What's the opposite of drowning?

Okay, so. Update on the whole water thing: It's not going great. 

And I don't know what is wrong with me because I've been bring my water bottle with me everywhere I go, but I just... don't use it? 

In fact, I will actively be holding my water bottle, set it down, and pour myself a cup of coffee instead. 

Because COFFEE. 

I was at the chiropractor's office (side note: The Mr refers to my chiropractor as my crack dealer and it brings me SO MUCH JOY) earlier this week and there was a counter in the waiting room with a full pot of coffee and a water cooler. Guess which one I chose... 

I love coffee so much that it evokes an actual emotional response from me every time I drink it. I get excited thinking about ordering coffee at the cafe next to where I work... and then every time I realize that I have completed a task at my job at the bookshop, I go "Yay! Now I can go in the back room and enjoy a sip of coffee!" 

It's like how dogs react to treats. Cups of coffee are my mlikbones. 

You know how I react when someone is all "Would you like some water?" 

And that's only because I'm being polite and I don't want that person to think I'm a freak who doesn't drink water. I don't want them to know the truth. But now, by offering me water, they've put me in this awful position of having to accept the thing we all know I should be consuming, but if we're being honest, will just sit there ignored on the table. All of my friends will be happily taking sips from their waters, feeling hydrated, while my water glass starts to create little beads of condensation, like tears of loneliness. 

But I'm trying to change. As I have heard that this beverage has all sorts of benefits. 

Afterall, Narwhals drink it constantly, and they're basically unicorns, so.... if it's good enough for them, it should be good enough for me, right?