughing and whatnot, Fiancé was also coughing, but not as badly as me, and then Gio just started puking. How? Why? What even?

But now we're all on the mend and everything is just fine and I'm drinking coffee again and we can all STOP PANICKING.

Okay, it's possible that I'm still hopped up on cold medicine. I don't know.

Also, it's summer now. Should colds even still be happening? Isn't it called a cold because you get it when it's really cold outside? It was 95 degrees outside yesterday and all of a sudden I have the cold of all colds. This is unreasonable.

Anyway, here is a list of things that I did/watched while sick and my thoughts on those things:

  • Outlander - Ooo lala, the Scottish steaminess is nice. Fiancé and I started watching this because we're going to Scotland on our honeymoon and we were like "this will get us excited!" and now we're obsessed. Plus, there's nothing like being at your least attractive level of attractiveness and watching something incredibly romantic. Yeeeeaaaaah buddy.
  • Family Tree - I adore Chris O'Dowd. Everything he does is just oddly delightful. I highly recommend. Plus, there's a grown woman who talks through a monkey puppet and Fiancé pointed out that I do the exact same thing with our dog, so... self-esteem points have definitely been gained.
  •  Must Love Dogs - oh my gosh, this movie has almost nothing to do with loving dogs. NEITHER ONE OF THESE PEOPLE EVEN OWNS A DOG, THEY JUST BORROW SOMEONE ELSE'S DOG. THAT'S IT. It should just be called Must Love Someone Else's Dog.
  • Critical Role - Because obviously. Fiancé and I have been watching a lot of Twitch Streams lately and I think I'm finally starting to understand why sports fans watch sports things. Oh! Fiancé and I have also been toying with starting a Twitch channel where we play games together. Interested? Tell me in the comments below!

And that's all I can remember right now.... what do you like to watch when you're sick? Why do you think colds strike in the heat? How long has it been since you've had coffee?

Have a great day, friends!

This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks from me, please click here

Thanks a lot, weird genetics.

I'm twenty-five, but if you were to just look at the state of my  hips and back, you'd think I was decades older. I have a lot of strange issues with my skeleton, most of which are caused by the fact that I have a very acute form of spina bifida. Don't worry, it's so mild that it isn't life-threatening or anything, but it does come with its own issues. Essentially, I have an extra vertebrae in my spine, and my tailbone never really... happened. I guess when I was still in my mom's womb, my tailbone was all "NO! I'M NOT READY! I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE THE REST OF THE SPINE!" and then the rest of my spine was like "Dude, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, this girl is going to be born with a tail. IS THAT WHAT WE WANT, REGGIE?" The end result? A sort of half-formed tail bone... thing. It's not noticeable in any way, unless you're looking at my x-rays, but it's a thing that sometimes causes problems.

For example, I woke up the other day and my hip felt like someone just popped it out of the socket and now it's refusing to go back in. And, because I know that whole song about all the bones being connected, there is shooting pain and discomfort up and down the whole left side of my body... which results in people staring at me when I think I'm alone as I try and bend my body into all sorts of weird positions to hopefully put my hip back in its rightful place. And this is a small town. People talk. So now I'm that girl.

And my hip decided to do this at a really not awesome time, you guys. As many of you know, I work in a bookshop, and yesterday was Independent Bookstore Day. Indie bookshops across the country, including this one, were celebrating with tons of festivities. I planned many of our festivities, and one of those festivities was a Rad American Women Dance Party. This was because one of the exclusive merchandise items was a 7-inch LP inspired by the book, Rad American Women A-Z, which is an awesome book, and I suggest you rush to your local indie bookshop and buy it right now.

So yeah. I was doing my best on this very busy shopping day to not show how much pain I was in, all the while knowing that the grand finale would be a dance party, and that I was to be pioneering this dance party, so I was really going to have to shake it.

Oh, and did I mention that I had no pain meds with me?

Let's just soak this all in.

  1. Spina bifida.
  2. Rebellious hip bone.
  3. Terrible back pain.
  4. No meds.

I was about to panic for a moment, so I went into the back room to take a deep breath and to try and stretch my back and then I took to twitter:

And all I really got in response was some nonsense about wildebeests that I'm still trying to make sense of... so twitter kind of failed me on that one. I think. I'm still not sure.

And then the time came, and - I kid you not, folks - no one showed up for this dance party. There were a few stragglers in the store, yes, but they were all very disturbed when I told them what was about to happen.

