So.. I'm not so good with one-liners. I'm more of a...ramble awkwardly in that way where I'm constantly trying to explain what I mean with a zillion examples - like when people continue to just stare at my while I talk, and then I can't stop talking until someone tells me to shut up. Yeah... I'm one of those... So, when it came time to pick a tagline for this blog, I wasn't exactly hitting home-runs...
But John Hamm is brilliant at those kinds of things!!
As is my dear sweet friend, Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper is a great friend of mine who is an actor in NYC. And he looks just like CNN's Anderson Cooper if he was 23.
So I contacted both of them and told them to compete.
My Conversation with Anderson Cooper:
Me: Anderson. Do you have a moment? And would you say that you're good with one-liners? Zingers, if you will?
Anderson Cooper: Yesssssss. I've been drinking wine and eating chocolate, so yes.
Me: YES. THIS IS PERFECT.
My conversation with John Hamm:
Me: I need a good subtitle for the blog. I'm thinking something along the lines of "Spend time with me. I'll embarrass you." Help?
John Hamm: Uhm, you just want like a few words for a tagline?
Me: Yeah. You're better with one-liners than I am. You're competing with drunk Anderson, though. Bring your A-game.
John Hamm: Cooper?
John Hamm: Awww. :) Ok, brainstorming now.
Anderson Cooper's submissions:
Anderson Cooper: Is the name of your blog a play on "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close"?
Me: I never intended it to be...
Anderson Cooper: This is the tagline of the movie: "This is not a story about September 11th. It's a story about every day after." Play with that?
Me: Um... that's a little too... close to home?
Anderson Cooper: Deal with it. Where did you get [the blog title] from then?
Me: My brain.
Anderson Cooper: Cool.
At this point, I was already kind of regretting my choice in Anderson Cooper. He may have been too far into the wine to be productively funny. But I continued...
Anderson Cooper: Something about a ball pit is coming to me... Like at Chuck-E-Cheese. You're fun. It should be fun.
Me: I don't know if I want to invite people into my ball pit...
Anderson Cooper: Just throwing ideas out there. Just let it happen. Let's cut through the bad to get to the good. Maybe you need a specific reference. Cultural or biblical or book-al. Not biblical. That was just for the sake of threes. You understand.
Me: You're killing me, dude...
Anderson Cooper: In a good way?
Me: In an "I'm laughing" way...
Anderson Cooper: Good. Something came to me. Give instructions to your readers. Something like: "Sit down, shut up, and read." But less bitchy... Like "Find a comfortable chair..." etc. Describe it. Order people to be relaxed... I'm really surprised that there's nothing Swedish here.
Me: This isn't a blog about me being Swedish.
Anderson Cooper: IT'S A PART OF WHO YOU ARE! DON'T DENY YOUR HERITAGE!!
Me: When have I denied it???
Anderson Cooper: Just now. Only just now. Never before, for sure.
Me: I JUST NEED A ZINGER, ANDERSON!!
Anderson Cooper: Ugh. "Putting my underpants on two legs at a time." Don't deny it.
Me: Haha - nothing with underpants. A fellow blogger already has that.
Anderson Cooper: Give a list of things you aren't good at.
Anderson Cooper: But make it seem like you are making a list descibing things you are.
Me: This is getting complicated...
Anderson Cooper: "Walking with poise, sounding eloquent, acting dashing. Things you won't fine here. Give in."
Me: That's actually not bad. Still not a winner, but definitely a nominee.
This is when Anderson Cooper signed offline and continued to text me from the NYC subway.
Anderson Cooper: Something like... "I'm not stealthy. You'll see me coming."
Me: Oh my gosh. I love it.
Anderson Cooper: "Heads up, here I come!" "Off balance and loving it." "Two left feet. Two right decisions."
Me: What were my two right decisions?
Anderson Cooper: Hahaha tipsy. "Skyfall" "Let me fall on you." "I will fall on you."
Me: Oh, Anderson...
Anderson Cooper: Hahaha right?
Me: I can't tell if you're still coming up with taglines or talking about yourself...
Anderson Cooper: Uncharted meets uninhibited means AH WATCH OUT. AH A SPIDER I was just surprised. What's the difference?
At this point I decided I had officially lost him, but I had won my tagline. Now you're probably wondering how things went on John Hamm's end, right? Did you forget about her side?
John Hamm's submissions:
John Hamm: "Come for the coffee, stay for the stories about dog puke."
Me: Good, but Anderson Cooper is winning with "I'm not stealthy. You'll see me coming."
John Hamm: Lol nice.
Me: Got anything better?
John Hamm: Not at the moment. I'm really distracted by "30 Rock" Sorry.
Yeah... John Hamm did not bring her A-Game - or maybe she just wasn't drunk enough?