I went to the gym and YES I AM OKAY.

Okay so last week I posted this on Instagram:  

Dear God, what has happened to me? #IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing #gym #workout

A post shared by Emelie Samuelson (@awkwardlyaliveblog) on

And I'm not going to lie, a number of concerned comments was... telling.

Everyone was all "WHY? ARE YOU OKAY? HAVE YOU BEEN BODY-SNATCHED? WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHO ARE YOU?"

Which, okay, fair enough, I'm not exactly the type of person who "works out" or is "physically fit," so maybe these comments were justified, but the sheer number of them was, like, breath-taking! Or maybe that was the cardio? I'm not sure.

Either way, The Mr and I have willingly joined a gym and tonight I had my introductory body assessment and personal training session. I went in expecting to embarrass myself, and if you must know, I delivered.

The body assessment was interesting. I'm shorter than I thought I was, which either means I'm shrinking or I've been lied to. I also learned that my legs are jacked, but my arms are disturbingly weak. This was demonstrated when my trainer had me go from a plank position on my hands down to my forearms and then back up again. I imagine it was like watching a baby giraffe try and get up for the first time, but with less success.

Before we started working out, though, my trainer asked me a few questions:

Her: Okay, so I just want to have a quick chat before we get started. What is your experience with being in a gym?

Me: Basically zero. I was in marching band and I read a lot.... but I'm enthusiastic and totally not afraid to look like an idiot!

Her: Awesome! I can work with that! So, what are your goals here?

Me: To still be able to move when I'm 85, like Dick Van Dyke, but also I'd like to become a superhero, like Wonder Woman.

Her: ....Alright. Whatever it takes to keep you motivated, I guess.

Me: I suppose the Wonder Woman one is self-explanitory, but have you seen Dick Van Dyke lately? He can still do a good chunk of that physical comedy he is so well known for, and in an interview, someone was all "How do you still do it?" and he was all "I've just always worked out since I was in my twenties." I admire that.

Her: That actually makes sense.

Me: Sorry. I'm a bit of a dork.

It was then that I remembered I was wearing a tank top that read "My name isn't Luna, but I can Love Good," so this statement was probably unnecessary.

In the end, I think she liked me, and I actually kind of know what I'm doing now. I learned that I'm good at squatting, but also that the way that I sometimes stand with my toes turned inward is bad for my hips, so... I can squat, but I can't stand? I'm a positive person, though, so I chose to focus on the successful squatting, which led me to shout "I CAN SQUAT!" at The Mr when he and his trainer walked into the room. People stared at me. The Mr gave me a high five. He's nice.

And I actually taught her something too! She had no idea that there were games on the rowing machine, which there totally are. You can chase fish on the screen and everything. Honestly, what did she think that machine was for?

 


In other news, the very first episode of Sunday Supdates happened last night and it was AWESOME!!! I only set off the fire alarm once!

I mention in the video that all episodes after this will only be open to my Patreon supporters (and then broadcast afterward publicly), but I think I'm going to do a public episode one Sunday a month. Anyway, here is the first episode. Enjoy (and then go sign up to be an Awkward Ambassador on Patreon!)

 


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No episode, but still a #SundaySupdate

Hi! So..... I tried filming the first episode of #SundaySupdates last night and let's just say that things went TERRIBLY. A fire was almost started, I burned myself a whole lot, corn exploded, and hot oil went EVERYWHERE.

On top of that? The video stopped recording so there's not even hilarious content to show you.

BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP. Instead I'm tweaking.

Next week I'm going to try again, but with a small change, possibly two:

  1. I'm making it a Q&A.
  2. I'm thinking of maybe making it a livestream?

This is where you come in! Leave a comment below if you think I should livestream it, and if you have a question, either post it as a comment here or send it to me on Twitter using the hashtag #SundaySupdate.

Oh, and to make up for it, here is a picture of our adorable new puppy just being the cutest: 

See you tomorrow, loves!

Blame It On the Cha-a-a-a-a-amomile

A conversation between my sister and I: Me: I've been having a really hard time falling asleep lately, so I started drinking chamomile tea.

Sister: That's a good idea.

Me: Yeah, and it's helping, BUT it's giving me really weird dreams.

Sister: Really?

Me: Yeah. Like... I had this dream the other night where I was in some sort of a desert camp thingy and I had to complete all these challenges and obstacles in order to be let out. All of a sudden a pack of red-eyed jackally things started chasing me, I remember that very clearly... and then I remember that our brother-in-law was supposed to be the guy that would pick me up when I got to the finish and get me out of there, and we were communicating through an earpiece like spies!

Sister: ...uh-huh...

Me: And so I was all "HELP! JACKALS ARE CHASING ME!" and he was all "YOU CAN DO THIS!"

Sister: ....

Me: And then I got to this one room and there was a huge river running through it and that's where I saw the other contestants and there were people on the other side and they were all "You have to make the bridge appear!" and I was all "I DON'T KNOW HOW!" But then I started figuring out that you had to whistle to the bridge at the right frequency and it would appear. Very Zelda.

Sister: What?

Me: And that's all I remember. The point is that chamomile is really fracking with my brain.

Sister: To be fair, you're a pretty weird person anyway... it's possible the the chamomile is just helping you sleep soundly... and that's why you're remembering all the weird dreams suddenly.

Me: ...

....

......

...........

You make a fair point.

***

In other news, I've mentioned before that when I'm not writing about my weirdness, I sell books in an independent bookshop. Books are kinda my thing. So, my other bookselling buddy and I have decided to invade the Internet with our bookishness by starting a book review vlog titled "Page Break" and it's going to be super awesome. Here is our introduction video:

So for all you book-loving nerds out there, find us on Facebook, Twitter, and Riffle Books! Our first review will be up on Thursday, February 20th!

Thanks for your support, Duckies!