Thanks a lot, weird genetics.

I'm twenty-five, but if you were to just look at the state of my  hips and back, you'd think I was decades older. I have a lot of strange issues with my skeleton, most of which are caused by the fact that I have a very acute form of spina bifida. Don't worry, it's so mild that it isn't life-threatening or anything, but it does come with its own issues. Essentially, I have an extra vertebrae in my spine, and my tailbone never really... happened. I guess when I was still in my mom's womb, my tailbone was all "NO! I'M NOT READY! I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE THE REST OF THE SPINE!" and then the rest of my spine was like "Dude, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, this girl is going to be born with a tail. IS THAT WHAT WE WANT, REGGIE?" The end result? A sort of half-formed tail bone... thing. It's not noticeable in any way, unless you're looking at my x-rays, but it's a thing that sometimes causes problems.

For example, I woke up the other day and my hip felt like someone just popped it out of the socket and now it's refusing to go back in. And, because I know that whole song about all the bones being connected, there is shooting pain and discomfort up and down the whole left side of my body... which results in people staring at me when I think I'm alone as I try and bend my body into all sorts of weird positions to hopefully put my hip back in its rightful place. And this is a small town. People talk. So now I'm that girl.

And my hip decided to do this at a really not awesome time, you guys. As many of you know, I work in a bookshop, and yesterday was Independent Bookstore Day. Indie bookshops across the country, including this one, were celebrating with tons of festivities. I planned many of our festivities, and one of those festivities was a Rad American Women Dance Party. This was because one of the exclusive merchandise items was a 7-inch LP inspired by the book, Rad American Women A-Z, which is an awesome book, and I suggest you rush to your local indie bookshop and buy it right now.

So yeah. I was doing my best on this very busy shopping day to not show how much pain I was in, all the while knowing that the grand finale would be a dance party, and that I was to be pioneering this dance party, so I was really going to have to shake it.

Oh, and did I mention that I had no pain meds with me?

Let's just soak this all in.

  1. Spina bifida.
  2. Rebellious hip bone.
  3. Terrible back pain.
  4. No meds.
  5. LET'S BOOGY.

I was about to panic for a moment, so I went into the back room to take a deep breath and to try and stretch my back and then I took to twitter:

And all I really got in response was some nonsense about wildebeests that I'm still trying to make sense of... so twitter kind of failed me on that one. I think. I'm still not sure.

And then the time came, and - I kid you not, folks - no one showed up for this dance party. There were a few stragglers in the store, yes, but they were all very disturbed when I told them what was about to happen.

But you know what? I blasted Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and danced anyway. Because life is short.

Plus I was also hoping that if I danced, maybe I would move a certain way to pop my hip back into place.

Goodbye Long Distance, Hello Neighbor

Don't worry. I didn't break up with Boyfriend and start dating my neighbor. That would be awful. Especially since my neighbor is an elderly woman with a herd of cows. No, my friends, Boyfriend is actually BECOMING MY NEIGHBOR. This is insane to me, but in an awesome way, because we've been doing this long distance thing since we started dating (which, admittedly, was only about 6 or 7 months ago), but apparently he thinks I'm cool enough to just RELOCATE HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR.

WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS? 

So yes. Boyfriend is moving away from his cool, hip, trendy city life to Stars Hollow, CT, where there is no cell phone reception and almost everyone in town knows who you are. Seriously. Everyone knows. People I don't know are asking us about this situation.

And this crazy little town seems to be super excited for me over this whole scenario. People are coming into the bookshop and asking me all about it. There was literally applause from various town members when he picked up his keys. I think they've all been a little concerned that I wouldn't last very long here because of the lack of young folks and social life. Oh, they have such little faith in what the Internet can provide these days... But now they can all rejoice (or cry) because I have yet another reason to not leave town.

And Boyfriend genuinely wants to live here with me. This is nuts! But it's true. So, this weekend, he moves into his new apartment, which is right in the middle of town and across the street from the bookshop where I work. The only problem? Said apartment does not allow dogs (sorry Gio), but this also means that we'll be forced to still maintain some personal space. We won't be able to stay over at each other's places all the time and I'll still have to go home to do things. Like talk to the dog.

All of this rambling is basically my way of realizing that somebody really, really loves me. And that's crazy because, well... have we all met me? But I've got to say.... this feels quite incredible.

This is going to be good, you guys.

 

Saying Goodbye to Suburbia

So, as many of you know, I am moving to Stars Hollow, CT tomorrow. TOMORROW. 

I'M FREAKING THE FRACK OUT, DUCKIES. 

And I'm totally ready.

These past few days have been full of roller coaster-like emotions about the fact that I'm leaving Suburbia. As ready as I am to move away, this town is where I grew up. It's where I made my first friends, where I had my first kiss, where I broke my leg, where I got my first job... almost all of my firsts happened within these five square miles.

Last night I had drinks with some of the women I worked with at the bookshop for the past five and a half years. Those women, outside of my actual family, practically raised me. They've known me since I was a teenager and they've seen me change and blossom into the bizarre lady that I am today. In fact... they had a lot to do with me becoming that bizarre lady. I don't know why I keep referring to myself as a "lady." I'm certainly not a woman. Oh gosh... I'm so close to unintentionally quoting Brittany Spears lyrics right now. I need to get off this ramble train.

My point is that I'm going to miss those women so much it hurts. Without them, I wouldn't be brave or crazy enough to do what I'm doing. Hell, I'd probably be working some corporate job right now if it wasn't for those ladies... Can you imagine me in an office?

...I know. I'm scared, too...

I'm going to miss just about everything about this town, but I am more than excited to head out and start this tiny adventure of mine. Suburbia has been an amazing place to grow up.

And... to pay tribute to the town, I leave you with one last snip-it from the Suburbia police blotter. Get ready for some drama, duckies:

LOST PLATE RETURNED TO OWNER

A license plate which had fallen off a vehicle was found on October 7th in a parking lot.

The plate was turned in by another driver. Police located the owner of the plate. The plate was... RETURNED. 

DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNN.

SCREAMS IN THE NIGHT ILLICIT A FRIGHT 

(I'm serious, duckies... they went with a rhyme for this one.)

A Suburbia resident told police on October 8th around 11:30 p.m. that it sounded like "someone or something" was screaming across the street from their home. 

Nothing was found.

Yes, folks, in a dramatic turn of events, the Suburbia police found nothing. I'm assuming this means ghosts were roaming the premises. Okay, on second thought, this one is kind of creepy, but only if there was SOMETHING found... Like a scarf... of a girl who died 30 years ago... Or a child's shoe... the left one... from a girl who died 30 years ago... Okay, now I'm gonna give myself nightmares. Dead little girls scare me.

FRESHLY PLANTED TREE PILFERED

Police were called October 9th just before 3 p.m. by the president of a Suburbia homeowners association who reported that someone had stolen a newly planted tree. The tree was valued at $300. 

Okay... So I have a lot of questions about this one. Am I supposed to be on the lookout for the missing tree? If so, I need more information. What kind of tree was it? How tall? They didn't even provide a picture!! Also, does this mean that when I see guys with shovels in the middle of the night, I should no longer assume that they are burying dead bodies, but instead just playing Arbor Day-related jokes? And if THAT'S the case, can we please remind them that it's October??? It's not even proper tree-planting season! Maybe THAT'S why they stole the tree, Mr. Homeowner's Association President. Maybe they're just tree vigilantes who are trying to tell you NOT TO PLANT TREES IN FREAKING OCTOBER. GOSH.

We should thank these men or women. They're saving a tree's life.

Ah... I really am going to miss this town.