The art of taking care of yourself is an art I have not-at-all mastered.

The other day I was sitting around reading the paper and drinking my coffee (like a real live adult!!) when I got bored and decided to text my best friend, John Hamm (not her real name (also not the actor), because privacy and whatever). Me: The obituaries are boring today.

JH: I'm sorry no one interesting has died.

Me: Actually, this one guy was a cartoonist for disney and served in the Canadian Navy... So maybe I spoke too soon...

Me: And it's not that the people weren't interesting, it's their obituaries that aren't interesting.

Me: When I die, please write an awesome obituary for me.

JH: Why do you assume you're going to die before me?

Me: Let's be real.

JH: I smoke and I am in a high stress field. I am going first.

JH: My blood veins are going to look like linguini from stress shredding them.

Me: Yeah, but I've sustained three injuries this morning alone.

JH: Oh god, what did you do?

Me: I sliced my hand on the cheese grater while doing dishes.

Me: I tripped over the phone cord and smacked my knee.

Me: And I almost slipped outside and could have cracked my head open.

JH: Living alone is such a good choice for you.