But you know what? I blasted Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and danced anyway. Because life is short.

Plus I was also hoping that if I danced, maybe I would move a certain way to pop my hip back into place.

This is sort of just a weird update and reminder of the fact that my mom is an inspiration to us all.

I've been sort of sick this past week, which has put a real damper on my ability to do productive things. Whenever I get sick I become the most helpless person in the entire universe. I know so many people who react to being sick by just powering through it and doing amazing things and looking their disease in the face and being like "SCREW YOU, DISEASE. NOTHING HOLDS ME BACK."

I am not that person.

Yes, I still go to work or whatever, but it takes all of my mental energy, and as soon as I'm home, I'm in my bed or on my couch. My pants become sweats in the blink of an eye. My hair piles chaotically atop my head. My makeup smears. And I assume the attitude of a small, pathetic child instead of a freakishly tall, grown-ass adult woman.

I get super needy. I just want to lay around and have someone bring me tea and soup all day. Unfortunately my dog, Gio, pours a terrible cup of tea and spatters the soup everywhere when he cooks. It's the worst.

I should admit something here: I'm not even really officially sick. I have a weird chest-cold type thing that results in my energy level being not-at-all altered and causing my voice to sound like a that of the love child of a sexy jazz singer, Emma Stone, and Marcel the Shell with Shoes On.

And then once every hour, I need to cough.

My nose also runs on occasion.

That is all it takes to turn me into a whiny child, constantly texting my boyfriend or my mother with messages that simply read "I'm dying. :("

The boyfriend usually responds with things like "That is not allowed." or "Please don't," which is nice.

My mother usually just says things like "It happens to us all eventually."

Which, I suppose, is fair.

This Superpower is USELESS.

So a really great thing happened to me today. I woke up and was all "Today is gonna be great!"

I made myself a full pot of coffee (duh) and some eggs and toast. I was all "Look at me go! Productivity! Real food!" I was totally ready for a day of writing blog posts and editing youtube videos for Page Break. This was going to be a great day.

The plan basically went like this:

  1. Wake up whenever your body decides to because today is your day off and you don't need alarms!
  2. Take Gio outside to pee and play.
  3. Make coffee and a real breakfast! Yeah!
  4. Have a skype date.
  5. Start laundry.
  6. Write a blog post.
  7. Edit Page Break video and post it to YouTube.
  8. Read so many books or finish season 2 of Orange is the New Black, depending on your mood.
  9. Go to a party for writers at the library! Wooo!!!

Talk about a great day, am I right?

I was doing so well, you guys. Everything was going according to plan. Until right after the skype date.

First it started with a slight headache, which then turned into a major migraine, and this baby did not show up alone. It brought along its friends, Nausea and Dizziness, to come and play!

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for a party, but this was not on my list. I like to stick to my lists.

To make matters worse, Fever decided to show up about an hour later. I guess his friends texted him and were all "Emelie's head is so much fun! Come play!!" and he was all "No way! I love that place! I'll be there as soon as I'm done with this game of tag at a child's birthday party!" (Side note: Fever sounds like a real friggin' creeper, doesn't he?)

Why did this happen, you ask? Well, it's pretty simple really: I have this issue with my spine: I was born with 1.5 extra vertebrae. When the doctor told me about this, I was all "I knew it. I'm a super hero. Where's the nearest major crime scene? I shall save EVERYONE."

Turns out it's a lot less awesome then one would think. Most days it just means that I have to concentrate on my posture a little more and that if I don't do my yoga, I'll regret it only slightly. I should also be seeing a chiropractor on a regular basis, but I haven't looked for one found one out here yet.

The really terrible part comes on days like today: Rainy days. Not all rainy days. Thunderstorms have no effect on me, which is great because I love thunderstorms. It's the days when rain is just kind of hanging in the air. Those overcast days where you're just like "WOULD YOU JUST RAIN ALREADY?!" Those days make my spine freak the heck out and then everything tenses up and it all concentrates on the right side of my neck and shoulder, which then disturbs this one nerve that runs from the base of your skull to right behind your eye and that's where the migraine feels most comfy. I don't know, maybe it's the spot in my head with the best view or the best couch or something. All I know is that it's like seven different ways of terrible.

