To All You Bitter Singles Out There

Yesterday I posted a really quick post dealing with relationships and how my best friend "John Hamm" basically broke down every relationship any of us has ever had.  You should go check that out if you didn't see it yesterday. I kind of hinted at some bitterness on my end, but not bitterness about being single. I was kind of bitter towards those who are bitter about being single.

At least it seemed that way.

Allow me to explain:

I live in a teeny, tiny town in Connecticut. It's kind of in the middle of nowhere and the age demographic around here is... well... not in my bracket. I've made one really good friend ("Gwendolyn") and her roommates are pretty nice, but my romantic life right now?


There just don't seem to be guys my age around here - at least none that are single.

At least that's what I'm seeing right now. (Why is it that you only ever see couples when you're single?!?!)

The thing is that in spite of these terrible odds stacked against me, I'm still pretty optimistic about the fact that I will meet someone. Sure, right now most of my nights are spent alone at home with a glass of wine or a cup of tea, marathoning Doctor Who or Battlestar Galactica on Netflix, skyping, or reading. Occasionally I go out with my friend(s) and we grab a drink together. And some days I do things like try out snowshoeing.

And you know what? I'm actually happy with that right now (most nights - there are exceptions in which I become a sad mess, but those are short-lived), because I so wholeheartedly believe in love that I'm not that worried about finding it. It'll happen. It only takes one guy. You just need that one person to make you feel special and they are out there.

So this goes out to all of you singles today: Being alone can be tough. I know. I'm doing it right now, right along with you. And yes: some nights, I cry. Hard.  But after that's over with, I remember that I have absolutely no idea who that person is, and we might meet tomorrow, or next month, or maybe not until I'm in my thirties, but at least by that point I will have a pretty good idea of who the hell I am.

You will find someone. And that someone will have you laughing about your bitterly single self and it'll all be grand. Try settling into the comfort of that today and remember: Love. Always. Wins.

Until then, enjoy this humorous video on the subject (because, all my single ladies/dudes, let's be real: This is us.)

Relationships with John Hamm

It's almost Valentine's Day, folks. Yes, the time of year where we eat chalk-flavored candies with grammatically incorrect messages of love on them. The only time of year that a stuffed animal is a totally normal thing for an adult to give to another adult. Of course, it's also the time of year for all us singles to be angry and bitter at the world. Because that's apparently what we do now. (Singles Awareness Day? Really?  We're not a suffering group of starving or oppressed children. Get ahold of yourselves.)

Anyway, love is in the air and everyone is talking about relationships (or Sochi). So in honor of that, I'm giving you this image that my best friend "John Hamm" scrawled out and sent to me one evening last week while she was out at the bar. Because nobody drunkenly venn diagrams like that woman:



You're welcome.

One of the Coolest Love Stories Ever and Why I'm a Terrible Gift Giver.

Happy Be-lated Valentine's Day, Readers!! I'm so sorry that I never ended up posting yesterday. I totally understand the hate mail.  I guess I should feel lucky that I'm not popular enough to get any hate mail. Whew! Dodged that bullet!

Anyway, after the things I experienced yesterday, a missed post was almost worth. Let me tell you about Valentine's Day 2013.

So, Dragon and I started our day by going over to Jane's house with John Hamm and her sister to make macaroons and chocolate covered strawberries!



Unfortunately, I had to leave for work before the macaroons were done, so Dragon and I did a Valentine Chest-Bump for Love, and I went on my merry way.

Okay, remember how I was sick earlier this week? Yeah. Well, I'm feeling loads better, but I still have a lingering cough thing. It turns out that when you work as a hostess in a romantic restaurant on Valentine's Day, you have to talk to a lot of people - and when you do that with a lingering cough thing, your voice starts to hate you and begins to gradually leave throughout the night. So, for the remainder of this story, imagine me, speaking as a hermaphroditic frog. (Side note: I totally spelled "hermaphroditic" right on the first try. GO ME!)

So, right out of the gate, we had a table come in fighting. They weren't loud, but there was obvious tension, and we could see them whisper-bickering at each other throughout their entire "meal". I'm using quotation marks because the man didn't even order anything, he just watched his date eat and then they left. It was a very uncomfortable start to the evening. My "Happy Valentine's Day" to them was not well-received...

Don't worry, though, it gets better! My parents ended up coming in for dinner, which is always a trip. Those of you who remember my mother, can only imagine how crazy her and my dad are on a night out. They're probably some of the best customers a restaurant could ask for. My dad loves everyone and they're so easy going, it's ridiculous. What truly makes them awesome, though, is their ability to be friends with strangers. Let me explain:

So this really sweet, old couple came into the restaurant, hoping to have dinner. Unfortunately we were booked solid and they didn't have a reservation, but I took them over to the bar, where I assured them that a spot would open up there for dinner in about ten minutes. My parents, who were sitting at a high-top right next to the bar, stepped in and invited these sweet people to sit with them until they could find a spot to eat dinner. Of course, this led to them actually just joining my parents for dinner. Some people might have found this inconvenient. My parents, found it as another way to get to know two really cool people.

Now, I don't know their names, but we'll call them Beatrice and Charles, and this is their story:

Beatrice and Charles have known each other since they were 17 years old. For whatever reason, they weren't able to be together, so they moved on from their teenage love and each married other people - and happily so. Beatrice's husband passed away recently, and not too long afterwards, Charles' wife also died. Now, in their late-80's, Beatrice and Charles are dating. They live in different retirement homes in the area, and they go on dates. This might be the cutest thing I've ever heard of.

Last night, for Valentine's Day, they went to the movies before coming out for dinner. The movie that they saw? Warm Bodies. If you don't know about it, click here to watch the trailer. Charles didn't know anything about it other than the title, so he assumed it was just your run-of-the-mill love story. Poor Charles... At the same time, though, way to make the best of your night, Charles and Beatrice! I mean, I know a few old people, and 90% of them would never set foot in a movie like that. Charles and Beatrice stuck it out, though, and even though they thought it was "the dumbest movie ever made" they were laughing their faces off while telling this story. You have to love and respect that.

Anyway, they made my parents' night, and they kind of made mine too. It was crappy that I had to work on Valentine's Day, but after hearing that story, I was really glad I had met them. I tried to tell them that, but I had absolutely no voice by the time they left, so I'm hoping my smile was enough.

Anyway, after all of that, I came home at about 10:30 that night. That's when Dragon came over and gave me my Valentine's Day present. Before I show you, though, you need to see what I gave him:

Yup. I gave him this hilarious book. Because I'm funny that way.

I thought this was fine. Right? I mean, we're not mushy-gushy romantics. I don't want flowers, because it's sad when I kill them, and last year, we didn't even celebrate Valentine's Day. So... why would I expect anything close to this?:

Yeah, What the Frack, Dragon?!?! Why you always gotta be one-upping me with presents!!

Sorry that the lighting is kind of crappy, but if you can't tell, that's a record player and a new stereo system. The juke box was already mine. Truth be told, this is probably one of the coolest things I've ever gotten from anyone. Except for the car my parents gave me for Christmas one year. That can never be topped. But this is a close second.

And all I gave him was a lousy Cat Pee Poetry book.