Cold feet.

So yesterday my friend texted me a picture of a book that we have both been really excited about reading and it finally just came out and THE EXCITEMENT LEVEL IS HIGH, FRIENDS.

But, because it's me, there is an issue.

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So APPARENTLY The Mr is annoyed because he buys really nice socks and I have always opted for really cute socks.

His are warm. Mine have narwhals on them.

His are fancy moisture-repelling socks. Mine all have holes in them. 

And when we got married I was all "Yay! Free socks!" 

He did not agree. 

Which brings us to our next marital dispute... 

I have a lot of books. 

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IN MY DEFENSE many of these are free because I am a bookseller and I get a lot of Advanced Reader Copies from publishers, BUT I also buy a lot of these books too. Especially if I read the ARC and then really loved it, so I want the author the get dollars and I'll buy it just to be a good fan. 

Which brings us to today.

My sock drawer is full of holey socks (insert divine joke here) and my hold shelf at the bookstore is overflowing. 

But what am I supposed to do? None of the fancy socks have narwhals on them... But my narwhal socks are no longer providing any level of warmth. 

If only I could convince the two sock companies to join forces! 

Dear Fancy Sock Makers,

I have been forced to buy your socks in order to continue my love of buying books. Normally, this would not be a problem. Your socks are fantastic in all ways but one: THERE ARE NO NARWHALS ON THEM. 

While I appreciate your ability to include a wide array of colors and stripes - even polka dots! Go you! - I am saddened by the lack of cute animal patterns. 

Must I really sacrifice my love of the Sea Unicorn in order to have warm feet? 

Of course, it's not just narwhals that I enjoy on my socks. Puppies, sloths, and giraffes are also always welcome, just in case someone on staff has an aversion to narwhals. Although, why would you hire such a monster? 

Wishing you all the best,

Emelie

UPDATE: THEY RESPONDED

Hi Emelie,

Thank you so much for reaching out! I too love Narwhals, what an awesome idea :) I did share your feedback with our product team, we always appreciate customer feedback! I also want to make sure you've seen our Woodland Creature socks, they do have cute animals represented on them :) https://darntough.com/collections/womens-lifestyle/products/woodland-creatures-crew-light?variant=36489076295

Thanks for being on board with us and I hope you have an awesome weekend!

Thank you for choosing Darn Tough!

And for the record, I did NOT see those woodland socks before, but it's a good thing that they exist because now I can buy books again. 

Plus, I think we can all agree that if they do in fact add narwhals to their designs, I will be heralded as a True American Hero. 

You're welcome.

It's a Christmas Miracle! ...of sorts.

This morning The Mr woke me up by tossing a cardboard box onto my body. I know what you're thinking: Romance has never felt more alive.

But it was actually exciting because it was my StitchFix subscription (not an ad). A box full of cute clothes so that I can trick people into thinking I have it all together and I'm not a slob who wears the same thing every day.... although, why is that a bad thing? If I have a cool piece of clothing, why am I not hip for wearing it multiple times? Doesn't that just mean that I'm good at taking care of my clothes and responsible with my money and also kinder to the environment because I'm not buying as much stuff all the time? WHY ARE OUR SOCIAL NORMS SO WEIRD?!

Ahem. I digress.

Because while it was all "yay! Clothes!" The Mr was walking around looking all weird-like.

Me: LOOK AT HOW CUTE I AM NOW.

 

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The Mr: Yeah, you look great, but...

Me: ....but what?

 

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The Mr: Doesn't it strike you as odd that that box arrived... this morning?

Me: Not really, I mean, they emailed me a few days ago and were like "hey, friend, fun clothes are on their way to you, so yay!" and it seemed legit.

The Mr: Yeah, but... we went to bed at 11 last night... and the box was there this morning.

Me: Yeah... wait... I think I'm with you now.

The Mr: Yeah...

Me: So... you took the dog out before we went to bed at 11pm?

The Mr: Yeah.

Me: And there was no box on the doorstep then?

The Mr: No.

Me: And then when you got up at 7, the box was there?

The Mr: Yes.

Me: ..... SANTA DOES EXIST!!!

 

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The Mr:

 

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So... THIS HAPPENED. 

....WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!

In equally unsettling news, #SundaySupdates, a live Q&A I do WHILST COOKING, is live and public this Sunday at 8pm! Most Sundays it's just for the Patreon people, but the last Sunday of every month, I open it up to ALL OF YOU! Can't make it? Post a question in the comments and I'll answer it during the livestream!

Unless I black out and murder myself by then.


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KABOOM

When The Mr picked me up from work today, I was just getting to the climax of my book, and I did NOT want to put it down, so I was naturally a little cranky about going to the gym. (Side note: I'm enjoying the gym way more than I thought I would, but that's another blog post for another time.) Me: Ugh, this is annoying because I want to finish my book, but I also don't want to be a slacker.

The Mr: Why don't you just hop on one of those loungy bikes and read while you do that then?

Me: OH MY GOD YOU'RE A GENIUS.

So I did. I hit the "Random workout" button, popped in my headphones so I could listen to the Stranger Things soundtrack while I read, and I stayed there for 45 minutes and finished my book/acquired the strongest legs in the world. It was amazing. In fact, I was just reading the epilogue when The Mr showed up to tell me that he was all done.

Me: THAT WAS INTENSE.

The Mr: The book or the workout?

Me: Both! I'm so sweaty!!

 

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On a related note, you guys should totally pick up a copy of Bonfire by Krysten Ritter (Yes! as in Jessica Jones!) when it comes out in November. It's a slow burn, but man, oh man, when that spark reaches the gunpowder, THINGS. GO. BOOM.