So, because of this slight interruption in my day, my list was revised and looks like this:

  1. Untitled design (2)Wake up whenever your body decides to because today is your day off and you don't need alarms! (check!)
  2. Take Gio outside to pee and play. (check!)
  3. Make coffee and a real breakfast! Yeah! (check!)
  4. Have a skype date. (check!)
  5. Start laundry. Get hit by a bus full of awful.
  6. Write a blog post. Spend some time shakily going from your bed to the bathroom, praying that you don't puke everywhere.
  7. Edit Page Break video and post it YouTube. Be unable to swallow any pain meds without them coming back up.
  8. Read so many books or finish season 2 of Orange is the New Black, depending on your mood.  Vow to destroy every vehicle that drives SO EFFING LOUDLY PAST YOUR HOUSE.
  9. Go to a party for writers at the library! Wooo!!!  Finally stomach some Advil and water and fall asleep for some amount of hours, which probably could have been half an Orange is the New Black marathon.
  10. Wake up and find that Migraine thinks naps are lame, so he left, but he also took all my food and energy. That douche.

So yeah... that's when I decided to pull out my laptop and finally manage to stare at a bright screen again (with the brightness down to the lowest level possible without blacking it out completely) so that I could write to you all. Because getting this post up is more important than soup.

That and I have no soup.

UPDATE: I finished writing this blog post and was about to start proofreading when the dog puked behind the couch. I don't know if sympathy puking is a thing, but if it is, he's kind of the best and the worst.

I'm Not Sick Anymore!! Yay!!

Never fear, Readers!!! You're fearless blogger is here!! I woke up this morning, feverless, and feeling way less shitty than I have been in the past few days. For some reason, my hips hurt like hell, though... I decided not to question that, stick a heat pad on my lower back, and face the day.

I emailed my boss to tell her that I will be coming in, and that to be safe, I will Clorox everything I touch throughout the day. She seemed pleased with that answer.

So now I'm sitting on my bare mattress while I wash my disease-ridden sheets and Gio plays outside. This is a win-win, seeing as how he loves to be outside and I love to not have my mattress destroyed any further than it already has been.

Here are some of the highlights of the past three days:

A Texting Conversation with Dragon

Me: I still have a fever. I had to  call off of work. If I die, remember that I love you... and you can have Gio.

Dragon: My computer exploded and we don't have hot water.

Me: For real exploded? Bad days all around...

Dragon: Yeah, I had to buy a new video card, but the one I bought is pretty cool.

Me: Oh... cool... Today I slept for 50 hours, coughed until I couldn't breathe, and ran out of dog food.

Dragon: Sounds like fun... just as much fun as bathing with a pot of hot water...

Me: Or waking up with a closed throat...

Dragon: I doubt it... Don't eat so much dog food.

Me: It was the only thing I could keep down!!

Side note: I didn't actually eat dog food. My dog ate all the dog food. I would never actually eat dog food. Unless I was being forced or something.

The Very Definition of a Loyalty and Dickishness at the Same Time

So, while I'm feverish and achy, my dog never left my side. He also stole and used my tempurpedic pillow for three days.

Another Texting Conversation While I Was Watching "Yes Man" Last Night

Me: Let's be Yes people. Let's be that couple.

Dragon: No.

Me: That was meant ironically, right? I see what you did there...

A Phone Conversation with Dragon Earlier that Night

Me: Can you come over?

Dragon: No, Emelie. I'm sorry, but I have class really early in the morning, and I can't get sick right now.


Dragon: Oh my gosh, seriously? You're sick. Just go to sleep.


Dragon (laughing now): No! I have to go to bed and so do you!

Me: ...Well you don't have to be a jerk about it...

Dragon: What?

Me: Nothing.

Dragon: I'm not being a jerk! I brought you stuff yesterday!

Me: I know...

Dragon: Just get better by Thursday, okay?

Me: Why?

Dragon: ...Because Thursday is Valentine's Day, remember?

Me: Oh yeah.... Crap... What are we doing?

Dragon: Stuff. Now go to sleep.

And I didn't. I stayed up watching movies and feeling like death for another 3 hours before finally falling asleep to The Dick Van Dyke Show. Because I'm awesome that way.

Still Sick as a Dog

It's true, people. I woke up this morning feeling like I was way better. I didn't feel feverish and my joints weren't all achy. My throat was sort of closed up and my voice was gone, but other than that, I felt like a freaking gem!

Then I went to my chiropractor, who I'll call Dr. Robert (That is actually his real name, but I never call him that, because we both realized that the Beatles song makes him sound like a drug pusher).

