While I Have Your Attention, Overlords....

So earlier this morning, I was working on a new financial breakdown for the blog. It was very exciting, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'm pretty bad at marketing my own blog, compared to other people. Most of that is a time issue. I work full time and I do all of the social media for my day job, so when I get home, marketing my own stuff falls pretty far down on my list of to-dos after taking care of the dogs, attempting to cook dinner, doing laundry, and spending time with The Mr.

But now that I'm making a little bit of money via patreon, I've been thinking about making a bigger investment in this good ol' bloggy thing that I do.

I was discussing it with The Mr this morning:

Me: So I was thinking that 10% of everything I earn will continue to go toward a charity of the Awkward Ambassador's choosing and 10% would go towards advertising, like boosting posts on Facebook or whatnot, and then the rest of the money will go towards covering the other expenses like the domain fee and the web hosting fee and all that.

The Mr: That makes sense.

Overall, a pretty standard, boring, run of the mill conversation.

Until I looked down at my phone five minutes later and saw this email:

So... it's official. My new iPhone is listening to everything and Facebook is on the other end of the line, which is disturbing, but also I'm pretty sure there is nothing I can do about it, so I'm thinking that maybe I should just take advantage of this opportunity, right? I mean, why not turn a weird thing into a great thing?

So, Facebook, while you're listening...

  • If you know me so well, why are you always showing me weird pictures of myself right off the bat from like seven years ago? I don't need to see that awkward time in my life. It's a rude awakening in the morning. I don't need to be confronted with the fashion of the early 2000s.
  • Please create a no baby filter so that I can eliminate the endless stream of babies in my feed. Except my sister's  baby. He's great.
  • If you're going to show me everyone's political posts, please attach a picture or video of a cute puppy to make up for it.
  • In fact, please attach more pictures or videos of cute puppies to most things that you do. It would greatly improve the user experience.
  • If you run out of puppy pictures, pictures of otters will suffice.
  • Every time someone writes a mean comment, can you just reword to say "I love you and you look nice today?" I feel like that would solve a lot of problems. Until people find out about it... then they might start getting offended by compliments and things will get all sorts of screwy.
  • Maybe stop eavesdropping on my conversations? It's making you seem a little... desperate? No... evil? No... creepy? Yeah. Creepy.

In other fun news with social media... This Sunday is the last #SundaySupdates episode of the year and it's public for all, BUT -- we're switching things up and doing it on Instagram Live instead of YouTube! Sunday at 8pm join me on Instagram Live and watch me cook something Christmasy and answer your fun questions! If you need quick and cheap gift ideas, I'll help you with ideas! If you just want to say hi, I'll say hi back! The important thing is that you show up, because the party is so much more fun when your guests actually arrive! See you then!


This blog is able to remain ad-free because of the awesome community of Awkward Ambassadors on Patreon. If you’d like to become an Awkward Ambassador and receive special perks (like exclusive vlogs or messages from my dog), please click here.

Do you Litsy? You should Litsy.

If you don't love books, this will not matter to you at all. If you do love books, read on. There's this newish app that I'm in love with recently and you should know that I'm in no way being asked to or bribed to talk about it. I just love it that much.

Because it's social media for book lovers. And it's not GoodReads (which I don't use for many reasons). As many of you know, I'm a bookseller and I love talking about books, but I usually don't do so here because that's not what this blog is typically about. This is the exception. This is where I blur the lines between my goofy Internet self and my let-me-tell-you-what-I'm-reading-because-BOOKS! self. It's Litsy.

Basically it's as if Instagram and GoodReads met one night at some bookish photography thing and then that turned into drinks, which turned into a few dates, which turned into trading book recommendations via photographs, which became their relationship, and then all of that eventually led to a baby app that grew up to become it's very own awesome individual app that we should all be hanging out with.

And it's so wonderful, you guys. Every morning I wake up and I check through my various social media feeds, and by far, my favorite one is Litsy. I get all sorts of reading recommendations from people who love books. I'm following authors and seeing what they're reading. I'm mIMG_5225eeting other really bookish people on the Internet and my to-be-read list is overloaded in the best way possible. On top of that, there's this fun little game aspect to it: You can track your reading and gain "Litfluence" points based on how much you're reading and how many people are adding books to their stacks because of your reviews. So if you're into stats and improving your score, this feature is delightful.

Currently this app is only available for iOS devices, but hopefully that will be changing soon so that we can all participate in this bookish glory together. But you should totally get on this if you can and follow me over there for book stuff! In fact, let me get you started with some of my favorite accounts:

Mine: @AwkwardlyAlive

Liberty Hardy: @Liberty (You will  never read as much as her. Accept this and then read whatever she tells you to.)

Amy Stewart: @AmyStewart (As in the author of Girl Waits With Gun, which is SO GOOD!)

Rebecca Schinsky: @RebeccaSchinsky (Fabulously smart)

K.D. Winchester: @kdwinchester (She reads the most interesting things!!) 

So go and download this app, follow me and all these lovely readers, and let's start chatting about books! BECAUSE BOOKS!

 

Yes. All of This Did Actually Happen.

So, yesterday I had to go to my lady doctor (sorry dudes, but I promise to not go into any awful details!), which is just an all-around unwanted experience for every woman. I have literally never met a woman who has said "I love going to my hoo-ha doctor. It's the best!" unless said woman was using extreme sarcasm, because let's be honest here: It's the fracking worst. I have a lot of issues with my lady doctor. She's kind of mean and she pushes drugs on me that I don't want to take. Not to mention she invades my personal space, but I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about this:

gynopicasso

So, this was hanging in my exam room. It was literally the only decorative thing in there, so I couldn't stop looking at it while I sat there for 15 minutes alone, in nothing but a very unflattering mint-green robe.

I couldn't help but wonder "What the hell kind of emotion is this supposed to evoke from me in this situation?"

I mean, really... Is it supposed to make me feel maternal? Is that child supposed to awaken some nurturing quality within me so that I can feel more feminine while I wait for my hooch to be examined in the least flattering way possible?

Because here's how I felt: "Good grief, I hope that small cross-dressing boy doesn't kill me while I'm in here alone... What the frack is he doing to that dove? OH MY GOSH, PLEASE DON'T EAT THAT DOVE."

And then my doctor knocked on the door and I had to act like I was totally fine for the next 20 minutes, even though I was horrified from literally all angles, both physically and mentally.

Not only that, but both my doctor and her technician were pushing this internet thing on me...

Technician: Are you on the internet?

Me: Not at this moment, no...

Technician: No, I mean, like, do you use the internet?

Me: Well... yeah... I'm not 80...

Technician: ...Fair point. Anyway, we started using this program called <insert fake name here>, and it's really great because you can send us messages and stuff and we can even just post all of your exam results on there with your charts and everything so that you can see exactly what your body is doing from a medical standpoint. I really like it! There's an app and everything!

Me: So... It's like facebook for my vagina?

Technician: Huh... I guess it is!

Me: Cool...

***

In other news... I've been getting a lot more work and hours at the bookshop lately, which is wonderful, but unfortunately means that my life is exhaustingly more busy... Because of this, I've decided to cut down on the blogging... DON'T. FREAK. OUT. You'll still have me around, duckies, just not six days a week. I've decided to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from now on. I will still be doing the Book Reviews on the 1st of every month (today is your last chance to make suggestions for May!!), though, so that will be the only occasional exception. I think we can all agree that this is still a fair schedule, no?

Alright, that's all for now! See you tomorrow for the Book Review!! Have a wonderful Tuesday, Duckies!!