Another side note: titling this blog post was really hard because "Sweaty Books" sounds disgusting and "Books make me sweat sometimes" also sounded gross and all things involving sweat can just be gross, so... I went with KABOOM because that felt safer.


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BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FISH.

A conversation I had with The Mr as we were getting into bed: Me: Do you think fish ever get headaches?

The Mr: I'm sorry, 'do fish get headaches?'

Me: Or any animals, I suppose. Do animals get headaches?

The Mr: I've never really thought about it.

Me: It must be so terrible to have a headache as an animal. I wonder what they do about it. Because it's not a life-or-death malady, is it? It's just an annoyance, but it can be so annoying that you can't do anything else... but I feel like animals don't really have that luxury, do they? They can't be like "Not tonight, I have a headache." or "I don't feel like hunting today, my head hurts," or on the flip side when one animal sees another animal out on the hunting grounds that isn't usually there, they're not like "Hey Steve, what are you doing out here today?" and then Steve has to be all "Oh, just seeking out some herbs for Julie. She's got a massive migraine," you know?

The Mr: I don't think that's how the animal kingdom works.

Me: Yeah, but you can't tell me that we're the only species that gets headaches.

The Mr: Well... most headaches are caused by dehydration, so... yeah, I'm sure animals get headaches.

Me: Okay, BUT WHAT ABOUT FISH?? They're never dehydrated.

The Mr: Good night, honey.

via GIPHY


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Super cute and then SUPER NOT CUTE.

Okay, so first of all, if you follow me on any social media channel, you know that the cutest thing in the world happened and her name is Aloy (yes, like Horizon Zero Dawn) and JUST LOOK AT HER.  

Yeah. I know. She's just the best. She's three months old and we adopted her on Monday night and so far things are going well. A lot of you have been asking how Gio is adjusting and he's just being the best big brother. For example:

But, to be honest, I have other news to share, which I did not expect to be the case. I was all "Friday's blog post is just going to be the cutest ever," and then the least adorable thing that could have possibly happened, well, happened:

 

 

So.... that.... ugh, let me just start at the beginning.

Yesterday we discovered a snake skin in our living room.

A freaking snake skin was sitting between our air purifier and the wall, right near the radiator. You know, WHERE THERE SHOULD NEVER BE A SNAKE SKIN.

And this means that not only was there a snake in my living room at some point, but it was alive. And growing. Because, as I realized via googling "WHAT DO I DO WHEN I FIND A SNAKE SKIN IN MY LIVING ROOM," the only reason a snake sheds its skin is that the skin is officially too small for the snake's body.

There are about 19 different things about all of this that I find alarming.

The good news (if I have to pick some good news out of this?) is that we're fairly confident that due to the scale pattern on the tail, this is the shed skin of a non-venomous snake... so I suppose that's comforting. Then again, we're not exactly experts and this little bit of information doesn't get rid of the fact that a snake was sneaking through our living room in recent history.

The Mr. is being disturbingly calm about this whole situation, by the way. Like... he found the snake skin while I was at work, left it there, and then randomly that evening he just casually told me to go look behind the air purifier. Then he went back to whatever he was doing while I curled up into a ball of panic for the rest of the evening, just waiting to start hearing voices in the walls, telling me to "kill.... kill..."

Perhaps I should count my blessings, though, because I was just thinking to myself that nothing strange ever happens to me anymore.

Thanks, Universe. You always come through.


In other news, the very first (and only public) episode of Sunday Supdates is going up this weekend and I am so excited about it, so make sure you come back here Sunday night to watch! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here.


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What? It's not Friday, but HEY I'M BACK!! With NEEEEEWWWWWSSSS

Hi! Hey! Hello! I've returned from my honeymoon and I am now a wife! I have a husband! I'm a spouse! whaaaaaaat. Go check out the Instagram for photos and stuff.

I know. It's crazy and ridiculous and we're all concerned, but at the same time it's wonderful and amazing and everyone is super happy, so it's good stuff people, it's good stuff.

Speaking of the fact that I'm married now, Fiancé can no longer be called Fiancé because he isn't a Fiancé anymore, so I took to twitter and I asked for your help:

 

So it's official. Fiancé is now "The Mr," which I love and it sounds like he's a Doctor Who villain's cousin or something. I thought about going long-form and calling him "The Mister," but that made me think of those misting fans that they place in amusement park lines to keep people refreshed and happy and cool, and while The Mr does keep me refreshed and happy and cool, it just seemed like a strange version of objectification.

Before I continue, I want to give a massive thank you to all of my guest posts!! Weren't they amazing? THANK YOU all for keeping Awkwardly Alive, well... alive while I was away. You are wonderful. If you, dear readers, haven't gone and checked out my guest posters' work, please do so immediately. They are all amazing.

In other news, I've given a lot of thought to the blog and its future and I have fun news! First of all, I'm upping the frequency. I will now be posting twice a week (Mondays and Fridays), which I hope is a good thing. Second of all, if you support the blog on Patreon, your perks are about to get way better (I think?), but want your input: What perks would you prefer on Patreon? Right now, all the perks that are listed apply, plus I'm adding weekly vlog posts where I ramble at you on video exclusively for Patreon supporters, but if you have ideas that I'm not doing, I want to hear from you in the comments below. My goal is to build community and get to know each other better, and ultimately, I want to make you happy, so hit me with your suggestions!

Alright, I think that's all I have for you right now, blog followers. I love you. Thanks for handling my rambles.


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