Why Bunnies Are Assholes - A Sequel

So, I've been giving this whole "Bunnies are Assholes" thing a lot of thought ever since my post about how forest creatures are freeloading off of me and stealing all my food. I began to analyze all the famous bunnies, and I've come to a simple decision: All bunnies are assholes.

  • Peter Rabbit/Cottontail: This rabbit never listened to his mother. I mean, every kid goes through a trouble-making phase, but Peter is something else. Not to mention, he's a garden thief! Asshole.
  • Little Bunny Foo-Foo: Okay, what the heck is up with people and this guy? He runs around picking up field mice and bopping them on the head! He's a murderer! Why do we teach children this song? I deem this famous bunny: Asshole.
  • Rabbit from Winnie-the-Pooh: Total asshole. Rabbit is always pissed off and being a control freak! The one thing he does have going for him in my book is that he grows his own damn garden. Still... Asshole.
  • The Trix Rabbit: Gah! What an f-ing jerk! He's running around stealing cereal from children!! That's a whole new level of food thievery! Asshole!
  • Br'er Rabbit: He spends all of his time tricking people and being a general jerk. Asshole.
  • Frank from Donnie Darko:

Enough. Fracking. Said.

  • The Energizer Bunny: Just stop moving! You asshole.

All I'm saying is that there is a serious trend here, you guys. A serious trend.