My sister possesses a quality that I do not.
I was chatting with her the other day about the fact that she's leaving her job for a new one and how awkward and uncomfortable things can be in a work environment after you've put in your two weeks. She was telling me that everyone's actually been really sweet, but there's one girl who works under my sister that has always just been... not nice?
I don't know the situation well enough to say that this girl was mean, necessarily, but the impression I got was that my sister gets a pretty clear "I don't like you" vibe from this chick.
Me: That sucks.
Her: I know! So I asked her if we could get coffee on Thursday.
Her: Because if I don't know why she doesn't like me it will bother me for years!
There is no way that I would ever be okay with this situation, but I ALSO WOULD NEVER JUST RUN INTO THE FIRE TO ASK WHY IT'S BURNING ME. Especially if I was in a situation where I would probably never encounter that fire again.
There is a level of bravery and honor there that I will never understand.
Because my tactic is a little bit more like this:
Oh, you don't like me? BUT I'M DELIGHTFUL. I WILL JUST BE SO NICE TO YOU UNTIL YOU ARE FORCED TO REALIZE HOW LOVELY I AM.
But I don't think I would ever willingly sit down with someone and try and unpack all of the reasons why they don't. Eventually my denial would kick in and be all "Hey, big buddy.... you've done everything you can, and we all know how delightful you are, so... obviously something is wrong with that person. I feel bad for them, don't you?"
And I would say "You are so right, self! That poor person just doesn't know love even when it bites them in the armpit."
...I should clarify that one of my ways of trying to be nice to people does NOT include biting them in the armpit. Or biting them anywhere, really. Who came up with that expression?
Anyway, back to my sister...
Her: Emelie, what if it's something I've done? What if it's something about my management style that I should change?
Me: Doesn't the fact that everyone else in the office is sad about your departure disprove that theory?
Her: I don't know! That's why I need to talk to her! Maybe I did something to make her uncomfortable in some way and since I didn't realize it, I never apologized and now she thinks that I'm the jerk.
In all honesty, though, this is something about my sister that I absolutely adore: she doesn't ignore splinters, she goes after them and does her best to heal them. She thinks of each person individually and her first reaction to any problem is "What can I do?"
I run away.
And because I love a good awkward conversation, for the rest of the week I kept asking my sister "Have you had coffee with the girl who hates you yet?" or "Are you still planning on having that super uncomfortable coffee date with that girl that hates you?"
I wish I could end this blog post by saying that she had that coffee date and learned a really important lesson and in turn I, too, learned to face my awkward social fears, but here's what actually happened:
My sister had coffee with a different girl from the office who does like her instead, and that girl was all "Hey, you know <girl who doesn't like my sister>? I feel like she hates me."
But my sister was already committed, So NOW she had to have coffee with a girl who just doesn't like people.
And this is why I never confront my problems. Sure, I might be living in denial for the rest of my life about whether or not people enjoy being around me, therefore never taking opportunities to better myself or improve my social life, but THAT'S WHAT PERSONAL BLOGS ARE FOR!
SPEAKING OF AMAZING SISTERS....
My bestbian and her sister just launched two amazing things this week!
My bestbian has moved back to Ohio from Boston and she's started a blog about the process! You should go read it here.
AND THEN you should go buy her sister Hanna's BOOK. It's the first in a fantasy series and it involves tarot cards and everything that Hanna creates is AMAZING, so go get it on Kindle right now and make your life better.