Dr. Robert: Emelie, you still feel pretty warm.

Me: Really? Crap...

Dr. Robert: Yeah...

Me: Well... I don't actually own a thermometer, so... I was kind of just going on my gut instinct.

That's when I realized that maybe I shouldn't just wake up and be all "I'M FINE!!!" without checking some things (like my temperature) first.

So, I got my monthly adjustment and immune boost through chiropractic aid, and then I went and bought myself a boat-load of soup, called off of work, and headed home.

Now that I'm back in bed, I'm definitely noticing that I am not 100%. I'm probably operating at 40% right now. Maybe.  I'm feeling the fever again and considering that I should probably invest in one of those temperature-measuring devices... Maybe.

In other news, I have knocked out a ton of television watching. Did you know that Hulu has started creating shows now? I'm kind of loving it. I started watching this one called "Fresh Meat" about a bunch of British students in their first year of university. It makes me miss my year in England. I may or may not have watched the entire series so far... all in one sitting... Don't judge me, I'm sick.

I'm also mega pissed, because not only do I have to miss out on Taco Tuesday with John Hamm and Kelloggs, but this is TACO MOTHER-FRACKING MARDIS GRAS TUESDAY. This is an epic fail in my life. No bueno.

Alright, readers, now that you know how eventful my day has been... Tell me what's going on with you? Entertain me with your thoughts and questions that my fuzzy brain can barely comprehend right now. It's possible you might get really weird answers.


P.S. What should I be reading? TELL ME.

*Cough* *Groan* *Sniffle* *Type*

As some of you may have seen last night on Twitter, I am sick. It's okay, I'm not dying. I have a fever, a sore throat, and my head feels all fuzzy-like inside. There are some perks, though! For example, I get to lay in bed and watch my favorite movies all day, like You've Got Mail and other hilarious feel-goods.

Being sick as an adult is so not as cool as being sick when you're a kid. Has anyone else noticed that? When you're a kid, it's all "Yay! No school! I can do whatever I want and watch cartoons all day while Mom or Dad takes care of me and feeds me soup! I wish I could be sick every day!"

Now? Now it's all "Well, this sucks. Not only am I sick on my one day off for the week, but if I don't get better, that's a lot of money that I'm not making. And I live alone, so I have to take care of myself. Maybe I can train Gio to make soup... Nah, I'm too sick to train the dog today... Oh well, I guess I'll just lay in bed and watch movies and hope that makes me feel better..."

It's days like today that being an adult is the absolute worst.

Anyway, I think that's all I got in me today, Readers. I hope you're all feeling fantastic!!


What should I read next? Don't forget to make your suggestions!! 

It's Possible that Baybe Being Sick Has Bade Be Buch Weirder...

Conversation I just had with my blog friend, GK Adams today via Twitter: Me: Good borning by faithful followers! As you bay have deduced, I ab still sick. I wish I had by bobby, but apparently I bust be a growed up.

GK Adams: Apparently your keyboard is sick too and has done away with your letter M, only replacing it with the letter B. LOL!

Me: I bight have to do an entire blog post like this. It's actually kind of fun! It kind of changes the context of things...

GK Adams: It definitely makes you "sound" sickly.

Me: Bary had a little labb, little labb, little labb! Barry had a little labb and it was white as snooooowww... Not as cute..

GK Adams: It might not be cute, but that's funny as hell!

It's so like her to laugh at by bisfortune. I bean, here I ab, sick as a dog, and she's over there giggling her bind away. If I wasn't already, I'd say that it bakes be sick.

Of course, that's not true. I also think I sound hilarious when I'b sick, which is why I've decided to call Dragon and leave hib hilarious voicemails in this voice, but when I tried, I found out that his bailbox is full. That ban needs to listen to his bessages! If only for the sake of by cobedy!

What are sobe other good tongue twisters that by sickness can bake funnier?

I googled it. Here are the favorites! See if you can figure them out!:

Barry Bac's bother's baking Barry Bac barry be.

Beter baid Bary barried banly Batthew Barcus Bayo, a boody bale bailman boving bostly betered bail.

Buch bashed bushrooms.

Bubbies bake boney. <--Phonetically speaking, that one just sounds horrific!

Alright, well I'b off to keep resting and stuff. Hope you're all feeling fantastic and not crubby like be! :)